My boyfriend loves older women. And reminds me. A lot.

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My boyfriend loves older women. And reminds me. A lot.

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    August 8, 2019 at 9:39 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    dollyfae
    dollyfae
    Participant
    May 22, 2019 at 9:16 pm #200956
    My boyfriend loves older women. And reminds me. A lot.

    This situation is kinda complicated, I’m going to try and explain it best I can. It’s something that has caused me to be self conscious during our relationship and something I have stayed silent about to other until recently, and I want anonymous advice from people who do not know either of us I suppose. We are both in college, he is one year older than me and we have been dating for two years now, and we are insanely happy together. He has a thing for older women, totally fine, all people have certain preferences or maybe a strange sexual interest. I have no problem with this at all, we’re both adults and I trust him. This was an issue earlier in our relationship and it’s seeming to come up again, he’s started to openly talk about being sexually attracted to random women to me. We have a very chill relationship, if I see a girl I like I can make a comment like “Wow, wasn’t she gorgeous?” and he’ll agree and we’ll be on our way. This doesn’t feel the same to me. (Cont. in comments)

    dollyfae
    dollyfae
    Participant
    May 22, 2019 at 9:18 pm #200957

    (2) For example, today I texted him a photo of this older woman with her kids and said “I hope i look this good in 20 years” and responded with “oh she’s adorable! I’d fuck the shit out of her” and I just sort of…was taken aback at how casual it was? I tried to shrug it off but he kept going. After that I finally expressed my discomfort and he seemed a little embarrassed and offended, but ultimately agreed to not bring those things up. A while ago he was talking about how genuinely sad he was that he’ll never have the chance to sleep with an older woman. To me. His girlfriend. This weekend I met his old high school teacher who is good friends with his family, and he is best friends with her son. She is currently going through a divorce and he has expressed feeling intense sadness for her. The twist is, you guessed it, she’s been his fantasy since middle school and has been talking about how attracted he is to her more and more recently, me just laughing it off or changing the subject

    dollyfae
    dollyfae
    Participant
    May 23, 2019 at 8:34 am #200958

    (3) It’s actually… really scaring and hurting me at this point, and part of me feels like an idiot for it. Today he was driving home and talked to me about how he saw his ex’s super hot mom and talked to his friend about how he only dated her to be closer to her. Yesterday I was eating out with friends and he sent me a trailer of the new Stranger Things season and said “i wasn’t interested in this season until now” and I played it for the whole table. It was just a scene where a bunch of the characters married moms are drooling over a young life guard and acting seductive towards him. I felt like crying. Earlier that same day I was in the car, he was at a trip to a french restaurant for school and texted me how excited he was that the waitress has called him “young man”. I just pouted it off, and when he realized he’d messed up he texted “I love you the most! I also like being sultrily called a young man in French” after that I kinda ghosted because I felt like crying.

    dollyfae
    dollyfae
    Participant
    May 23, 2019 at 8:34 am #200959

    (Final) Earlier that same day I was in the car, he was at a trip to a french restaurant for school and texted me how excited he was that the waitress has called him “young man”. I just pouted it off, and when he realized he’d messed up he texted “I love you the most! I also like being sultrily called a young man in French” after that I kinda ghosted because I felt like crying.
    I respect his fantasy or desires, I have my own weird likes but I’d never go so far as he has in front of me. Am I being unreasonable? Is this a red flag? What do I do here? 🙁

    louise
    louise
    Participant
    May 23, 2019 at 9:10 am #200974

    I don’t know, but, I would not like it.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    May 23, 2019 at 10:11 pm #200984

    “..we have been dating for two years now, and we are insanely happy together.”
    “he’s started to openly talk about being sexually attracted to random women to me..”
    “he was talking about how genuinely sad he was that he’ll never have the chance to sleep with an older woman.”

    You’re kidding yourself if you believe a man (in love) talks about wanting to screw other women to his girl.
    That’s downright disrespectful.

    Odds are he’s going to cheat on you or try to get your permission to have a threesome or pursue his fantasy.
    Bottom line is YOU are not enough for him. If you’re unhappy move on. Suffering is optional.
    “Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary.” – Oscar Wilde

    Having said that most college age guys are NOT ready to settle down!
    In the U.S. the average age of a first time bride is 27 and for grooms it’s 29.
    Naturally a lot of people don’t get married until they are in their 30s or beyond.
    My point is very few people end up living happily ever after with their high school or college sweethearts!

    sk123
    sk123
    Participant
    May 28, 2019 at 8:24 am #201117

    So this situation is INSANE!!
    I honestly feel like you need to have a heart-to-heart with him, cause if he really loves you he would stop saying those things. He might want to start having threesomes with you, which by your explanation, doesn’t seem like something you would want to do. If you disagree he may cheat on you, so talk to him about it and see if he could try to push those thoughts aside