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SParticipantSeptember 3, 2014 at 6:46 pm #60666
Met this guy earlier in the summer. We both said up front we weren’t looking for anything serious but have been what I suppose you call casually seeing each other.
We get along great, I enjoy spending time with him, and the hookups have been awesome. The last few times we’ve hung out together, he’s been a lot more affectionate – more PDA, holding hands, kissing me, stroking my knee, etc – even in public and around other people we know (this was not always the case). He’s told me multiple times how much he likes me/likes spending time with me.
Where things get kinda weird is that he makes ZERO effort to hang out. Whenever we’re together he always talks about ‘we should go do this’ and ‘when are you free this week’ – seems eager to hang out again. In person, he’ll suggest/make plans. But we’ve had to cancel those plans once or twice and when we’re texting, he’ll never commit to hanging out. Lots of ‘sometime this week’, ‘I’ll let you know’, and things like that…(continued)
SParticipantSeptember 3, 2014 at 6:48 pm #60667
I will generally then have to suggest a time/place/activity to make plans happen again.
Now, I’m not looking for anything serious – I’m enjoying hanging out, having fun, having someone to hook up with occasionally. I don’t need to text all the time, hang out every day or anything like that. If we were just sex buddies and only meeting up for that it would be one thing, but since we’re actually spending time together beyond that I’d like to not always be the one making things happen. It would be nice to see him make a tiny effort – either follow through and make plans if he’s serious about wanting to hang out, or don’t suggest them in the first place.
Would love some opinions on what you think his deal is, whether I’m an idiot and he’s just playing me (which, if that’s the case, he’s not even doing that very well, our hookups-to-nights-out ratio is pretty low), or…something else?
I’m a female, btw. Stuck this under Men’s Topics because I’m hoping for guys take.
Leonardo BustosParticipantSeptember 4, 2014 at 12:25 am #60674
Hello S –
What I’m about to tell you may sound counter-intuitive, you may not agree, and you probably won’t even like it, but you’ll have to trust me since I’ve got a lot of experience in this area.
I think you will agree In any relationship the person with the higher value will have more of the power. In lasting loving relationships, this power structure is shared and sometimes it’s 65-35, and others 35-65. It sounds like you’ve given him the power, and he’s not willing to reciprocate.
If you want to have him pursue you more, then follow this advice closely: The next time you spend time together, show him the best time he’s ever had, then don’t contact him again. If you contact him first – you lose.
You must wait for him to contact you first. When he tries to communicate with you the next time, make sure he knows that your life is going great, and that you don’t miss him, in fact you’re having a great time without him…
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