Is this a two-sided love?

DATING ADVICE FORUM

Is this a two-sided love?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    April 4, 2020 at 7:37 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    Loveshope
    Loveshope
    Participant
    July 24, 2019 at 8:24 pm #204300
    Is this a two-sided love?

    I have been in love with the same woman for over 10 years even though I have dated others in between making my way back to her. She has a big issue with me. When I’m hurt by something that is said or done I share with friends and close family members she does not like that because usually it causes them to say things about her that she wouldn’t like. She has found a way to find out what text messages I have sent and has told me that she has proof of conversations even Instagram messages that have been sent to and from me. And I know she has proved because she has shown me the proof. What she wants is for me to tell her every single thing and I’m not used to it. But I am also not doing anything. I go to work take care of my family and on occasion do a little shopping and that is pretty much my life. She has broken up with me, placed me in the friend category many times. I just want to know if she still loves me and if we can fix it. she said no but she is still speaking to me.

    RolandOfGilead
    RolandOfGilead
    Participant
    July 25, 2019 at 9:58 am #204314

    She sounds manipulative and controlling. She doesn’t have the right to obsess over your every single text or social media message, or your every coming and going.
    All relationships need boundaries, and she is clearly not respecting yours.
    Also, if you feel hurt by something she has said or done, tell it to her face and talk to her about it. A little bit of understanding is better than a lot of long suffering.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    December 11, 2019 at 1:01 pm #226481

    “When I’m hurt by something that is said or done I share with friends and close family members she does not like that..”

    “What she wants is for me to tell her every single thing and I’m not used to it.”

    “She has broken up with me, placed me in the friend category many times.”

    “I just want to know if she still loves me and if we can fix it.”

    After being in each other’s lives for over 10 years you both should have figured out by now who each other (IS)!
    Expecting someone to become who they are (not) in order to please the other person is simply unrealistic.

    Life is too short to be trying to change water into wine.
    The goal is to find someone who (already is) the kind of person you want to be with.

    There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships.
    We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have.
    Accept them (as is) or move on. The choice is up to us.
    No one is “stuck” with anyone! Suffering is optional.

    Best wishes!

    GreenMonch
    GreenMonch
    Participant
    February 23, 2020 at 3:32 pm #230320

    I don’t know much about the situation, but to me it sounds like there are some pretty clear red flags. People shouldn’t control their significant others that way and limit your options to complain about them. Limiting your friend circle and options to question their actions is a classic toxic sign.