Mixed signals from a girl

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Mixed signals from a girl

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    Mr.Anonymous88
    Mr.Anonymous88
    Participant
    April 22, 2018 at 10:11 pm #171361
    Mixed signals from a girl

    There is a girl at my new job that I have been interested in since week 1. I finally worked close with her around week 2 or 3. I introduced myself finally and we talked a little about the job. We maybe talked once or twice more that week about the same amount and not about anything personal. Then weeks go by and we don’t work close together. We don’t talk. Maybe just say hi as we pass each other. I also find out she’s got a boyfriend and he works there. The thing that really got me is during These weeks we hadnt talked or worked close together, was there was major eye contact between me and her. Always looking at each other and or smiling when in the same vacinity or even from across the room. It felt like flirting with our eyes. I’ve had small interactions with her since. She seems to like me. But At one point over about the last month she started treating me hot and cold. Mixed signals. And her boyfriend just quit and moved away. Thoughts? Is she mad I havnt made a move?

    brick-49
    brick-49
    Participant
    April 23, 2018 at 9:45 am #171381

    I have some experience with work place dating. My best advice is to just avoid it all together, especially if she is already giving mixed signals. Things can get really awkward when you have to see the person every day.

    Jenny_brains
    Jenny_brains
    Participant
    April 23, 2018 at 12:11 pm #171433

    I agree with brick-49 for the most part, depends on the work place. It sounds like maybe there was a break up and maybe she is attracted to you but is it worth it? You could be that guy that ends up being a rebound and then have to deal with the awkwardness of seeing each other everyday at work. If you really are interested in her than be her friend first to really see if there is a relationship scenario possible before jumping the gun. Nobody likes being a rebound and nobody likes feeling uncomfortable at work either. Is there a potential for an after work happy hour type scenario with other co workers there too? That would be a great way to get to know her other than in the work place without it being a date.

    Mr.Anonymous88
    Mr.Anonymous88
    Participant
    April 23, 2018 at 2:25 pm #171460

    Yeah I can see your guys point of view. Theres other things that she started doing a little while back like breaking the touch barrier. I perceived it in a flirtatious way. However she hasn’t done that for some time, except she “accidentally” bumped into me recently. I’m not sure if she a flirt, player, likes the attention, is unsure about me, or wants me to respond in a certain way. It seems to me like when I give her attention she pulls back right after or if I don’t give her attention she shows up, wether it be a day or a week later. There’s too many factors for me to know exactly and maybe I don’t need to know exactly. I will admit at the beginning I got a little too excited about liking a new chick. Maybe even a little obsessed and overthinking everything. That’s my bad. I suppose the best thing would be is to just chill take a step back and be a friend at the most until PROVEN otherwise? Thing is im not going to know how to respond the next time she acts “hot” towards me.

    Mr.Anonymous88
    Mr.Anonymous88
    Participant
    April 23, 2018 at 2:30 pm #171463

    Oh and I see how she treats me differently than every other guy. She can easily laugh and joke and talk with other guys but when it comes me she seems to completely change. Like it could be both in a positive or a negative way. I obviously have some kind of effect on her behavior but I don’t want to be reason for the negative behavior.

    Coach_Michael21
    Coach_Michael21
    Participant
    April 23, 2018 at 5:45 pm #171521

    Mr. Anonymous,

    I feel like I could have written this post myself. The whole reason I began my journey as a relationship coach was because I had an almost identical experience to you 3 years ago with a co-worker. Like you, there was heavy flirting, touching, innuendos, etc, but no real “official” romance. I also found out, MONTHS later, that she had a boyfriend all that time we were playing around. It turns out that this girl, while attracted on a certain level, was not attracted enough to leave her boyfriend, who she’s now married to, BTW. Girls are like that sometimes. There are levels of attraction, it’s not really an on-off switch. They may fancy you, but not enough to want to go all-in in terms of a romantic relationship. They may like the attention and validation you give them, and they will keep the playfulness going as long as you give it to them. I came to realize, that if a girl REALLY wanted to have a relationship, she would eventually stop the play and get serious.

    Coach_Michael21
    Coach_Michael21
    Participant
    April 23, 2018 at 5:49 pm #171522

    (continued)

    She never did, and our relationship never progressed beyond that, despite my asking her out, her turning me down, yet continuing to flirt and give me innuendo after that.

    Have you tried actually asking her out? If you do, that will no doubt reveal her thoughts and feelings on the potential for a relationship. If she says no, move on, and as another poster said, try avoiding workplace romance….it tends to cause more problems than it solves. Hope this helps!

    Mr.Anonymous88
    Mr.Anonymous88
    Participant
    April 23, 2018 at 6:16 pm #171523

    Thanks for all of your feedback! It’s given me some good insight and different viewpoints from my own and that’s what I need!

    What if I just ask her if she wants to get to know each other? Not even like a date. I’m thinking maybe then she wouldn’t feel as pressured idk.
    Im thinking like, “hey you seem like a pretty cool person, I was wondering if you’d like to get to know each other better?” “Maybe we could exchange numbers or hangout sometime?”

    Mr.Anonymous88
    Mr.Anonymous88
    Participant
    April 24, 2018 at 10:09 am #171524

    Again it’s likely I’m giving this too much thought so tell me if I am lol