met online, then met in person, but does he find me attractive!??

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met online, then met in person, but does he find me attractive!??

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    nea
    nea
    Participant
    February 2, 2015 at 6:39 am #72354
    Reply To: met online, then met in person, but does he find me attractive!??

    emails every 2 or 3 days!!!!???? man youve got some super incredible patience… my boy and i were texting like every half hour right at the start… then it kind of became every 2 hours or so… after we met he was fully in touch even though he was on the road… a message every 3 or 4 hours… but then again like i said, nothing since yesterday. …
    how long go did you guys meet? and when are you planning on meeting again?! any concrete plans or youre just going with the flow…?

    and thanks for the venting offer oh my god id NEVER survive connecting once every 2 or 3 days. im annoyed enough that he hasnt texted since yesterday.

    Eve
    Eve
    Participant
    February 2, 2015 at 6:50 am #72356
    Reply To: met online, then met in person, but does he find me attractive!??

    Wow, that is intense! But you must also know that texting each other in every half an hour can’t go on forever – unfortunately. You both have other things in your life, like work, friends, family… So I really think that this was something granted, that texting frequency decreases 🙁 But that is not anything bad, don’t worry, it is just life!
    He said to you that he is super busy recently, so just believe him. When we had our weekend (10-11 january) with my guy, he also told me he’ll be busy in the next few weeks. Guys honestly think that they explained themselves clearly, no need to send another message or text, that hey, I’m still super busy. And still, and still and still…
    For me, his e-mails are definitely a highlight of the evening, it always makes my day when he writes me. It cheers me up not just for 10 minutes, but for an entire day: I think this is like drugs, haha 😀 You got so much already, you are already a junkie 😛
    But concrete plans: NOTHING. Vague hints only… :S

    Eve
    Eve
    Participant
    February 2, 2015 at 6:53 am #72357
    Reply To: met online, then met in person, but does he find me attractive!??

    And that is what I’m really annoyed about actually: if I knew he’s coming around like 3 weeks from now, I’d be fine with that. But so far all he wrote me, is that he hopes he can catch a break soon, and maybe see my city with snow. So… at least he is dropping a hint about winter, and that is the most I can hope for :S

    nea
    nea
    Participant
    February 2, 2015 at 6:58 am #72358
    Reply To: met online, then met in person, but does he find me attractive!??

    i dont mean to burst your bubble but dont you think youre selling yourself a little short…? i mean im sure youre a lovely attractive young woman, you sound like a great person… dont you think you deserve more than vague hints? i mean a guy should be breaking doors down to be with you! or at least making an effort to see you… i bet you want to see him like.. NOW…! doesnt it surprise you or annoy you that he doesnt feel the same way…

    also… why cant you visit him?

    as for my boy… look ive made all the effort up till now.. hes really done nothing… so im going to see what happens after he comes back from his vacation. and in the meanwhile lets see when he writes in. if i don’t hear from him today or tomorrow all he’s getting in reply to whatever he texts me is a polite smiley face.

    if im worried about losing what we have, shouldn’t he be worried too? same in your case…

    Eve
    Eve
    Participant
    February 2, 2015 at 7:14 am #72359

    Of course I’d love to see my knight in his shiny armour, and hear about him every single second. But the reason I can’t let him go, is that when he was around, and when he had all the time for me: he was truly my knight 🙂 The weekend we had together – even with the little defects – was simply magical. He told me a lot about his family, his friends, issues as a child, issues as an adult, his “dark past” that he wishes to deny… so he really opened up to me, which is usually a very big deal for a guy. We both felt very comfortable with each other, none of my jerk exboyfriends could ever make me feel like this.
    But in the real life he is a teamleader, which in the corporate world means long-long work hours, also often working at the weekends. This is why it is really difficult for him to plan for a weekend, and yes, I could easily freak out about this, but I know he is doing the best he can.
    Btw, how old are you? I have this feeling that maybe I’m older, that’s why I’m a bit calmer 😉

    nea
    nea
    Participant
    February 2, 2015 at 7:21 am #72360

    no no im pretty old!! im 27!
    well my boy is pretty much an opener-upper too… more so than i am! i totally feel like the guy in this thing sometimes only cause im pretty tough, at least on the outside and he’s super chill and in touch with his feelings! … i wish i had your outlook… you sound so at peace and secure. i think thats the problem, i keep feeling like something is going to happen and hes just going to up and say he doesnt want to do this anymore. and maybe i feel like that because of the jackasses ive dated in the past. really bad boys with no conscience. i cant believe he would do that to me… but i think maybe im so impatient cause i keep thinking its a step away from blowing up! ….
    trust me ive BEEN understanding.. he tried to make it to our city day 2 of us talking and then once around my birthday but he couldnt cause he had work… and when i finally made it he had to leave the next day…
    i dunno. it pisses me off that this is so out of my control.

    Eve
    Eve
    Participant
    February 2, 2015 at 7:34 am #72362

    Hahaha, yep, I’m older: 28 😉
    I think you just got the point: it is not him, it is YOU! Finding your inner peace and security should not be dependent on anyone else, but you.
    Yes, I might be wrong again with this guy, after all I dated to some jerks too. Part of our past. But our guys seem to be decent ones, they do respect us, we had an awesome time with them, so we are lucky to have something nice going on. Yes, they might turn out jerks too, like disappearing on us, or something, but does your fear of this changes anything? Not really… So no point of worrying about that 😉 And you know what? If the guys turn out to be jerks, it is totally their loss. I mean if they are not worried of loosing us, they disappear on us, then it is better that we learned early, and they weren’t worth it. So another point for no worries 😉
    Just never pressure him, I think that could kill it all. Guys like women, who are confident in themselves, insecurity is a turn off. So have a little faith 😉

    nea
    nea
    Participant
    February 2, 2015 at 7:47 am #72363

    youre obviously a 100% right… i mean all the philosophers say that all you have control over is yourself… not over anything on the outside. im trying not to pressure him, he keeps acknowledging HOW understanding ive been so i suppose i must have a handle on my impatience…. i suppose the only thing to do is to kind of wait! ugh… the waiting… yeh he keeps asking me to have faith.
    i suppose i just have to wait for him to connect as and when that happens. i think i should nap, this whole situation is leaving me sleepless!!!
    you didnt say why you cant visit your guy?

    Eve
    Eve
    Participant
    February 2, 2015 at 8:58 am #72375

    (Sorry, I had a meeting.)
    I could, but if he doesn’t have the time, then we have the same problem 🙂 But actually it is cozier for the both of us if he visits me: I have my own place, whereas he is living with roommates, also, I have a dog, who I’d have to arrange a petsitter for, and according to him: my city is way more beautiful than his 😉 So yeah, eventually I think I’ll visit him once (fingers crossed :P), but at the moment this way seems better for the both of us.
    For us I always wonder if cultural differences aren’t some issues… we’re both expats in the Netherlands, coming from different countries, speaking English as a foreign language… so I actually think that being open and honest is even more important. That is one more reason to actually believe him instead of immediately assuming he is a jerk 😛
    I agree, waiting is the worst part, that’s why I said you need to find your distraction. For me, it is my friends 🙂

    Helensamuel
    Helensamuel
    Participant
    February 2, 2015 at 12:17 pm #72387

    Hey just be patient if you dont think there the one for you! Then just wait the person will come for you for sure.

    nea
    nea
    Participant
    February 2, 2015 at 2:03 pm #72410

    hey… sorry i slept!!!…
    sounds like youve got it sorted eve 🙂 which is awesome! im so glad youre at a peaceful spot with this… i wish i could be.
    i dunno… i still havent heard from him… hes even ‘read’ my whatsapp message but not bothered replying. to be honest im starting to just not care. i feel like ive been putting more into this than he has and its just getting me to a point where im literally like- whatever.

    and thank you helensamuel…yup…waiting, waiting.

    Eve
    Eve
    Participant
    February 2, 2015 at 3:37 pm #72425

    Good for you, finally sleeping! 🙂
    Well, my friends would strongly disagree with you 😀 Last week I was really loosing it, then I also got to the “whatever-phase”, next stop is peace-village 😉 The guy is still in touch with me – even though he is not writing as often as I wish, but still -, so all in all, that is a good sign. We will eventually have a second date, I’m sure. Yes, I wish it was already like yesterday, but no, I can’t make things go faster, so I distract myself, and keep on waiting. He is the kind of guy who is worth waiting for.
    My mum always says that guys have only one brain-cell: if that is focused on work, then they are focused on work. End of story. We, women can focus (and obsess!) on many things simultaneously, so we simply can’t understand why men can’t do the same. But they really can’t, and this is something that we should not take offensive, otherwise it drives us craaaaaazy 🙂

    nea
    nea
    Participant
    February 2, 2015 at 11:48 pm #72455

    dont you worry it may just fizzle out…?….
    your mum sounds like a pretty cool lady, my mum keeps telling me that if hes into me he’l make time to be in touch…
    still haven’t heard from him. im wondering if he doesnt want to do this with me anymore, but im thinking if that was the case im sure he would have TOLD me! hes not the kind of person to disappear… anyway at this point i just have to keep myself busy with other stuff. like going to the beach!
    i guess il wait till tomorrow before i officially close this chapter in my head

    nea
    nea
    Participant
    February 3, 2015 at 4:02 am #72458

    really freaking out now…havnt heard from him from sunday…sent him a message today just with a photo of a pup my organization got adopted today. again …no response…does this mean its over..? what should i do?

    Eve
    Eve
    Participant
    February 3, 2015 at 5:29 am #72459

    He is busy, remember? 🙂 Btw when will be back from vacation?
    If you know he is not the kind of guy, who would just disappear, then he is not disappearing on you. He is just doing something else right now, and if his one brain-cell is focused on that, then he has no other brain-cells for you at the moment. Men are not superheros as we are 😉
    Just go to the beach and have fun! A little sunbathing never hurts 😉

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