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I have broke up with my love of life 1 week ago. she was in pain by her mother abusing her, she was crying because of her mother’s abuse on her. it was very painful for me to see tears in her eyes. I abuse her mother in front of my GF. suddenly my GF changed the side and start abusing me for my abusing her mother. she said to me that it is our family matter. we fight a lot and after all, we broke up our relation and we both committed that we will never back again. her mother don’t likes me. and she can’t leave her mother.
Now from the last two days, she is messaging me again and telling me that she can’t leave without me. in two days she send 250 + messages to me. she wants me to back in her life, she is crying and asking for forgiveness. she is promising me that she will never abuse and not angry with me. am in so suffocating condition. What should I do now? please give me some advice. Thanks for your time.
jmarkeyParticipantJanuary 10, 2020 at 6:51 pm #227663
frank34, it’s best that you two part ways. If she knows that she’s being abusive, she should take the steps to getting help instead of asking for your forgiveness. You two need to break the cycle. Tell her that she is in a place where she needs to seek guidance and professional help and that you can’t return to her because of her past behavior.January 10, 2020 at 10:57 pm #227665
frank34, it’s best that you two part ways. If she knows that she’s being abusive, she should take the steps to getting help instead of asking for your forgiveness. You two need to break the cycle. Tell her that she is in a place where she needs to seek guidance and professional help and that you can’t return to her because of her past behavior.
thanks for your reply but I have tried many times to guide her but she is confused, she said I don’t want to lose my family and you also. her mother doesn’t like me and she wants to marry her daughter against her wish. I said many times to my GF that I can afford you and ready to marry you but she is still confused. she always said she want to have both sides.
billvmParticipantJanuary 14, 2020 at 2:00 am #227741
Clearly you care very much about her but you should not have “abuse her mother in front of my GF”. Never intercede during a family conflict when it’s not your family. As to does she love you still, you must consider that this is in a volatile familial climate she is in. Ask yourself whether it is love that she is expressing in wanting to return to you or simply that she want you as a conduit to escape from her present situation. Is it Love or is it Help!
Clearly you are a compassionate individual and that is a rare attribute in today’s culture.
But there comes a time to do what most people do all the time: think about yourself.
If you are in a financial situation wherein she can move in with you, do that. Over time you can help her find the necessary professional help she needs regarding herself and her family. There is much you can do yourself in this regard. Away from this toxic environment, if she loves you, you will know and act accordingly. Wish you well friend.
dashingscorpioParticipantJanuary 14, 2020 at 11:17 am #227771
Life is a (personal) journey!
It’s not your job to “save anyone”.
Each of us is responsible for our own happiness.
Just because someone is related to you does not give them a “free pass” to abuse you!
Sometimes you have to cut toxic people out of life no matter who they are.
We get to (choose) who we spend our time with.
Secondly YOU should never have “abused” her mother or anyone else!
The “no contact rule” is probably best. 250 messages?
If things were the other way around she’d accuse you of stalking her!
Block your (ex’s) telephone number/emails, unfriend her in social media, and ignore all other forms of contact she initiates.
Avoid going to places which she is likely to be. Offering friendship as a “consolation prize” just gives people false hope.
You are the last person who can help her get over you!
The best friendships between exes usually occur after a large gap in time whereby both people have found a new love.
brag251ParticipantJanuary 14, 2020 at 11:37 pm #227827
I had the same problem and it is best to just let things cool off and avoid contact.
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