met online- dating 3 months- he does not try anything physical!!

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met online- dating 3 months- he does not try anything physical!!

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    MiaSara
    MiaSara
    Participant
    October 1, 2018 at 9:09 am #185792
    met online- dating 3 months- he does not try anything physical!!

    Desperately need advice. Met someone online three months ago and we had 14 dates. We live an hour and 15 minutes apart. We both agree that we are seeking long-term relationships. He is gentlemanly- opens doors, pays for dates… We end each date with a hug and quick kiss on closed lips. I have showed my attraction to him- flirting and touching him – he doesn’t reciprocate. There have been numerous times when we are alone- dinner at each other homes, dark movie theaters, etc. but he never holds my hand or puts an arm around me. Since he lives in a resort area and I live in a rural area- he asks me to come see him every weekend. I have met his family and friends- all welcoming. I should mention that we both still currently have profiles on line. There has been no talk of exclusivity. I am becoming more confused. Honestly, I have wondered is he gay? Am I considered just a friend? Am I over-reacting here? Help!!!

    bree12
    bree12
    Participant
    October 1, 2018 at 3:28 pm #185839

    Hi there, has there been any talk of previous relationships, I had a friend in this situation and it turned out the guy was a virgin, too embarrassed to tell her and too scared to instigate anything further. Just a thought

    MiaSara
    MiaSara
    Participant
    October 1, 2018 at 4:52 pm #185844

    Hi- thanks for responding! He is 58 years old, divorced, and has had a post divorce relationship. I actually thought perhaps he has some performance difficulties in the bedroom. It’s just becoming frustrating because he plans romantic dates- sunset cruise, cozy candle-lit restaurants, etc.. yet doesn’t initiate anything physically. Also, we watched a movie at his house and he sat on a chair while I sat on the sofa!! I do like him and I have flirted with him and touched his arm/leg while talking but he doesn’t reciprocate. He initiates all contact. I guess to me it’s just starting to feel odd and I am not sure how to express this.

    bree12
    bree12
    Participant
    October 2, 2018 at 8:54 am #185877

    Sorry there goes my theory, I wasn’t sure how old he was. Could be that he’s majorly lost his confidence perhaps but I agree 3 months is quite a long time. It’s a difficult subject to broach I guess, the only theory I can come to is that he’s trying to establish a strong base before taking things further physically, maybe it’s self preservation on his part.
    I think it would be reasonable to try and talk to him about it perhaps you could ask him his general opinion on what his views are on relationships and how long it should be before you get physical…he may pick up on the hint and open up to you a bit. It’s worth a shot before you end up writing it off I guess

    MiaSara
    MiaSara
    Participant
    October 2, 2018 at 10:21 am #185906

    Hi- thanks for your reply. My closest friend has the same exact theory as you- he is building a strong base before deciding to move things along. In one way it is refreshingly different yet at the same time it can be frustrating when we are in a romantic situation and there isn’t even a small gesture like holding my hand. I think I will just continue to go with it, have fun, and see what naturally unfolds. Thanks for your input!

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    October 2, 2018 at 11:29 am #185926

    “I have showed my attraction to him- flirting and touching him – {he doesn’t reciprocate}.”
    Move on!

    Just because he was married doesn’t mean he’s not gay.
    Rock Hudson and Elton John were once married to women too!

    Secondly he may be impotent or unable to perform sexually.
    I knew a woman who married a guy in which they did not have pre-marital sex.
    He was a minister and she was also very religious.
    After they were married he revealed to her due to his previous bouts with cancer he was unable to sexually preform.
    His cancer came back and she cared for him during the 7 years of their sexless marriage until he died.

    Odds are in 2018 if a man is dating a woman who is giving him the “green light” and he ignores it something is usually “wrong”. Most guys subscribe to the 3 date rule. I know of no man who would go 3 months without a single wet kiss!
    Generally people who want to wait actually want you to become (emotionally invested) because it makes it harder for you to walk away them.

    MiaSara
    MiaSara
    Participant
    October 2, 2018 at 4:11 pm #185979

    Hi Dashingscorpio- thanks for the feedback. In the back of my mind- I feel like something is off with this too, hence why I posted my concerns here. It is hard for me to believe that a hot blooded male can last three months without anything more than a quick peck on the lips. I enjoy time with this guy so even if he ends up just being a friend- I am ok with that. I am multi-dating and have met another guy that I like as well so there are definitely possibilities.

    JP Happy
    JP Happy
    Participant
    October 4, 2018 at 4:00 pm #186204

    I’m a big believer in asking direct questions. Don’t give into your fear, ask and wait for his answer. Ask the question in a non-threatening manner. Something like, “I really like you XXXX, are we on a track where we become an exclusive couple with a physical and emotional relationship that is part of the deal?” You can sweeten the communication with a “I’m ready if you are?” But give him a chance to air his side. His answer may not come until he “thinks about it…” because guys are notorious for wanting to keep their options open and not being put on the spot. If all you can get is a timeline for having another discussion, I’d call that a win.

    MiaSara
    MiaSara
    Participant
    October 8, 2018 at 12:01 pm #186437

    Thanks JP- that is good sound advice that I will take. I saw him this weekend and again- while we were hanging around his house waiting for an event we were going to- he sat all the way across the living room from me. Like I have cooties or something! This was our 16th date! We spent 10 hours together and it ended with the usual quick peck on the lips and a quick hug. It is starting to feel odd and awkward. I am starting to think of him as just a friend. We have been dating almost 4 months now and are starting to see each other twice a week. It is definitely time for direct communication.

    Libra82
    Libra82
    Participant
    October 17, 2018 at 6:29 pm #187343
    Reply To: met online- dating 3 months- he does not try anything physical!!

    I can probably relate exactly where he is coming from.. There is a woman I am seeing.. been on 10 dates now and not moved thing to the bedroom, kiss after every date, touch her butt, touch her. Here’s the odd thing.. I know how to read all the signs.. the first date went so well she offered for me to come up to her place.. pretty much grabbed my hand and said I could come to bed with her to sleep wink wink.. I backed off and said I had work very soon.

    I have been on dates with other women and fully happy and confident about going to bed with them when they were ready.

    I’m not a virgin, I love women, I love sex. However, this one woman.. she has given all the signals letting me know she’s ready and it’s ok to move forward.. however… it’s like this… weird barrier.. I start to think in my head “wait for the perfect moment, make it perfect” Before I know it the night is over and another opportunity has been missed with her. My guess is he needs you to move it along

    richiro
    richiro
    Participant
    October 18, 2018 at 2:07 pm #187419
    Reply To: met online- dating 3 months- he does not try anything physical!!

    hes’ definitely interested for sure. 14-15 dates? romantic ones? kisses on lips. met his friends and familiy? Interest in more than friends is definitely there (UNLESS he introduces you as his “friend” – then that’s different).

    I’m going with the impotent theory here which coincides with a more telling trait – lack of libido.

    I’m going to suggest that you initiate a bit more here and push the level of intimacy more. But DO NOT push it towards sex.. slowly build up to that and show him that you’re with him for him, enjoy him, and it isn’t about sex.. doen’st have to be about sex.. the cuddling, kssing, touching, all that other stuff is good too.

    He’ll eventually get the confidence to go ahead and get ultimately intimate without being insecure. You will have to be understanding if he IS impotent and do the “its okay.. we’ll figure it out.. being with you is the key..” thing. hopefully that gets him over the hump..

    Datinghard
    Datinghard
    Participant
    November 26, 2018 at 8:03 pm #189880
    Reply To: met online- dating 3 months- he does not try anything physical!!

    If he isn’t trying to be physical after that many dates just ask him what is up. You don’t have time to waste on people that aren’t willing to really chase you. If you need more affection then tell him. If he can’t give it then move on. Tons of people in the world….tons