Is it me or her?

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Is it me or her?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    rw005
    rw005
    Participant
    August 13, 2017 at 11:20 am #145252
    Is it me or her?

    Hello everyone, new to this forum, long time reader.

    I’ve been in a rut recently with my girlfriend of 1 year 2 months and honestly I don’t know whether it’s just me or her.

    Basically, we consider ourselves a good couple, we laugh, we have fun, we go out to dinner share the bill, buy each other nice presents
    once in a while, but recently, we’ve been been on a sour ride. This sour ride if anything has made me a bit upset because it’s showing
    that she doesn’t think much about me anymore. It’s just that when we talk about our future together, she doesn’t seem to include me in her plans anymore We talk about politics and she insults me saying “I must be a Trump supporter”, she even freaked about my phone losing service in the supermarket and I called her back 5 minutes telling her there’s no service in the store.” Lastly, we have moments where we literally do the same thing everyday and her defense is when we talk about it is “I like predictability”

    Please help, what do I do? 🙁

    phoenixshikhar
    phoenixshikhar
    Participant
    August 14, 2017 at 2:05 am #145259

    may be she is confused with something or something is troubling her that’s why she is irritated, take her to some isolated place and ask her whats troubling her and console her that you can help her solve her problem.
    glddstgpsy
    glddstgpsy
    Participant
    August 14, 2017 at 9:57 am #145253

    I think you should sit her down and have a heart to heart talk. You should say something like, “Im feeling like were at a disconnect here… Im feeling like I am not being included in your future plans anymore, and that really hurts me.” When talking about your feelings with her, make sure you always use ‘I’ statements instead of ‘you’ statements. You statements are accusatory, which are not constructive when you are trying to get her to understand your point of view. They automatically put the other person on the defensive, and then arguing tends to ensue. You may run into a situation where you try to effectively communicate, and then she communicates with ‘you’ statements… that’s how my ex was, and is one of the biggest reasons we are not together anymore. She couldnt effectively communicate her feelings, nor could she possibly understand mine. I wish you luck!
    richiro
    richiro
    Participant
    August 14, 2017 at 11:14 am #145363

    almost always.. its a little of both. in this case (the phone in the store thing) – this is her.
    she is emotionally/mentally abusive and manipulative/controlling.

    you’d do best to get out.
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