In a relationship with my housemate but now have feelings for another housemate

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In a relationship with my housemate but now have feelings for another housemate

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    November 11, 2018 at 5:05 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    whatamidoing
    whatamidoing
    Participant
    October 17, 2018 at 1:33 pm #187274
    In a relationship with my housemate but now have feelings for another housemate

    Just a quick summary before I go into the details. I live in a student house with 5 other people. Ive been in a relationship for over a year with one of them, but ive started to have feelings for one of my other housemates.

    So, in second year I lived with three girls, as all my other friends were away on placement years. There was me, my girlfriend, one of her course mates, and a mutual friend from the year before. to make things easier Ill just call them A (girlfriend) and B (her course mate). Me and my girlfriend got together on the first weekend we moved in, we had been dating for the months before but it was very patchy with feelings changing every few weeks.

    whatamidoing
    whatamidoing
    Participant
    October 17, 2018 at 1:37 pm #187275

    I knew B from parties and by name but we didn’t really speak until we moved in. She was very distance, as she had been going through a hard time, with her parents separating due to her father having feelings for another woman (sound familiar?) and her grandmother passing away. As the year went on we all became closer and became friends. Towards the end of the year, me and my girlfriend used to wind each other up, taking about threesomes etc. I mentioned that I found B attractive and would want a threesome with her. This didn’t go down too well, which was expected but it became a thing where i would wind her up about it during sex.

    Skip forward a few months to the start of october and moving into the new student house. At this point, me and my girlfriend had been together for a year. Everything was going fine but my mind starting to wonder and begun to fantasise about B, sometimes by myself and sometimes during sex. Now, a few weeks in, im starting to think ive actually got feelings

    richiro
    richiro
    Participant
    October 17, 2018 at 3:57 pm #187300

    no.. you have fantasies. notice.. you ahven’t talked about how you and B are spending time, talking, doing anyting together. it’s al in your head. thus a fantasy.

    is it worth losing A for B – when there is NOTHIGN to go on to say or show that B is even a possibility?

    Here is the ultimate quesiton for you. If there were no B, would you still be wanting to leave A? If no – then don’t do it. If you’d be leaving A anyway.. then leave her now. allow space and time. and if things start to percolate with B on their own (and not just in your head). then maybe you can ask her out DOWN THE ROAD a long time from now.

    whatamidoing
    whatamidoing
    Participant
    October 18, 2018 at 8:43 am #187276

    B is a lot more wild than my girlfriend. she goes on nights out a lot, shes loud but we get along. Ive started winding my girlfriend up about it more and more and recently she asked me what id do if B tried to kiss me. I said that id stop here and say she’s a lovely girl but im with A, but if things were different who knows. That didn’t go down well and my girlfriend said i should just tell her to get off me.

    So now im kinda at an impasse. I really want to tell B about my feelings for her and desire to have sex with her. Ive thought about it on numerous occasions where she comes back from night out drunk, going downstairs and telling her and just seeing what she says. We get along, she’s single and part of me thinks if we were both drunk and i told her about it, maybe we would kiss or something?

    whatamidoing
    whatamidoing
    Participant
    October 18, 2018 at 8:43 am #187277

    essentially, i dont know what to do. I dont want to risk giving up a long term relationship just to find out if feelings are reciprocated but at the same side i want to give it a go with B. Unfortunately i think both girls are against the idea of a threesome.

    Even if i did breakup with my girlfriend and try with B, the chances are slim as it would put here in the same position as her parents have gone through recently and judging by the fact she’s barely spoken to her father, i cant see that going down well.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    October 18, 2018 at 11:05 am #187384

    It’s very common to be sexually attracted to other people even if one is in a relationship or married.
    However you should not confuse sexual attraction with “having feelings” for someone.
    Most likely if you ever had sex with her the reality would not live up to the fantasy.

    Your interest in this girl is due to the fact that she’s probably the opposite of your girlfriend.
    If you were really into the wild drunk party girl type that is the type of girlfriend you would already have!
    “The grass is always greener on the side you water.”

    Having said that maybe it’s time you reevaluate your relationship with your girlfriend.
    Multiple times you have mentioned wanting to have sex with this other girl while (knowing) your girlfriend is against it.
    Anyone who continues to intentionally do or say things they know their mate disapproves of probably is not “in love” with them.

    oldkingcole
    oldkingcole
    Participant
    October 18, 2018 at 12:54 pm #187417

    then don’t risk it, decide who you really want and stay with them.

    richiro
    richiro
    Participant
    October 25, 2018 at 4:13 pm #187924

    you’re obviously not ready for a long-term relationsihp if you’re in one and still the temptation of “having a go with it” with somebody else (as a fantasy) is enough to get rid of a long-term relationship.

    i would say you need to break up with A and realize you’r enot ready to commit or be serious and only want to date. but i WOULD NOT date B as you all live under the same roof. that would be HELL and you’ll be MISERABLE in the end.

    Break-up and stick to dating. Then go and find somebody OUTSIDE of the house to date and only date people not in your household.

    Good luck.