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tazban01ParticipantJanuary 22, 2013 at 3:53 am #20876
I answered an ad in the personals and we were both upfront about the fact that we only wanted something casual – I explained that I just got out of a 4 year relationship and wanted to enjoy being single but would still like male companionship. We e-mailed a few times and texted a few times and now we’re going to meet on Thursday for drinks. The problem is that if I go to meet him, I won’t be able to drive home unless I only have a couple, which is kind of sabotaging the date since I’m socially awkward and need some alcohol to relax me (an issue I’ll have to deal with at some point, I know) – and I want to have an exit option. If he comes to meet me, I’m afraid that he’ll assume he’ll be staying at my house and be expecting sex right away. And if it’s really bad, I think it would be much more difficult to exit if he came to me.
I’m a very, very late bloomer as well as a bit of a homebody so I have very little dating experience and am not sure what social expectations there are. Does “casual” imply fast sex to guys? Even though I’m not looking to be exclusive, I’d still want to get to know him first and make sure there’s some chemistry. Should I have worded my intentions differently? Any advice on the best way to meet in situations like these?
abigailParticipantJanuary 23, 2013 at 11:14 am #21018
I think he meant casual as “sex and fun.”
If you already know beforehand that you may be too drunk to drive, have a cab number saved on your phone! Have friend willing to pick you up if things go sour. If he senses you’re nervous he’ll probably try to take you to a quieter place and convince you stay over (if he wants to move things faster) I think you should always be on the defense.
Have you looked him up online? Like his full name? You’re meeting a stranger and although he may seem “normal” I can’t help but think of all of those CSI shows that make this a typical bad scenario…Just be mature, don’t act vulnerable and have a plan to walk away if you feel uncomfortable.
slobeachboyParticipantMarch 10, 2013 at 5:59 pm #25390
First of all, drinking problems aside, there is no excuse these days to meet someone without first seeing their face and talking to them. Virtually everyone on the planet has a webcam these days and you should always have numerous video chats with someone before meeting in person. You should also have some real conversations on the phone rather than hiding behind text messages. You need to hear a person’s voice and see their body language to really get a feel for whether you might be compatible or not. I am constantly flabbergasted by the stupidity of people who carry on these long term “relationships” with people who they’ve never actually even seen or spoken to. Why would anyone just assume that a photo someone posted online is actually that person? It boggles the mind. I don’t consider anyone to be real until I’ve seen them on the webcam and talked to them on the phone. And if they are constantly making excuses why they can’t do either one then I assume that they either have something to hide or they are so terrified of real human contact that they must hide in the cyber world. Either way I know that they are not for me and I move on. As for texting it was never meant to be a replacement for a back and forth voice conversation. It was meant to send a quick note to someone that didn’t necessarily need to be replied to. But now it’s become some kind of fad and people carry on lengthy text “conversations” and its just plain stupid. If you want to instant message someone online with a webcam that’s fine, but use the phone as a phone as it was meant to be used.
Back to this guys expectations, all I can say is every guy is hoping to get lucky on the first date but they should not be expecting it. And not having seen what you actually wrote to him I can’t say for sure if your words could easily be misconstrued by the average guy to suggest that you are looking for a “good time”. Of course there are some guys out there who are so dense that even if you flat out rebuke them they still think that you want to have sex with them. As for what he wrote I can tell you that in online personals the word “casual” is indeed more often than not code for quick no strings attached sex. But it doesn’t have to be.
As for the alcohol issue I have a few things to say about that. First of all you shouldn’t be driving home even with just “ a few drinks” in you. And secondly, as a woman, you really shouldn’t be drinking any alcohol at all on a first date with a stranger that you’re not 100% sure of. One drink might be okay but I have a feeling that you are the type who cant drink just one so you would likely quickly get inebriated to the point where you might get yourself into trouble, especially if this guy turns out to be bad news.
Anyway, just be safe and use your head.
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