Is this real life?!

DATING ADVICE FORUM

Is this real life?!

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    November 11, 2018 at 5:06 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    choatic_c
    choatic_c
    Participant
    November 4, 2018 at 5:20 pm #188710
    Is this real life?!

    My boyfriend and I broke up about a week ago. He needs time to build his confidence in his ability as a man to take care of himself without my help. While we don’t want to call it quits I feel deep inside me that either he’ll do his growing and decide that he’s put me through too and wants better for me or a month or two from now I’m going to break and we’ll end worst for it so I ended it early. I regret it but I don’t. I’m ok but I’m miserable. I want a companion but I also want it to be him but seeing as that option is out the window; with the reality that sooner or later I’m going to end up dating where do I start. I mean at thirty my life is work and home. I don’t see myself going to clubs I live fairly close to det,mi. and from what I’ve seen ( we broke up once before when I was in my earlier 20’s) the picking are extremely slim. Also, my foray into online dating wasn’t awesome either. What do I do?

    silentwind
    silentwind
    Participant
    November 5, 2018 at 10:25 am #188727

    i didnt quite understand what went through with you two, but in general, yeah it happens, ik its hard to cope with but mainly at the early few months, i suggest you to look at the bigger picture and move on, however keep the probability of him coming back to you as well, maybe for a few weeks, try to focus on other aspects of life at the meantime e.g(work, friends, family…etc)
    try to think about the things that you didnt like about him every now and then, this will help
    try to do some exercise,it will help alot, trust me im a doctor.
    best of luck.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    November 5, 2018 at 5:12 pm #188770

    You mentioned you’re 30 and you have been dating this guy since you were in your early 20s.
    If someone hasn’t “changed’ in 8 years odds are they’re not going to change.
    That’s a lot of wasted time!

    The goal is to find someone who (already is) what you want in mate!
    Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.
    Each of us has our mate selection process/must haves list
    Each of us has our “deal breakers”.

    ” I want a companion but I also {want it to be him}….”
    This explains why you failed at online dating and believe the pickings are slim.
    The reality is: YOU don’t want to be with anyone else!

    Almost every single person states there is “nothing out there” even though YOU will be available.
    I’m not sure if it’s arrogance or simply all people really do believe THEY are the only worthwhile single person.

    Even now on some level you see him as an option for getting back together with once he “changes”
    In order to actually “move on” one must WANT to “let go”.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    November 5, 2018 at 5:29 pm #188771

    You may want to take some time for yourself to really do some serious introspective thinking.
    Figure out who you are and what you want before pursuing any new relationships.

    You might want to read some books like; “My Cat Won’t Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany)
    “The 5 Love Languages” or “It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken: The Smart Girl’s Break-Up Buddy”
    “Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You

    Your future lies ahead of you and not behind you.
    Therefore take the lessons you’ve learned from being with your ex and use them to help you make a better selection next time.
    Every ending is a new beginning!

    Best wishes!