Is it Worth It?


Is it Worth It?

  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    April 30, 2015 at 8:56 pm #78216
    Is it Worth It?

    Hi All, I need help here.
    I dated a guy for 3 years and we broke up about a year ago. I originally asked for space, but he didn’t like the idea of space and that’s how we ended up breaking up.

    We have remained friends and we call each other about 3 – 5 times a day. See each other often. I recently rediscovered the things about him that I loved. And I had expressed to him – quite directly – that I still love him and that I want a second chance. In those words. He doesn’t respond to that, he laughs, jokes and changes topic. When he hears that I’ve been out, he presumes it was a date and teases me about it. Acts all bothered. Says ‘you say you want me back, but you go on other dates’. Then laughs and says he is joking. He jokes all the time and I never know when and when not to take him seriously. I don’t want to stuff up our friendship by being too confrontational and demanding answers, but I also don’t want to invest all my emotions into him if he is not interested.

    April 30, 2015 at 9:00 pm #78217

    I want to add:

    He has never directly responded to me asking for a second chance. And I don’t know why. If he doesn’t want to try again, why is he not saying it? Why is he bringing up me ‘dating’ in such ways if he isn’t interested? What is he waiting for? If there anything I can do?

    Its been going on for more than a month now since I told him how I felt and I have been patient. Like I said, I am too scared to bring it up all the time and him just deflecting. Why is he deflecting? Why not just be straight?

    I did say to him over the weekend, to be honest and tell me if I am being too much and too all over him. And he said of course I will tell you. But he never addresses it head on.

    I am starting to think that he is stringing me along, but I have no idea as to why? I need to know if this is something worth waiting on? I don’t know how much more I can take. It hurts that I can’t be with him the way I want to. But what hurts more is not knowing if it is at all possible. help?

    June 23, 2015 at 10:05 am #81389

    HI there, I am sure that he is afraid of going through the pain of losing you again yet he continues to hold onto you in this
    “limbo” that the two of you now find yourselves in. You must first face your feelings, then when you decide how to handle this,
    sit down and have a heart to heart with him, voicing your concerns and what you believe to be his fears. Do it this way–
    Say to him, ” I know that you went thru so much pain the first time when I needed space. This time I want to open a new
    chapter and make things better between us. I love you and want to know how you feel. I am sorry for the pain that I
    put you through the first time. Did not mean to do it. I too am in pain now. Let’s try again. We both are even now.
    You have held back out of fear and so I had to wait too. Let’s please try again. I care so much.”
    In order to mend this situation you have to be real and also please only pursue this if you really care alot for him
    as a lover and as a person. Good Luck!

    June 26, 2015 at 1:24 am #81621

    Dear INeedHelp,

    He is more comfortable being with you as a friend. This way, there’s no way of him getting hurt again.

    Good luck!