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NJtoNY32ParticipantApril 14, 2013 at 12:48 pm #28523
3 months ago, I had a relationship that ended after 7 months, was in love, but after discovering a few things, it was all sort of a lie. Broke my heart and made me wonder if, in these times, women, in general, either cheat or don’t take relationship as serious.
Anyway, a month later, I felt a vibe from a co-worker that she likes me and, though I’ve never been in this situation before, I asked her out and she said yes. She as well has not been in a “co-worker romance” situation but called me the “exception”.
So (and this, now, is over 2 months ago), we went out, had a great time, build on the great chemistry we had, made out (even before we started drinking), and she went home. I felt that she really digs me from what she said and how she was around me. We made plans to see each other the following week. For 2-3 days after, we would text each other twice a day. Then it stopped.
The next two weeks would be a learning experience about who she is. Now, she is sort of like the head of HR (but isn’t), so I understand she could be really busy. Still, i would text her (once), no response. A couple of days later, I would text her asking if everything was ok or if I did something wrong. One day (and I swear, I would only text her twice a day, every other day), she said I was being annoying. I was shocked and really confused. It was like that night, that connection, never existed.
So, one night, I decided to call her to clear the air. She told me that work gets her so busy, that she uses her time on the weekend to sort stuff out and that she gets so exhausted that she just rests, on the weekends and after work. She told me that she likes me and she understood my “frustration” because guys in the past did not understand, could deal with, or are willing to stick around. She admits she can be difficult but thought that I wouldn’t be able to handle that. I assured her that I could, now that I knew her situation and who she is. On top of that, at the time (in March), she told me she would be busy until the first week of May and feared she would hurt me because of how she is.
For the next 2 weeks, I would text her, once, in the middle of the week saying “Hey, I know you may be busy, but if theres a chance that you’re free I would like to take you out”…either i get no response at all (at this point, I expected that) or she will text back apologizing for not responding sooner and that she is just too busy and tired.
One day, after not really talking to her for a couple weeks, I thought “f*** it”, I asked her (as if it was work related) for a quick, private conversation. We went into a corridor, she stands there, smiling at me with this big grin and I asked her out again. She said yes and we made out.
So, for the next 3 weeks, we went out and had a blast. On the 3rd week, we went back to her place, had sex, and even hanged out with her at her place for some time, the day after.
The following week, she told me she would be really busy and I suggested, if possible, that maybe we could have brunch on a Sunday, which she agreed to, as long as she wasn’t busy.. The following Saturday, I texted her about Sunday and no response. The following Monday, I finished work, went to the gym, went home, and she texted me asking if I meet up with her because she was stressed. I met up with her at a bar, watched a basketball game with her, and had a great night. She thanked me for coming and said “she owed me”, so she suggested on the following Friday, which is now, last Friday, that I come over her place and she would cook me dinner and, depending on her work load, we would go out.
The Thursday before, she told me it has been getting real busy and to remind myself that she told me she would be busy until May, working until 9pm. So i asked her does that mean she will be too busy for Friday, she reacted with “Oh no!” because she forgot but she couldn’t. I suggested to her that I have no problem waiting for her to finish and whatever time she could spare would be fine. Then she “snapped” back at me with “I SAID NO, PLEASE”. She called me that night, said sorry, but that I wasn’t being understanding when I thought I was trying to help the situation, really.
So, is she interested in me? She said she talks about me to her best friend and her mom, sometimes. That I cross her mind and, at times, she misses me. Am I being “understanding”? How else should I approach this? Can she be that really busy? Could she be seeing someone else at the same time (I would be shocked if that was true because I figured she would tell me that)? I really like her and I feel she does too but is hesitant. I’m a NY guy and she’s a Cali’ girl, if that matters. I’ve never met a woman like her before or had a chemistry like this in a long time.
JonaParticipantApril 21, 2013 at 2:15 am #29235
It seems like she is interested, but her job can be overloading… I like being real and straight forward with people. I would ask her how you are not being understanding. It seems like you are. Ask her straight up. What can you do to be more understanding. Tell her what’s on your mind.
AriannaJonesParticipantApril 23, 2013 at 12:44 pm #29418
She is OBVIOUSLY going back and forth and definitely not giving you the time you deserve. Relationships shouldn’t be so difficult to manage. You’re wasting some of your time trying to wait on her every move or text. If she was interested she would show it and make an effort, she would. Excuse after excuse is a weak and childish way of not telling you how she really feels. To be honest, I think she’s playing the dude in the relationship and really controlling the situation. Since (as a guy) you have to be cautious not be “annoying” or “over bearing” she can manipulate the situation so you’re kept at arm’s reach.
Having sex early on just to try and solidify any “chance of a relationship” clearly didn’t work for you so don’t think she owes you anything.
I say leave her alone for a bit, don’t text her, don’t bother trying to go out with her. She’s only enjoying the free dinner and drinks for the ride. She’s told you over and over she’s busy so let her be. I’m sure the second she has time to breathe she’ll crawl to you, but not for a relationship, she’ll be craving a quick fix whether it’s a sexual favor or some wings, late-night.
You’ve given her multiple chances, I think she’s abused your kindness.
OrlandoJoeParticipantApril 24, 2013 at 6:49 pm #29653
I can’t handle a girl when I’m overloaded with work so I understand. I think it’s just bad timing, a girl will remember how you act when you wait on the sidelines so best advice is behave and let her see you’re still a good guy. Even if you date another girl, she’ll notice how you treat her and stuff. They love keeping tabs on us.
JonaParticipantApril 24, 2013 at 7:23 pm #29654
I had a similar situation. I asked this girl out at school (college). She kept saying she was busy. I have decided to move forward. Even though I been straight up with her and patient. I won’t be waiting for her.
It’s true what OrlandoJoe says. Let her see you’re a good guy. That’s what I have done. I respect that fact that she may be busy. If down the road I’m available. I will ask her out again.
Her denying you has nothing to do with you. Don’t take it personal. Move on and if down the road. You two have an encounter, then you’ll pick things up again. If you choose.
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