Mixed signals? Is she interested or friendly?

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Mixed signals? Is she interested or friendly?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    jason90
    jason90
    Participant
    October 26, 2018 at 12:04 am #187936
    Mixed signals? Is she interested or friendly?

    Hello,

    So I work with this girl we’re both in our mid 20s. She’s a very enthusiastic, boss’ favourite type employee who is friendly to everyone. Lately, she seems to be showing signs of interest, but I can’t tell if it’s just her personality. She has definitely shown signs of interest such as:

    -To greet me at the start of the day, she’ll always give a big smile and wave
    -She’ll initiate the conversation, and typically make an effort to continue it if it stalls
    -She’ll sit near me even when unnecessary (eg directly beside or across from me)
    With that being said, she is generally ‘cold’ to me in other instances. For example, during our shift she won’t initiate conversation and essentially acts as though I’m not present. I can’t tell what’s going on here. There have also been two occasions where she has said she wanted to ask me something important, but never did. Is she just being friendly? Why am I getting strong interest one moment, but none the next.

    Thanks,

    Jason

    Mimina
    Mimina
    Participant
    October 26, 2018 at 7:44 am #187942

    it’s a complicated situation

    richiro
    richiro
    Participant
    October 26, 2018 at 1:49 pm #187978

    so yeah.. she’s just being “professional” i guess you can say.

    everybody puts on a “certain face” when at work —- because it’s work. You’re expected to get along, be pleasant, and be a “good co-worker”. That’s part of the deal. dont mistake that for interest. you are correct in asking “is it just the way she is generally, or is there somethign special with me?” But your assessment is a bit off. Evrything yo described as being “special” to you is in fact just general.

    It would be “special” towards you if:
    – she doesn’t wave ‘hi’ and greet anybody else at the start of the day or when she first sees them
    – if she doesn’t initiate conversation with anybody else
    – there are 2-4 people that can probably say “she always sits near or across from me” at each meeting.. that’s not special unless you always get to the meeting with plenty of seating still available and she has multiple options to choose and always chooses to be next to you specifically (i don’t count “across from”).

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    October 26, 2018 at 9:01 pm #188022

    It’s a shame we live in such a cold world whereby if someone is nice to us we believe they’re “into us”.
    Just because someone is friendly, smiles, and waves doesn’t mean anything other than they’re perfect for customer service jobs.
    “She’s a very enthusiastic, boss’ favorite type employee {who is friendly to everyone}.”

    “…during our shift she won’t initiate conversation and essentially acts as though I’m not present”
    This is another sign that she is serious about (her job) and not interested in flirting or being playful when it’s time to work.
    Generally the conversation topic is an indication of whether or not someone is romantically interested.
    From what you’ve stated it sounds like she’s just having typical “co-worker” banter.

    The question you really need an answer to is: Are YOU are interested in her?
    If the answer is “yes” what are YOU doing to show her YOU are interested?
    Are you initiating conversations? Have you invited her to have lunch? or do anything outside of work?

    jason90
    jason90
    Participant
    October 27, 2018 at 2:07 pm #188030

    Hello, thank you both for your responses. To be honest, I don’t feel like I have shown too much interest because for a while I wasn’t interested. I rarely initiate our conversations (especially not on the work floor) but am quite receptive when she does start them. Could this explain her actions or put them in another perspective? I try not to act on interests in the workplace for obvious reasons but your responses are showing the shortfalls of that.

    DMM712
    DMM712
    Participant
    October 27, 2018 at 5:07 pm #188031

    I’m a bit younger in college, but I worked at a snack bar with a girl that turned out to be into me. She would act totally differently around me while working so I wouldn’t immediately say she isn’t just because she is “cold” to you during a shift. Sitting next to you is usually a big indicator of interest, especially if she does it all the time. It’s your decision ultimately but I would end by saying that in general what do you have to lose by asking her out? The way I look at it, if a girl says no, you’re still in the same position. I’d also prefer rejection over regret any day. Best of luck!

    kellylonely1234@gmail.com
    [email protected]
    Participant
    October 28, 2018 at 7:03 am #188040

    Have you tried to share your thought and feelings with her? Have you shown sincere to know her?

    Mark4772
    Mark4772
    Participant
    October 28, 2018 at 2:27 pm #188048

    i agree with an earlier comment.. the real question is whether you are interested in her. If you are, offer to do something very casual–like coffee. Buy her a coffee and tell her, “I find you attractive and you’re really interesting. Sometimes I think you are interested in my and other times Im not so sure. Would you like to go out sometime?”
    If you aren’t interested in her, assume she’s just being friendly and don’t let her play with your head

    twiti
    twiti
    Participant
    October 28, 2018 at 7:14 pm #188060
    Reply To: Mixed signals? Is she interested or friendly?

    oh!

    richiro
    richiro
    Participant
    October 29, 2018 at 1:48 pm #188103
    Reply To: Mixed signals? Is she interested or friendly?

    In this case no i would say ‘no’ it has nothing to do with your un-interest or not initiating with her. You see – you have to (as i said in my original reply) read the PERSON first. What is their personality? what is their natural mode? In this case she is VERY friendly and initiates a lot. So that you don’t intiiate or show interest in her would not phse such a person with this type of personality.

    If she’s interested she will treat you “different” and go the extra step with you than she does normally (with others).
    If she’s interested she will ensure she’s engaging with you and ask you about you (in more extended ways then she converses with others).

    If you havne’t seen these from her towards you – she’s just a nice person beign professional and a friendly person.

    ps69uk
    ps69uk
    Participant
    November 1, 2018 at 2:21 pm #188492
    Reply To: Mixed signals? Is she interested or friendly?

    If you want honest advice I would say stay WELL away from a workplace relationship unless either one of you has some intention of leaving in the near future. I have experienced this myself first hand recently and although it was amazing when it was good, it totally screwed me over when we broke up. She left her job (unrelated) and although this made it slightly easier for us both, it is still painful 3 months on. You’re work will suffer and people will notice.