My girlfriend is into BDSM/KINK, can't get the picture out of my mind. HELP.

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My girlfriend is into BDSM/KINK, can't get the picture out of my mind. HELP.

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    kingofattraction
    kingofattraction
    Participant
    January 26, 2019 at 10:31 am #193496
    My girlfriend is into BDSM/KINK, can't get the picture out of my mind. HELP.

    I recently have a girlfriend, and I have an amazing time with her.

    Unfortunately, she has a kink, that means she loves:
    – power plays
    – rapes
    – slapping

    Note in here: it is not the action that matters, it is more the violence, power that matters. She has done things which would make many people vomit. Payed services, or encounters on the internet, dungeons. All out of lust. I dont really judge her, as i can understand that for a woman this can give arrousal. It is just not my cup of tea.

    Now, our sex is great, even tho i have some anxieties. And yes, we are working on our ‘agreements’ so both people are happy.

    Now the main problem is: I have consistently pictures of the scenes in my mind, of guys raping her, treating her bad. I kind of cannot let go of it. I know I have to accept her sexuality. But this is just not yet easy.

    Maybe it is just jealousy, and people have the same ‘picture problem’.

    How do i deal with this? Any tips on this?

    GJ
    GJ
    Participant
    January 26, 2019 at 10:40 am #193497

    Yes I can provide you with helpful feed back. However I need a little information to provide this for you:
    1. What is your age?
    2. What is your relationship history?
    3. When you say “I have consistently pictures of the scenes in my mind, of guys raping her, treating her bad. I kind of cannot let go of it. I know I have to accept her sexuality. But this is just not yet easy:”
    a. How do you feel about these images of guys raping and treating her bad?
    b,.Why do you have to accept her sexuality?

    I look forward to reading your responses and betting back to you with feed back.

    kingofattraction
    kingofattraction
    Participant
    January 26, 2019 at 11:53 am #193503

    38
    I had 2 long relationships of like 5-6 years, then i was single for 10 years, dated hundreds of women.
    a) how i feel? i am worried for her (dont want her to be harmed), i am jealous as well, i am afraid to lose her, as she likes this too much.
    b) i dunno, if i accept her being like that, i dont feel that i have to be involved? Complicated.

    GJ
    GJ
    Participant
    January 26, 2019 at 12:18 pm #193505

    Thanks for you replies to my questions.
    If you are 38 and was single for ten years that means the 2 past longer term relationships ended when you were about 28. If I understand what you wrote you were around 16 through 20/21 for the first relationship and around 20/21-28 for the second. In regards to dating hundreds of women were you not interested in a longer term relationship? That’s a lot of women to experience. what happened?

    The question is why are you attracted to and holding onto a woman that does things that may make you vomit too?
    Are you in a committed relationship or just spending time together?
    What are you jealous about? Is she still participating with others sexually?
    Why are you trying to save her?
    I look forward to your answers and will continue to give you my feed back

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    January 28, 2019 at 4:04 am #193551

    “It is just not my cup of tea.”
    “How do i deal with this?”

    Why would you want to deal with it???

    Your girlfriend should not be an “acquired taste”.
    The goal is to find someone who (already is) the kind of person you want to be with.

    Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself.
    ” She has done things which would make many people vomit. Payed services, or encounters on the internet…”
    When you go through your mate selection process/ “must haves list” does (she) really make the cut as a mate for life?
    Can you imagine her being the mother of your children? Being a part of your inner circle of family and friends?

    Always be true to yourself. If the answer is (no) enjoy what you have as an adventure and move on.
    If you or your mate has to “change” to make a relationship “work” you’re probably with the (wrong) person.
    Life is too short to be trying to change water into wine.
    Most likely this relationship was never going to lead to happily ever after.

    kingofattraction
    kingofattraction
    Participant
    January 28, 2019 at 8:29 am #193540

    I dunno i could not find the correct match.
    Well, she does not do these things, she DID those things.
    We are in a commited relationship
    I am jealous i think because i am not sure i can provide her with her needs. No she is now exclusive.

    Yes a good advice will help me a lot.

    GJ
    GJ
    Participant
    January 29, 2019 at 10:47 pm #193737

    Thank you for your replies to my questions. I know it isn’t easy sometimes to dig deep inside and connect to our inner feelings and thoughts. However this is where the important material is hidden and is needed to help you move in the right direction for yourself. So here is round two:
    1. Since you could not find the correct match, if I had a magic wand, describe the woman of your dreams. What would be her characteristics physically, emotionally, personality, sexuality, education, career, etc?
    2. What needs are you concerned that you can not meet for your girl friend?
    3. What attracts you to your girl friend?
    4. what turns you off and or worries you about your girl friend?

    Hang in there. I know this is hard work but it will guide you towards the advice you are searching for.
    I look forward to your replies and we will continue from there.

    .

    kingofattraction
    kingofattraction
    Participant
    February 6, 2019 at 2:17 pm #194281

    1. I think it is rediculous to say that i did not find the correct match.
    2. Right now we made some agreements, which is working out perfectly.
    3. She is fun and interesting to talk to.
    4. That she cannot take care of herself that well.

    but please write me a pm, and lets have a skype call, as these questions are demotivating me.

    GJ
    GJ
    Participant
    February 6, 2019 at 2:54 pm #194284

    Hello Kingofattraction

    Okay. Now I’m starting to finally feel some of your feelings. Hang in there. I know this can be difficult.
    Listen to your words. Rediculous , Agreements, She Can’t Take Care Of Herself, Demotivating.
    This is how you characterize your relationship.

    Not finding the correct match wer7e actually your words from your January 28th post. If things really felt right for you in this relationship nothing anyone could say will make you feel less motivated. I am helping you get in touch with feelings and thoughts that have been too dangerous for you to connect to by yourself.

    Now at this time I can’t tell you if this woman is or isn’t right for you. However I can help you figure that out. If you would like to continue this in private give me your skype name and I will contact you.
    Best Wishes
    GJ

    GJ
    GJ
    Participant
    February 9, 2019 at 9:02 am #194536
    Reply To: My girlfriend is into BDSM/KINK, can't get the picture out of my mind. HELP.

    Now at this time I can’t tell you if this woman is or isn’t right for you. However I can help you figure that out. I do not believe that this forum has a pm option. If you would like to continue this in private give me your skype name and I will contact you or look at my name at the end of this post and contact me on skype using that name..
    Best Wishes
    garyjay60