Need advice for a tricky situation


Need advice for a tricky situation

  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    November 17, 2018 at 12:59 pm #189605
    Need advice for a tricky situation

    So, I’ve been “work” friends with this girl for about 5 years now. We’ve never hung around together or spent time outside of work, until recently when we just going out as a group with other colleagues a few months ago for drinks – just friends, nothing else. I had honestly never given any thought of being attracted to her before, but we were sitting together and just talking for what seemed like several hours. She said that she had so much fun and really enjoyed talking to me and that she wants to do it again soon.

    Now, here’s the problem … I know she had a boyfriend for at least 2 years now. She told me the other night that she kicked him out of her house and she’s trying to figure out whether or not to break up with him. She thinks she deserves someone better but she seems hesitant.

    I really want to ask her out for dinner – just the two of us. But, I’m really scared to do so because I don’t know if she is still “officially” together with her boyfriend.

    So, any advice??

    November 17, 2018 at 3:09 pm #189606

    I forgot to mention that she went out of town with her “boyfriend” for her sister’s wedding over the weekend.  So, that could complicate things.  They are no longer living together and she mentioned that she wanted to move on, but now they took a road trip together, so I’m not sure what to think. 

    November 17, 2018 at 4:46 pm #189608

    1.. She is still with her boyfriend but she’s not “married”.
    2. If you want to take her out to dinner ask her out.
    3. Let her make the decision to say yes or no.

    At this point you’re just two unmarried co-workers hanging out.
    Until you hold hands, kiss, or hug it’s a platonic friendship.
    If she says yes avoid bringing up her boyfriend and try to get to know (her).

    Find out what her favorite things are in life and see if there is any real chemistry between you.
    Hopefully there will be some laughter, flirtatious banter, and possibly a little sexual innuendo.
    At the end of the date lean in for a good night kiss.
    Let (her) be the one to define if she is ready move on from her boyfriend or not.

    Also keep your options open. Don’t become emotionally invested yet.

    The problem most guys have these days is they want a “sure thing” before asking a girl out.
    Never fear rejection because it saves everyone time and in many cases money.
    In a world with over 7 Billion people rejection just means: Next!

    Best wishes!

    November 28, 2018 at 8:24 am #190016

    So, here’s the latest. I did end up asking her out for dinner last week and lunch a couple days later. We had a really great time together. Dinner was particularly nice and we ending up spending several hours together afterwards just hanging out, talking, and laughing. I have my doubts as to whether or not she looked at it as a date. At the end of the night, we just hugged for a few seconds.

    We both feel comfortable telling each other pretty much anything. I did end up telling her towards the end of the night that I really like her. She just said “I know.” For some reason, I wasn’t too disappointed because I know she is still going through some tough stuff with her ex-boyfriend or whatever he is.

    At the same time, I can’t seem to understand what she feels or thinks. Does she just want to hang out merely as friends or will it ever turn in to something more? I’m trying to be patient, but it is difficult because I really like her. So what should I do next?