Liking a coworker

DATING ADVICE FORUM

Liking a coworker

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    PresAndrew
    PresAndrew
    Participant
    December 27, 2014 at 10:31 pm #69654

    Just control what you can control. Behave like the situation isn’t a big deal and act like that is the case. Just laugh things off–as you say, text when you want and what you want. Don’t let her control things. If she’s cold about it, just shrug it off and act like it doesn’t bother you. If she does like you, that will pull her closer than if you showed it did–counter to what seems right I know. My advice would be to approach other women so she drifts to the back of your mind a bit. Then whatever happens with her happens.

    olaa
    olaa
    Participant
    December 29, 2014 at 11:01 am #69705

    @dmj106 : I think we are back to our normal texting conversation mode. Normal normal only. Also before I asked her about my stand, I used to ask her to go for movies, plays etc and most of the time she made some excuses. These days when I am going out for movies, plays or outing, I am just telling her and not asking. I am feeling awkward to ask her. Shall I ask or not. Is it going to make any impression that I am willingly not asking her because we are now friends ?

    Pain is not there, regret is not there 🙂 Thanks for helping me out.

    Mary_Apple
    Mary_Apple
    Participant
    December 29, 2014 at 5:26 pm #69707

    OMG, are you real? I mean, I thought our world doesn’t know romantics anymore) You’re great guy. Be with her. I’m sure, if chose her she’ special too. You’re wise, you think about relationship. People nowadays don’t. There’re specialized sites like kovla.com, where we find nice people, get in touch and go for a date. But there’s rarely the depth of feelings. That’s great. I mean. Good luck you two!

    Hank77
    Hank77
    Participant
    December 29, 2014 at 6:34 pm #69708

    I would ask to see where you stand, so you can move on.

    dmj106
    dmj106
    Participant
    December 29, 2014 at 11:28 pm #69711

    I’m glad to hear you have no regret and no pain. Those are two of the most important things to consider in putting yourself out there like that.

    As far as asking her to movies, you are handling it well in my opinion. If you are still asking it shows that you aren’t moving on. Hopefully by continuing to do what you’re doing, you can continue to keep your relationship on solid ground. Best case scenario like I mentioned before is that she realizes that she misses what you two had before and then some. I really think you’ve handled this extremely well, so nice going!

    olaa
    olaa
    Participant
    December 31, 2014 at 7:41 am #69753

    I don’t know what will she miss because we haven’t been on so many dates. Just once and she was very happy. Most of the time our mean of interaction was text only. That too I am minimizing these days. Everyday I send her a good morning, if she replies I continue or else I leave it. I am reducing my habit to continuously sneak peak at my cell phone to check if she has sent anything or not. This is helping me a lot. Since 5-6 months I was going out of my way to chat her on texts. Eating, sleeping, studying, traveling… every time I was available for her on whatsapp. Now I am reducing those things. After a long time I got taste in food 🙂

    I am not sure, really not sure what is happening at her end. She is traveling right now and surprisingly I am not waiting for her texts anxiously 🙂
    To be honest, more than her, I wait for your replies ! They are are really helping and guiding me ….
    I don’t know your country of origin… so happy new year in advance 🙂

    dmj106
    dmj106
    Participant
    December 31, 2014 at 11:12 am #69759

    Well I really appreciate that! I am here in the good ol’ USA, so I’ll be doing some celebrating tonight. Hopefully you have some fun too!

    While I’ve said before that my relationship history is far from stellar, I always like to help others with their problems. I do whatever I can to make sure that things are as easy for others as possible, and it sounds like it’s getting a little easier for you too, which is great!

    olaa
    olaa
    Participant
    January 1, 2015 at 11:46 am #69775

    A lot messaging… really a lot of..and most of the time she is initiating unlike in past where I was almost chasing her with my texts ! Its getting difficult to getting myself being pulled again in it :-/
    One time I think there is signal, one time remembers her message “ur just friend, I never thought you more than a friend”
    This much texting is normal between friends ? I am not feeling to bluntly stop messaging her … that wont be natural I guess :-/

    olaa
    olaa
    Participant
    January 1, 2015 at 2:32 pm #69776

    Correction “Its getting difficult to stop myself being pulled again in it :-/”

    dmj106
    dmj106
    Participant
    January 1, 2015 at 11:12 pm #69780

    Well here is the good news: it appears that since she has been texting you a lot lately that you and her are back on good terms again! That is a sign that it isn’t awkward right now between you two, so that’s a definite good sign. Here is where it gets tricks. I believe that one of two things is going on with her texting you all the time lately (neither are necessarily bad, but one is definitely better than the other). The first possibility is that she feels guilty and bad about turning you down, so she isn’t wanting to hurt your feelings by not having any communication with you. There is a very big “friend-zone” sign. If she didn’t care at all, she wouldn’t take the time to text, plain and simple. She is showing understanding and compassion for you, so that’s good. With this possibility, she isn’t thinking of you as more than just a friend, but she is thinking enough of you to take the time to communicate with you via text.

    The second possibility is the best one, which is she has

    dmj106
    dmj106
    Participant
    January 1, 2015 at 11:15 pm #69781

    started to think of you as more than a friend and does in fact want more. A good friend of mine was rejected by his current girlfriend when he first asked her out, but after a few weeks she realized she had made a mistake. Two years later, they are living together and love each other very much. While she initially said you were only a friend, changes can happen for women. They realize that they may have screwed up and then try to make the situation better. If this is the case, it’s a dicey situation. You need to keep playing it cool. Be nice and friendly with her like you have been, but don’t make it seem like you must have her or that you’re desperate. Make her come to you if this is the case. Over time, we will start to see exactly what is on her mind.

    Hopefully this helps!

    samantha
    samantha
    Participant
    January 2, 2015 at 12:32 am #69786

    interesting

    olaa
    olaa
    Participant
    January 2, 2015 at 7:20 am #69797

    @dmj106 you second reply has put me in a really hanging situation 🙁 I was happy in the process of moving on ….
    I am a bit tensed today. I think talking with her about this will even screw the situation. pheewww …
    I think, I am not showing her that I am desperate.
    Good thing is that I am not thinking why she turned me down. But honestly I keep thinking( and suppressing my thoughts) about her.
    I don’t want her to show compassion etc for me because it is not healing me and also it is not required.
    I don’t know if she was hurt. She never showed any such sign. She has not talked or indicated to talk about this. Also I am avoiding to initiate anything related to this. I really hated this and now this is happening to me.

    I have to face this till my PhD application is approved abroad and I will leave the place for 5 years.

    olaa
    olaa
    Participant
    January 2, 2015 at 7:55 am #69798

    How will I ever know that which is the case i.e. deep friend zone or change of feelings, without messing up with my mind. Or shall I let it happen whatever is happening without doing any manipulation. Your replies have helped me to a great extent ! I am consistently following them.
    As her manager in office, I think I am behaving well professionally. At professional level I am not compromising anything. Work has to be done that’s it.
    But yes sometimes when she is a bit undisciplined, I feel to scold her. But don’t do it as she may feel that I am behaving angry because she turned me down and so. Luckily such situations doesn’t occur frequently so peace as of now.
    I hope I am not bothering you.

    dmj106
    dmj106
    Participant
    January 2, 2015 at 10:20 am #69808

    I want to be very clear: I’m not advocating that you do anything differently than you have been doing, nor am I implying in any way that she is in fact “falling for you”.
    Truth be told, I believe what she is doing is feeling like she may have hurt you with her rejection, and therefore is trying to initiate with you more than normal. While you haven’t shown signs of being hurt towards her, she probably is feeling a sense of guilt at herself. I think that she is the type of person who hates to say no to people, and that is a big part of her feeling like she may have made you mad.
    Also, I personally wouldn’t do anything differently that you’ve been doing (you seem to have handled it great!). I think that with time, this situation will become crystal clear, so don’t try to force it. Over time, this is something that will either happen or won’t. The good news is that it sounds like worst case scenario, you have a really good friend on your side. Hopefully this is MORE helpful!

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