Me [25 M] her [23 F] Stepping Back

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Me [25 M] her [23 F] Stepping Back

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    Braytc
    Braytc
    Participant
    April 11, 2019 at 11:00 am #198519
    Me [25 M] her [23 F] Stepping Back

    Okay so this is an interesting situation, we met on a dating app, lived in the same town, worked for similar places, hit it off right away. We talked on the app for about 3 days all day long, and before i could even get a chance to, she asked me on a date that Thursday, and sent me her number.

    So we went out that thursday, had an amazing time and just everything clicked harder than it ever has with any of my other dates. We went out the next night, then saturday night, sunday night, and basically for the past 2-3 weeks we’ve gone out every night except like 2 when we worked late. That’s like what, 14+ times seeing eachother?

    She wanted me to meet her parents at her house after 2 weeks. We met eachothers friends and this past weekend went out with her brother and met him. We’ve basically shared just about everything we could together. She stayed over at my house after a week or so.

    Now going on week 3 to 4, her attitude changed a lot. We were extremely open with eachother, her past 3

    Braytc
    Braytc
    Participant
    April 11, 2019 at 11:02 am #198521

    year relationship was very physically and mentally abusive, and has sad on multiple occasions “idk how such a great guy like you are into me” “how did i ever deserve you” and things like that. She has a severe deep depression and anxiety. Her being on her period this week has made that even worse really

    She started to no longer act quite as excited or flirty with me, not saying nearly the same things to me as before and things just seemed to change a little, so i asked her about it. She assured me that there’s nothing at all wrong with me, and told me I wouldn’t have had you meet my parents or would’ve told you bye a while ago if i didnt think this was going somewhere or that i didnt like you. So i believed her and we continued going out, the fact that she still kept inviting me out weekends and weeknights i was like okay everything isnt as bad as i thought.

    Today, this morning, she sends me a message “can we talk”

    Braytc
    Braytc
    Participant
    April 11, 2019 at 11:03 am #198522

    Then sends this
    I think with my mental state right now I don’t know that a committed relationship is the best thing for me. I really enjoy spending time with you and you’re a really great person and I’m not saying that I want to stop talking to you or anything. I still want to talk and see you. But for some reason my brain isn’t allowing me to give you 100% where you are. I’m doing my best but I really think I need to not have a commitment right now so that I can keep focusing on myself. Does that make any sense?

    Like I feel right now I have to give a lot of myself to you and it’s taking away from myself where it needs to be.

    Now i saw this coming a while ago as I said something felt off. I didnt sweat it, i told her there is no pressure here and we can do what you feel you need to do. I asked her for the truth if she just doesnt want to see me anymore or if theres other guys she wants to see instead.

    Braytc
    Braytc
    Participant
    April 11, 2019 at 11:04 am #198523

    She said “before i was at a high point, and now im at a serious low point with my depression and anxiety”
    “No i dont want to see anyone else”
    “I feel terrible right now and really sorry”

    I told her im supportive and there for her, and we can move at a pace that’s more comfortable

    She said “Like there are days I just don’t want to talk but I feel obligated too because of this and I just can’t do it
    I don’t know why I’m feeling like this but I am”
    “I’m not leaving”
    “I know I just need to take a step back”
    “I mean you’re acting like its okay but I hope you don’t hate me”

    Braytc
    Braytc
    Participant
    April 11, 2019 at 11:05 am #198524

    tl;dr
    So I’m just asking for advice on what you think of this. People i talk to say this is just her wanting to look at herself and time she needs, along with the relationship before things move further. Give her space and let her come back since she says she has feelings. Others of course say shes no longer interested or looking at other guys or something like that which with everything thats happened i think shes not saying that or would tell me.

    Its like, the funniest part about it is she’s set up basically every single night we go out, shes the one that messages me every day. Shes the one that told me to meet her parents on freaking week 2. Shes the one that called me her boyfriend before i did anything. One night after a date shes like “will you be my boyfriend”
    She gave me her number and asked me out on a date on that app before i could even so anything.

    Braytc
    Braytc
    Participant
    April 11, 2019 at 11:05 am #198525

    Sure this all sounds very fast, the whole time i was saying to myself wow this is moving quick but if she wants.

    She did literally EVERYTHING FIRST, initiated everything that has happened and i have the texts lol. Now is like wait i need time and step back..

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    April 11, 2019 at 11:53 am #198530

    “But for some reason my brain isn’t allowing me to give you 100% where (you) are.”
    She’s essentially saying she doesn’t care about (you) as much as you care about (her).

    There are way too many “red flags” with this situation.
    The main one being the extreme speed at which everything has taken place.

    I suspect she is one of those people who falls in love with (falling in love).
    However once the relationship settles into a sort of routine she questions it and herself.
    Instead of falling deeper in love with time they long for the excitement which comes with being with someone “new”.

    If I were you I would never allow anyone to put me in “limbo” while they make up their mind.
    Sure we could be “friends” but I would keep my options open by dating other women.
    If we’re not mentally in the same space or want the same things we’re wrong for each other!
    It’s foolish to chase after someone who doesn’t want to be with you.
    Life is too short to be trying to change water into wine.

    saraunique4
    saraunique4
    Participant
    April 11, 2019 at 7:18 pm #198580

    She loves you, i know what its like to be in an abusive relationship because i have been there before, i met a guy on this free dating website and we hit it off real good, he came to see my parents, my parents liked him but all of a sudden i think a switch turned in his head, he became really abusive he will hit me beat me up so i left him, when i left him after 4 months he came back to me begging, but it was too late. All she needs is some space, but keep talking to her and once in a while visit her, she will come out of it.

    Braytc
    Braytc
    Participant
    April 14, 2019 at 9:26 am #198630

    She loves you, i know what its like to be in an abusive relationship because i have been there before, i met a guy on this free dating website and we hit it off real good, he came to see my parents, my parents liked him but all of a sudden i think a switch turned in his head, he became really abusive he will hit me beat me up so i left him, when i left him after 4 months he came back to me begging, but it was too late. All she needs is some space, but keep talking to her and once in a while visit her, she will come out of it.

    Do you truly think so? People are like “she lost interest and wants to see other guys” or saying “shes just playing games” ive been still talking to her and seeing her. She messages me all day still and invites me out a lot of the nights. I talked to her about it cause i was confused what needing space ment when you keep contacting me anyways. The only thing that freaked me out was that she stopped the flirty text messaging and

    Braytc
    Braytc
    Participant
    April 14, 2019 at 9:27 am #198631
    Reply To: Me [25 M] her [23 F] Stepping Back

    She loves you, i know what its like to be in an abusive relationship because i have been there before, i met a guy on this free dating website and we hit it off real good, he came to see my parents, my parents liked him but all of a sudden i think a switch turned in his head, he became really abusive he will hit me beat me up so i left him, when i left him after 4 months he came back to me begging, but it was too late. All she needs is some space, but keep talking to her and once in a while visit her, she will come out of it.

    Kissing and physical contact. Before she would hold my hand and hang on me places we go. She’d kiss me all the time. Then she came over one weekend and we did things, and ever since that she’s been like on a weird decline. She recently at least kisses me at the end of dates now and sometimes holds my hand. It just really plays with my feelings for her, i wish she’d just let it happen