DatingAdvice Forum | Is this fate or should I get over it?

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Wishfulthinker

Participant

October 4, 2017 at 11:11 pm #151531

Is this fate or should I get over it?

I have known this guy for about 6 years now, and I was in love with him from the moment that I saw him. We never dated, but I had the biggest crush on him & it seemed like he liked me, but nothing ever happened. A few years back we went our separate ways & he got a girlfriend, and I mostly moved on. He was always a crush on the back of my mind but I went on to see other people. Nothing serious for me, but he has been with the same girl for about 2/3 years on & off again. I thought I was over the crush, but recently we have reconnected & have been becoming friends and now we are working together and see each other every day. All of the feelings are back. I’m confused because His gf and I are friends, & I don’t want to break them up, but some nagging part of me is telling me that this is fate & that we are supposed to be together. On top of that he is very flirty.(always touching, saying he loves me casually) I can’t stop thinking about him and I see him all the time. What do I do?

Bella_Berg

Participant

October 7, 2017 at 4:38 pm #151886

You should definitely respect your friends and his relationship and not intentionally try and break them up or anything, but honestly you should probably get these feelings out and tell him straight up. Regardless of the outcome, I’m sure it would feel relieving, as from what you said it seems like this has been on your mind for a long time.

kmfran

Participant

October 7, 2017 at 8:45 pm #151894

If it is fate it’s bound to naturally happen then. Just let destiny take its route. In the mean time just do you

liorab

Participant

October 9, 2017 at 7:28 am #151914

If you are friends with her now you don’t want to do anything to ruin the friendship. After this much time you and the guy are probably just friends. If he wanted more he would have made a move by now

Clare90

Participant

October 14, 2017 at 11:49 am #152819

Let him make the decision to split with her if he is going to……….

RegularJoe

Participant

October 15, 2017 at 8:41 pm #152849

I agree with Bella_Berg, you should tell him how you feel, but in a way that is not awkward and doesn’t force his hand. It might also help if you wrote out what you want to say before hand and practice saying it, in a friendly manner that doesn’t contain overly expressed emotions (For her & your sake more than his)

Example:

You – John, I wanted to talk to you about something I have been feeling lately.
John – Okay, what’s on your mind. (Etc.)
You – Back when we first met, I had always felt strongly about you, yet nothing seemed to start up between us back then. Now those feelings have resurfaced and I feel I needed to get this off my chest. I need to know if this is one sided or if perhaps you feel the same way about me. My intention is not to cause a rift between you and Jane, so if you don’t share the same feelings for me, I will let it go and wont bring it up again.
What are your thoughts on this?

This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by RegularJoe. Reason: Better wording choice

siennah

Participant

October 15, 2017 at 8:57 pm #152851

this happened to me to. id rather have him as a valuable friend than a partner who might screw me over

Onyx rain

Participant

October 16, 2017 at 3:44 pm #152961

Well……..let it happen naturally, because you would hate to reveal you’re true feelings and he doesn’t feel the same.

calicomoth

Participant

October 24, 2017 at 6:39 am #153786

I think you should tell him too. Sometimes the hardest part is wondering if those feelings are shared, wondering if there would ever be a chance. Tell him what you feel, I think you’ll feel better. If he downright rejects you it will hurt for a bit, but it won’t hurt as much as what you’ve been feeling for soooo many years.