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What are you waiting for? One mouse click could be all that stands between you and your next romance!January 26, 2016 at 1:45 pm #92167
I have been dating this guy for almost 5 months and he is very attentive, we are in touch everyday. He lives 2:30 hours away, but we see each other almost every weekend, except when he has drills (he is in the military), or travels to see family. He is sweet, pays for everything, I have met his colleagues (family is from another state) likes PDA’s! etc. All is super, only thing that bothers me is that he likes to make solo plans. He would tell me he wants to go to a party with one of his girlfriends, or to some festival, he would end up staying with me anyway, but I don’t get why I can’t go. He says he just likes to have his space, or have activities were he can unwind. His bday is coming soon and he wants to travel with a guy friend to the Caribbean, or spend the day by himself hiking, or in nature, or something like that. Again, I am not included. I don’t get it. His behavior makes me wonder if he really wants a relationship, or a friend with benefits. Help!
RightURKenParticipantJanuary 26, 2016 at 10:38 pm #92235
Well I hate to be the bearer of bad news but it seems he doesn’t want a serious relationship.If he did he would definitely include you in something like a trip to the Caribbean. He strikes me as the “player” type who is using that time away from you to use the same skills he uses with you on other women. I know you don’t want to hear that but that’s the vibe I’m getting as a guy.January 27, 2016 at 9:19 am #92245
Thank you! Now he says he will travel for a week to California for hiking and be in nature, forests and parks. He leaves on Saturday. Funny thing is that he even says he wants to meet my dad, I am confused, and I am feeling a little silly. I thought I can give it time. Is it better just to talk to him? Or pull away?January 27, 2016 at 9:19 am #92246
I appreciate the honesty, I guess that deep down that is what I also feel and am not sure how to go about it. Cause, deep down I hope that it’s just that he is taking his time. Now his trip is a hiking trip, not to the Caribbean, to some parks and forests in the west coast. Not as bad as the Caribbean, but still, I am not waiting for him to tell me to go with him BUT it would have been nice for him to tell me this is my plan. When we are together he treats me like a girlfriend, he wants to meet my dad, but with this behavior he confuses me. Or well, this behavior says a lot.
not sure what to do. is it best just to like pull away or just to ask him?
Right now I just want him to go and since he wants to be alone, I will not bother to call.January 27, 2016 at 11:57 am #92282
Instead of asking strangers on a Chat site you need to go confront him, You will drive yourself crazy trying to figure out what us men are thinking. It’s so much easier on you and him if you just go ask him what his intentions are. Personally I think he really likes you. It sounds to me that y’alls relationship is in a relax mood that he thinks what he is doing is ok with you. I hate when girls think for me or think they know what I am thinking. Give me a woman who is upfront and honest and you’ll see moving mountains to keep on the good side of her. Being upfront and honest goes a long way!!!January 27, 2016 at 4:43 pm #92311
If I came off mean I didn’t mean to. You also have time and feeling invested in this relationship. It’s not fair to you to not know where this is going. Don’t make it a serious thing, just ask him. tell him your not making demands but you do have a right to know. You also have the right to know if you should move on. Good Luck…
AttritParticipantJanuary 28, 2016 at 9:15 am #92312
You are making a huge mistake here, NEVER ever under any circumstances date anyone in the military. It is like “dating” someone in prison,once they get out and their restrictions are removed they will forget all about you. Clearly, he is using you while he is in prison (I mean in the military) and doesn’t seek a relationship with you, regardless of whatever lies he will tell you.
LarossParticipantJanuary 28, 2016 at 10:47 am #92355
I’m sorry to say that I don’t think he’s serious. In some way, he is taking you for granted. I had a cousin who’s boyfriend was just like the guy you’ve just described and the relationship did not flourish.January 28, 2016 at 12:50 pm #92384
ddpurv, no worries! It did not come off mean, just honest. I do think I need to talk, I have mentioned a few things already. I want to have that conversation in person, and I do not think I will see him before he leaves. Also, I think the time apart will help me sort our what I want to say.
And well if he is taking me for granted like Laross says, I will know.
Only thing I get confused on, is that it has been only 4 months (5 next week) to him this is little time, makes me wonder if I need to wait to have the “where is this going” conversation now or need to give him/this time. what do guys think on this one ddpurv?January 28, 2016 at 1:11 pm #92388
I don’t see an issue for asking where your relationship is headed at 5 weeks. I wouldn’t get all serious about it though. Asking if he dating other people doesn’t seem like much especially if your wanting to know so you too can see other people. Let him know that is why your asking. I have never dated anyone in the army so I really can’t help you there. As long as you don’t come off desperate and needy things should be cool. Like I said, when i ask it would be clarify where “we” stand on dating other people while seeing each other. lol, if he likes you that idea won’t sit well. If he doesn’t want you to see other people then I would bring up his alone time and trips. Again, don’t seem needy, desperate or demanding. Tell him his action are giving different readings. Plus, 5 weeks is a good time to dump him and move on. It might sting a little but it’s better than getting crushed later on.January 28, 2016 at 1:46 pm #92391
ddpurv, We did have the not see other people chat already, and we are not. It’s been 5 months, not weeks. TO ME we are in a relationship, but that outing with that “girl friend” did make me wonder and the alone trips. I had also said I wanted to really get to know him and take it slow, SO this can also be part of the issue. The military parts influences a bit, in different ways. To be honest, this is the biggest issue we have faced. I already told him the trip on his bday makes me feel odd, to him is not a big deal, so he is not really sensitive to it. He did however make a big deal on being present for mine. He is used to being by himself too on this day, he has been deployed during his bday.
I don’t want to seem needy, or desperate. Like I said before, I get confused, cause like you mention I get different readings. I like him, and this makes me nervous, but I need to be honest.
THANK YOU, this stranger appreciated the input.January 29, 2016 at 8:49 am #92389
Here is an exercise I used to do to me daughter. Stand in front of a mirror list your accomplishments and goals. A lot of women sell themselves short. Ask if he fit into your plan and does he appreciate your accomplishments. Value yourself. Never change to fit his agenda.
I’d rather be alone for the rest of my life than be with someone who doesn’t appreciate you.
AnonymousJanuary 29, 2016 at 8:21 pm #92444
I agree with all the variation of responses! There DEFINITELY is not something kosher here. How he treats you when you are together is NOT lining up with how he views you when you are not together. An exclusive, fully invested man or woman includes each other on trips. Solo time is important of course, but there seems to be something missing the way you are describing this. But ddpurv is ABSOLUTELY spot on! STOP trying to figure this out and ask the guy. I know it is scary as you may hear things that you don’t want to hear. KNOW your value and protect that with all you have. Only hand your heart over to someone who sees and treats your value as a rare gift. Either way, it’s time to risk it and find out. You are obviously uncomfortable, but the sooner you find out if you are the same page the better. Have some confidence and trust in yourself that even if the conversation does not go the way you desire, you are strong enough to handle it and you can learn from the experience.
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