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Him and I have been friends for years. We met abroad and after we left we stayed in touch through text. Our messages were consistent (although not daily, mostly every couple of weeks or so) he would update me on what he’s been up to, and so would I. I’m definitely interested in him. After years of texting, we ended up both moving to the same city. Since then he’s invited me to dinners at his place with close friends and colleagues. His close friends have “heard of me” but my insecurities are playing with my mind, as he has a lot of female friends that appear to know him much more than I do and are far more comfortable with him (wrapping arms around him and getting physically close etc.) while we both always kept a certain physical distance (’cause I’m shy).
If we’re just friends, why are we not comfortable with each other (to the extent that I see his other female friends are at) and if we’re more than friends, why is he not making any move?
Coach_Michael21ParticipantJuly 18, 2018 at 3:36 pm #179749
It sounds as though he likes you, but he might be a little shy himself. Guys (even confident ones) will sometimes “proceed with caution” around a girl he likes, because he doesn’t want to risk doing something stupid. He’ll get close and wrap arms with the other girls because he isn’t worried about messing up around them.
In this situation, because you’re also a bit shy, it might help if you give him some further signs that you may be interested. I’m not saying that you should go up and fling your arms around him yourself, but maybe by being in closer proximity, initiating more conversation, and suggesting ideas for events and activities would be a good step. If he still doesn’t get the hint after that, why not take the initiative and ask him out? More and more girls are doing this these days.
dashingscorpioParticipantJuly 18, 2018 at 4:01 pm #179756
You said: “my insecurities are playing with my mind.”
“we both always kept a certain physical distance (’cause I’m shy).”
“If we’re just friends, why are we not comfortable with each other.”
Sounds to me as though he recognizes (you are uncomfortable) with hugs and touching and therefore keeps his distance.
I also suspect he sees you as being a friend. His invitations for dinner at his place have all been with close friends and colleagues.
If he were romantically interested in you he would first establish the romance and then introduce you to inner circle when he became serious.
Most men seek out alone time with women they’re interested in.
From what you’ve described he’s done nothing but offered you an opportunity to “hang out”.
The reason he hasn’t made a move is because he doesn’t see you as being his type or doesn’t think you see him as being your type. Lastly it’s also possible he may be gay and hasn’t told you yet. Some gay guys have lots of close female friends.
July 19, 2018 at 10:28 am #179798
- This reply was modified 4 weeks ago by dashingscorpio.
Thank you Coach_Michael21 and dashingscorpio!!
I know he’s not gay, it came up once in a conversation we were having. There’s a lot of other details that give me mixed signals and confuse me even more and I’m not sure if they are indeed “signals” or I’m just overanalysing because I want to believe something that’s not there.I know that the nature of the working hours in his job is just crazy and intense, but he still -sometimes- sends me funny selfies and shots of what he’s doing. He doesn’t always initiate the conversation though. But even when I do, he’s always very responsive.
I guess the only way to find out is to just try asking him out for dinner just the two of us, but would you say it’s a good idea to ask him if he’s seeing someone or if he’s interested in being more than friends?July 19, 2018 at 3:44 pm #179803
Another thing is that, we talked about almost everything except relationships. We never talked about our relationships. He has never asked me if I was with someone and I never asked him as well. From my side, part of me didn’t want to ask him because I didn’t want to force him to share something if he’s not welling to share it, if he wants to tell me, he would tell me, I said. But I can’t deny that I’m now much more curious than I was.
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