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joeskyParticipantMarch 13, 2017 at 4:16 am #129872
I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now. I love him and he says he loves me. The issue is that I’m unsure whether he is over his EX. He occasionally mentions how his relationship with his EX and and how he left him because he was unhappy and thought his EX cheated on him. He always says how I’m so amazing I am but a few days ago he said his EX texted him saying he wanted him back, he talked to me about it and said that he had told him that he was disgusting but also that he would always have love for him. He told me that he does not dream about him or think about him that he dreams about me and often tells me that he loves me. I however during that conversation told him if he love his EX but he did not say no… He said he didn’t want to be with him, so he pretty much didn’t answer my yes or no question. I honestly feel he is confused with what he feels because he says one thing about his EX but then changes his mind. I feel he is disappointed that things…
joeskyParticipantMarch 13, 2017 at 4:20 am #129873
… ended with his EX because they were together for 6 years and that he thought he would marry him and how he felt unconditional love for him. He said he was at a cafe when he read his EX’s text and that he felt very anxious about it, why would he feel anxious about a text from an EX if he is already “over” him? I wouldn’t want to continue more in this relationship if in fact he still loves his EX, what should I do?
Bklyn347ParticipantMarch 29, 2017 at 2:15 pm #131491
The guy your dating is definitely not over his ex. The past is rushing back to him . I know how it is to truly care about someone but if he still has feelings for someone else do you really want that ? Now the guy cares about you but at the same time can’t let go of his past which is tough so I would suggest you do what’s right for you. Tell him how you feel about him but also show him that you truly care! Him and his ex have history but if you truly care about the relationship fight for what you want! If he really loves you as much as you say he does he’ll give that guy up but don’t push him away try to put yourself in his footsteps. Very hard situation but if it gets to a point where he starts hurting you badly and pushing you away let him go. Until then though try to be there for him.
SharonJohnsonParticipantMarch 30, 2017 at 2:20 am #131551
Give your boyfriend sometime to clear his feelings about his ex as well as you. He has to decide which way to go and after choosing that way there is no coming back. So, tell your boyfriend to take time and decide what he is feeling about his ex. If he is still confused then it is good for you to leave him and move forward in your life, because if he is unsure about his feeling towards his ex, how will he can be clear about his feeling for you.
AnonymousDaterParticipantMarch 30, 2017 at 7:38 am #131555
Well, just because he mentions his Ex doesn’t mean he still has feelings. I am divorced and dating and while my ex comes up in conversation more often than I’d like, I have no feelings and no intention of ever going back, even if she said she wanted to.
That being said…the fact that he won’t answer your question yes or no should be reason to take caution.
DragonrollParticipantMarch 30, 2017 at 7:01 pm #131682
I agree with anonymous dater… I bring up positives and negatives about my ex and so does my boyfriend about his ex. I know that he knows how much I love him so I feel confident talking ex’s.
Also, he may still love his ex. Who cares? If he chooses not to go back, and not just because of you but because he honestly doesn’t wanna be with that person, then that’s all you should need. If you were to break up with him and he really didn’t wanna be with his ex… then all you’d have is 3 single miserable people. Let him choose who he wants to be with (and it sounds like he already did) and that way you and him can be happy and the only single miserable one is his ex and that’s not your problem. Also… residual feelings for an ex isn’t always a danger. One of my ex’s i’ll always love and admire from afar but with no pull or desire to be with him… like seeing a white tiger at the zoo. I wanna admire it… from afar!!!
Fight for your man, i’m sure he deserves it. Hell, YOU deserve it
Amanda S. GuerreroParticipantMarch 31, 2017 at 8:43 am #131693
Give him time and ask him to make his position clear. If he is honest about your relationship with him, he will make his position clear. In case of adverse situation, just mind it, time is the best healer.
JassonNgParticipantMay 22, 2017 at 11:44 am #137224
You need to make this situation more clear more possible . Dont let this situation stay too long
AnonymousInactiveMay 23, 2017 at 12:56 pm #137393
WOW, I can usually come up with good advice but not with these comments. Everybody nailed it.I will state a couple things, from what you said I would definitely say he is not over his ex. My wife divorced me I was not happy about It. I will not talk or mention her name but then that just me I don’t play games I hope it works out.
richiroParticipantMay 23, 2017 at 1:26 pm #137397
I think your relationship is okay on this one. i don’t believe your bf is going back or interested in getting back with his ex-.
It is true he may not be over his ex-, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to end up back with his ex-.
I’d be far more worried if he were hiding all this conversation he’s having with his ex- from you. And also, realize that its the ex- that is initiating this, not your bf. If it were the other way around, that would be problem red flags.
you’re fine on this one. be patient. let him get thru his feelings for the ex- and you should be fine.
MsMajestyParticipantMay 23, 2017 at 4:40 pm #137419
Its never a good idea to try and dig up someones feelings for their ex because you have to remember that yes he did love him and was happy at a point in time. Your best bet is to just continue having a great relationship and remember that some people take longer than a year to forget their ex so not bringing it up will help alot.
kai35ParticipantMay 31, 2017 at 9:55 am #137957
I think it’s possible to have feelings for more than one person. There’s nothing one can do to control that and it’s easy to be confused if you don’t realize it. So I don’t think he’s lying when he says he loves you. But he’s also likely not being forthcoming as far as his feelings about his ex, which are obviously still there. It may also be that he may feel somewhat jilted over how it ended. In such an event, one might obsess over the breakup without actually wanting to get back with the person. Part of the pain of being broken up with comes from a loss of control. You are left with all these emotions and there’s nothing you can do about it. While the other person moves on, you’re just sorta left there. Even after the romantic feelings are gone, there may be a nagging desire to reclaim control over the situation. Some of this is probably subconscious. You didn’t mention how long he and his ex have been broken up. If it’s been more than a couple years, I would suggest that he see…
kai35ParticipantMay 31, 2017 at 9:57 am #137958
…a therapist about it. That would be healthy not only for him to get over it, but for your relationship in general. Nobody can fully give themselves to someone else if they are still fixed on another person — regardless of whether they actually want to or would get back with them or not.
donniParticipantAugust 14, 2017 at 2:22 pm #145412
Regardless of how long you are with someone, a breakup is difficult. It may seem that there is some “unfinished business” or lack of closure. Usually time is the big thing. If you don’t have a reason to not believe what he tells you about your relationship then let time work and trust him.
- This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by donni.
sheamarieParticipantAugust 14, 2017 at 10:25 pm #145483
I was in a relationship for 7 years 17-23 and I will always have love for my ex because we grew up together and everything we’ve been through. After someone is in a relationship for that long even though they may be disgusted and fucking hate that person for everything they put them through they will always have love for them because they were apart of their life for so long. Your bf may just be bringing up their ex either to make you jealous to get more attention from you or just simple is just telling you their ex texted them to be telling you the truth. If he was still in love with his ex he would be seeing him and would completely be keeping him a secret from you wouldn’t be mentioning him at all just so you wouldn’t expect anything. So to answer your question with my experience I don’t believe he is in love with his ex he has love for his ex more of like a friend.
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