Looking for advice from men!

DATING ADVICE FORUM

Looking for advice from men!

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    Distance
    Distance
    Participant
    August 5, 2018 at 11:08 am #180837
    Looking for advice from men!

    Ill try to keep this as short as possible.

    Im 24.. the guy in question is 20.
    I met him playing xbox. At the time i had a long term boyfriend whom i lived with. Xbox dude lives in america and i live in australia. We chatted every single day, on snapchat, xbox and on the phone, for hours and hours and it was amazing. We were close friends for a while before anything sexual came of our relationship and by sexual i mean sexting and phone sex. I fell in love with him. My friends told me how ugly this guy is but i didnt see it.. he was just amazing. We both talked about him visiting me, me moving to the US and how we would be together long distance until i moved out there. So i broke up with my boyfriend and moved out. There were a few more sexual “encounters” but within 3 weeks of my break up he said he didnt want to talk to me anymore and gave me no reason. I was heart broken. It was almost like he ruined me for other guys. I tried to replace him but i couldnt.

    Distance
    Distance
    Participant
    August 5, 2018 at 11:19 am #180838

    There was just something about him. I had plenty of other guys talking to me at the time but i only wanted him. I felt like such an idiot cause i could see him on social media living his life and i figured that he wasnt think of me at all and here i am still hurt over it.
    But then one day, about a month and a half later i got a message from him apologising for everything he did. And since then, a month ago.. we literally have not stopped talking. 15 hours a day we are talking on the phone. He works night shift so hes on the same time as me. He makes me tell him i love him and he tells me he loves me (from what i can tell in a joking way). We never say goodbye, we are on the phone till one of us falls asleep. He told me that his ex wanted a one night thing with him and he turned her down because he doesnt think he can have sex with anyone while hes talking to me. He reassures me that he wont disappear like he did last time. We have phone sex and share pictures.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    August 5, 2018 at 11:47 am #180842

    At age 24 you’re on the phone for 15 hours a day with a 20 year old guy you’ve never met you and believe he’s your “soulmate”. What is the question???

    The average 20 year old guy is not looking to settle down with anyone!
    The very thought of signing a 30 year mortgage, marriage, and starting a family is like watching their life flash before their eyes!
    He either just left a dorm room or escaped from his parent’s basement.
    He wants to establish a career, party with friends, watch sports. play video games, and get laid.

    Men are in their “sexual peak” in their late teens and 20s.
    It’s highly unlikely he’s not going to have sex with women in his own area at some point.

    A mistake a lot of young folks make is falling in love with “obstacles and challenges”.
    “We love each other BUT we can’t be together Because ……
    It’s the great distance, being in different time zones, or lack of finances. They all serve as “romantic devices”.
    Once the obstacles are removed it’s over.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    August 5, 2018 at 12:09 pm #180844

    “within 3 weeks of my break up he said he didn’t want to talk to me anymore and gave me no reason.”

    Maybe the reason why he dumped you the last time was because it seemed like you were {removing the obstacles}.
    Once you broke up with your boyfriend things started to get “real”.
    I imagine the same thing would happen if you told him you bought airfare tickets to come visit him next month.
    Any reaction short of jumping for joy is a clue he’s really not that “into you”.

    Even if you did come to the U.S. for a visit it would be wise to have your own hotel arrangements lined up.
    Most (20 year old guys) in America as in was 19 years old a year ago don’t have {their own place to stay}.

    Last but not least there is always the possibility that he’s “catfishing you”.
    In other words very little he has told you is true. You may not actually know his real name or where he really lives.
    You shouldn’t get your hopes up for a happily ever after ending with “Xbox dude”.

    Distance
    Distance
    Participant
    August 6, 2018 at 8:58 am #180839

    But he gets confusing when it comes to weather he likes me. He knows i like him and would do whatever it takes to be with him and make it work but hes sceptical.

    Is it possible to have this kind of relationship with a guy if he doesnt have feelings for me? Im so confused.. whats going on??

    seekingadvice
    seekingadvice
    Participant
    August 8, 2018 at 5:58 pm #181140

    I’m not sure if those of us in the community understand what sort of advice you are looking for. Long distance relationship are challenging. I get that it is excited to find someone with whom you connect so closely with, but the foundation of you relationship is a bit unstable. I think talking is great, but if you have never physically been in the same space for a period of time…I think that is an important element. I don’t know that you should give up on this, but if you can find a way to step back and view the situation a little less passionately you might get a better perspective on things. Best of luck!

    satch89
    satch89
    Participant
    August 9, 2018 at 2:43 pm #181219

    Men can be fickle. I feel for you. That is a tough situation.