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MplsMinnieParticipantMarch 29, 2017 at 7:17 pm #131544
I’ve been dating a guy for 4 months. We’re monogamous but not serious yet; his ex-wife left him a year ago and I know he’s not ready to take the plunge again. We see each other a few times a month, usually dinner or drinks, a few sleepovers. We both have busy schedules. It’s a nice relationship and I’m happy.
BUT he is very jealous (he’s from Spain). He doesn’t like me being social with my exes, even when hanging out with a group of mutual friends. I’m not an angry person and don’t burn bridges when a relationship doesn’t work out, I try to stay friendly. I also own a business so it’s important I not have enemies or bad blood around town. I’ve explained to him that I’m not interested in my exes, just him. How do I help him trust me?
He says he wants more say over who I spend time with. I told him that would be reasonable once our relationship is more serious. If he’s not willing to have a deeper relationship, why should I give him control I would only give to a fiancee or husband?
nylle623ParticipantMarch 30, 2017 at 12:52 am #131549
I say absolutely not. You cannot allow someone to control you. He sounds manipulative. I agree, maybe once you were more serious. But he needs to understand that he cannot dictate who you interact with. Especially when it comes to business.
DragonrollParticipantMarch 31, 2017 at 8:54 am #131683
This isn’t about you, it’s about him. He’s jealous and insecure. All people should be given chances, so I wouldn’t say dump him… but make it clear that you don’t appreciate that he doesn’t trust you. I last used a statement like “everytime you tell me you don’t want me to hang out with ____, it makes me feel like you’re calling me a slut who can’t control her downstairs. I’m never going to cheat and you may not mean to but you’re kind of calling me a cheater. if you wanna make this relationship work, you have to have trust in me”
The rest is up to him… only he can work on his insecurities. He may even need to see help but if he thinks you’re worth it, he’ll find a way. The only guys who don’t or who try to throw it back at you like it’s you’re fault are the abusive ones. They seem charming at first (that’s how they get away with it) and they don’t physically hurt you but they will exert power or control over you if you let them…. it’s considered a type of abuse in psychology!
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