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sera2775ParticipantNovember 20, 2019 at 9:27 pm #225489
I grew up in a household with a emotionally withdrawn and quiet father who wasn’t really prepared for parenthood, given his traumatic upbringing and lack of role models in his household. My mother compensated for this lack of fatherly guidance that I was looking for by providing the emotional support herself I needed as I grew up. She relied a lot on me to provide the emotional attention that she craved from my father – not consciously – and this stunted my developing my own identity until I was quite a bit older, certainly living away from home.
It has also, my opinion again, affected how I viewed relationships with women and sex. Women were I thought to be agreed with all the time and a source of maternal comfort, rather than viewed as potential partners who were sexual beings and interested in me. Over the years I’ve fled from encounters where a girl has expressed interest; and I wonder if I subconsciously view women not as sexual beings, bur as mother figures.
dashingscorpioParticipantNovember 22, 2019 at 6:12 pm #225682
You sound like you need to see a professional therapist to work through this.
It may take years to undo what was done during your “formative years”.
Having said that sexual arousal and gender attraction rarely has anything to do with our parents.
“Over the years (I’ve fled from encounters) where a girl has expressed interest;”
It’s possible you’re simply not sexually attracted to women!
sera2775ParticipantNovember 23, 2019 at 12:20 am #225691
thanks for taking the time to reply to my post. Coincidentally, I brought topic up with my psychiatrist just today, and we talked about a past relationship – the only long term one I’ve had.
I’m definitely attracted to women, guys parts flopping around do nothing for me (: women, imho, they smell nice, are soft and their curves do something, oh my lord.
My fleeing from encounters where a girl has expressed interest, I think, is more to do with anxiety and the fear of being outside my comfort zone.
Alcohol helps to dull that anxiety of approach and making a move; but you can come off as a fool.
the anxiety that holds me back from doing something makes me feel powerless about women. And sometimes angry or bitter or resentful that ‘hey, i’m a nice guy…why won’t someone be attracted to me and want to take things further’.
This is not rational as I’m evaluating a whole cohort, based on my frustration that I’m not taking action to change my situation.
dashingscorpioParticipantDecember 2, 2019 at 3:49 pm #225978
It’s human nature to want to start off being great at anything we attempt.
Unfortunately there is always a “learning tax”.
Rejection, betrayal, and heartache is part of the process.
Oftentimes guys in your position don’t have any close male friends mentoring who ARE dating women and getting laid.
In other instances they avoid doing many things women are attracted to such going out dancing in nightclubs/bars.
Some guys are not comfortable socializing period! Last but not least a lot of guys aim outside of their league!
It can’t hurt to have some “practice dates/romances” with women you don’t consider to be your “ideal mate”
Most guys first car they learn to drive on isn’t their “dream car”. They’re glad to have a set of wheels!
“And sometimes angry or bitter or resentful that ‘hey, i’m a nice guy…why won’t someone be attracted to me”
Sounds like the words of an “Incel”. Being a “nice guy” doesn’t entitle guy to have women throw themselves at him.
Personality, sense of humor, talent/skill, wealth, and notoriety help.
KballerParticipantDecember 6, 2019 at 6:57 am #226237
I suggest you buy and read the book by Corey Wayne-How To Be A 3% Man.. It will open your eyes up to how dating is done properly. There are also free videos by Coach Corey Wayne on Youtube that can help you get started. Everything I thought I knew about dating was WRONG.. Now, I’ve got my head screwed on straight and my approach has completely changed. I only started his program recently after going through (still suffering) a bad break up. I realize the mistakes I made in the relationship and if I had known what I know now, we would probably still be together. But, you live and learn. Coach Corey Wayne can help you learn how to be the approachable, open, sociable, guy that you need to be. Being a nice guy is the WRONG approach..
To steal Dashingscorpios line; Personality, sense of humor, talent/skill, wealth, and notoriety help. That’s a start.. But reading 3% man is the key. If you can’t MEET women, they will never get to know your personality, sense of humor, see your talent/skill
InTheTallGrass7769ParticipantDecember 12, 2019 at 2:16 pm #226525
I feel you may need therapy for this
herkamer63ParticipantDecember 18, 2019 at 2:26 pm #226720
I don’t want to be “that guy” and say you don’t need therapy, because some of it may help, but honestly, you have already taken the first step to rehabilitating yourself by moving away. I think the next step you need to do is simply go out with some of your friends (just guys) and even talk to them on how they (if any of them) were able to get into relationships. Tell them about the girl(s) you’re interested in, get some advice on how to approach them, then put it into practice.
If you need help in actually doing it, get one of your friends to be a wingman. A wingman can make you feel and gain more confidence. If none of your friends don’t help you out for whatever the reason, talk to an uncle, grandfather, a brother, any man that’s reliable.
You can do therapy and read certain books, if they both help, but nothing will ever beat hands on experience on your own. Set boundaries with these women that are interested. When you think you’re ready, broaden those boundaries. Good luck!
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