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elena_j1988ParticipantJanuary 6, 2015 at 2:21 pm #69963
I’ve been dating the same guy for over two months now. We are not “official”, though I am hoping to be exclusive with him and I don’t believe he is seeing anyone else. We see each other pretty consistently, a few times a week, we’ve gone on double dates with our friends, we’ve had sex. We exchanged Christmas gifts. I’m starting to care about him a lot.
He used to be the first to text and initiate hang outs. Over the last few weeks, its been fairly equal, where I text him first some days. He doesn’t seem to make as big of an effort to reach out to me though, and it bothers me. I’m trying to be rational and not make a big deal out of it, but now there are days where I don’t text him, and he doesn’t text me. It’s been a few days since I’ve heard from him. Is that a bad sign? I honestly thought he liked me and I’d like some clarity. Do men prefer women to ask about being exclusive? Should I ask him? I forgot to mention he doesn’t have much dating/sexual experience for his age.January 7, 2015 at 1:02 am #70006
Some good Q’s here 🙂 I love this stuff, I coach alot of it back here in Australia.
Can you give a little more detail for me?
How did you meet?
How soon did you sleep together following that?
From what I’ve read so far, it does sound like it’s fizziling. The exclusive conversation, generally speaking, should happen naturally, as you both slowly drop off whoever else you might be seeing.
I think bringing it up now may not be the best idea. The reason I say that is you guys are only two months in.. you’re not even into what should be the ‘honeymoon’ time, and allready interactions, conversations are decreasing.
To give you an idea, a guy generally slows down on texting for one of two reasons
1) He’s losing interest for x reason(s)
2) He’s become insecure that you’re losing interest, and is self-protecting
Jumping into that convo now to me, seems like you trying to hold onto something that may be drifting away. Be really positive, send him a hang out invite that makes it reallyJanuary 7, 2015 at 8:51 am #70007
clear that you are still interested in spending time with him/building a connection, and if he is self-protecting that should clear it.
Don’t keep going after that, make your position clear, and if you dont get a positive response, I wouldn’t keep pushing it.
If you do get a positive response and you guys hang out, just look to rebuild the connection, have fun, don’t think too much, slowly get it back to where it was a month ago. The Exclusivity conversation should wait until you guys are on an upward trend again
elena_j1988ParticipantJanuary 7, 2015 at 8:51 am #70010
We met at my work, he was a former boss. After he left the company we started talking online more and he asked me out. Our first date was so much fun and I feel like things have been great overall, we have a lot of chemistry. We’ve been sleeping together for at least a month, maybe more. I’ve learned that he hasn’t had many sexual partners and has only been in two short relationships before me. He’s 26 and that’s rare for someone his age, I think. We’re getting close to the three month mark and I guess I’m at the point where I know I just want to date him. I thought he felt the same way, and aside from the texting thing, I still feel like he is interested in me. He’s never ignored a text I just prefer him to reach out first. He did text me tonight, I’m probably overreacting but it had been two days and it’s rare we go that long without talking in some form. Anyways I’m not a fan of playing hard to get if I like someone, but I haven’t been too available I feel. So I should wait to ask?January 7, 2015 at 9:27 am #70032
When you say aside from the texting thing, what other indicators has he been giving that he’s keen? I would have thought if he hadn’t have texted in a few days he’s probably not giving you much else?
Def don’t play hard to get. But also be aware there is a big difference between sending him a keen text then doing other things if he doesn’t respond, vs sending him multiple keen texts despite a lack of response and you having to do all the work to setup dates and meets. If you ever were to manage to get into a relationship under that scenario, it’s unlikely to last. You’re taking the whole fun of asking her out and winning the gf away.
Let me know the answer to the question above, but if he hasn’t contacted you for a few days where it was previously much more frequent, that means it’s currently sliding in a backwards direction, rather than forwards. Thats neither a reason to panic nor overthink, simply look to enjoy more dates with him first and get it all feeling normal again first.
rimiahujaParticipantJanuary 10, 2015 at 4:15 am #70260
Yes of course you should ask clearly. Almost same thing happened with me last year when I dated on india.proximeety. But we did not have sex on the first date. When I asked clearly I got shocked with his answer.
jefreunde74ParticipantJanuary 10, 2015 at 8:49 am #70265
i think you should ask him. are you interested or not?
georgiegirlParticipantJanuary 10, 2015 at 3:57 pm #70274
very interesting thought/remark from HVW_Mark………….. 2) He’s become insecure that you’re losing interest, and is self-protecting…………….. I don’t think women ever think of this possibility for a man… I also agree with the comment above…………. just ask him if he is interested or not.. or ask if he is happy with the direction the relationship is going.
jasper725ParticipantJanuary 12, 2015 at 1:35 pm #70319
I know how you feel, I am having a somewhat similar problem. I think sometimes people get too intense about the whole “if I was the last one to text, they should text next thing” I also generally despise text conversations to begin with because it is virtually impossible to understand someones tone in a text, especially when you are just getting to know someone. To be honest, I wouldn’t look too much in to the texting back and forth thing, it could very well be him trying to act not that interested because he doesn’t want to scare you away by getting too intense. IF you want to date him I would just have the conversation with him, ask him where he thinks its going. I wish the girl I am seeing would do that, it would make my life quite a but easier.
EarldevereParticipantJanuary 13, 2015 at 1:33 pm #70449
Asking is better than not asking, if he only had two short relationships then he is not very experienced, so he might be feeling the same way. Sometimes men like when women take the initiative!
19Zach97ParticipantJanuary 14, 2015 at 3:40 pm #70619
When you first start dating someone, you are infatuated with them. Over time that infatuation will wear off, and I think that is what is happening with him.
matt1221ParticipantJanuary 14, 2015 at 9:15 pm #70662
It sounds like he doesn’t have a ton of experience and he’s trying to play it cool. He doesn’t want to come on too strong or rush things with you.
maxmiaggiParticipantJanuary 15, 2015 at 11:21 am #70699
He just doesn’t want to show that he’s desperate. He’s playing it cool. I think you should just relax, and talk to him more.
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