Need advice on American dating.

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Need advice on American dating.

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    dreamGirlCA
    dreamGirlCA
    Participant
    March 9, 2019 at 12:11 pm #196289
    Need advice on American dating.

    I live in US but from Asian country & have never dated American guy b4. A guy has been talking to me online for past 3 weeks and since last week he says he is very serious about me, wants to date me & make me his forever. We just chat on phone and he wants to do video chat. I am not ready for video, so gave him an option of calling but he doesn’t.

    Anyways, since beginning I have made him clear that I am looking for serious long term relationship and he said even he is. Lately he asked me what am I looking in a husband and I said it would same as what I told you for bf. Also that I don’t want to have a diff guy as bf and a separate guy as my hubby. If there is compatibility with bf, then I would be looking for him as my life partner. He said – this is nice and awesome and I would make a guy lucky, it’s sad that your ex didn’t know about this. Also after this he showed disinterest in talking further and ghosted.

    Is talking about lifetime partner this early bad in American dating? Thnks

    dreamGirlCA
    dreamGirlCA
    Participant
    March 9, 2019 at 12:20 pm #196290

    Additional details – We met on a tech site & he said he was working in the company where I work now. Was chatting a lot initially for 1.5 weeks, but then wud chat one day & have limited conversation for next 2-3 days. Then last week he told me he is very serious about me & then limited conversation again for 2-3 days. I asked, he said he is busy. Same happened again this week, I asked & he gave me reasons saying he lost his uncle so he is stressed out & also he has got some feelings for me & so he talks less with me. He asked if I am fine dating a White guy(him) & I said yes, but there might be some cultural diff to which we both will have to be open to adjust.

    He was chatting fine for an hour after that… made some dating plans for us & then asked me the ‘what am I looking in a husband’ question & then was not interested.

    I was thinking if he is that serious & has true feelings, wouldn’t we be talking more.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    March 10, 2019 at 3:26 pm #196316

    “A guy has been talking to me online for past 3 weeks and since last week he says he is very serious about me, wants to date me & make me his forever.” Anyone talking about marriage after only 3 weeks of communication and have never met is full of crap!

    “Is talking about lifetime partner this early bad in American dating?” – YES!!!

    Beware of anyone who says they’re ready to get married and don’t already have a girlfriend/boyfriend.
    Essentially they’re only looking for a “prop’ in order to reach their relationship/marital goal.

    It’s the “special person” you are {already with} that should cause you to have thoughts about marriage.
    The purpose of dating/courtship is to get to know someone and see if you’re compatible.

    Getting to know someone requires Investing TIME being together.
    Every serious relationship began as a casual relationship and EVOLVED over time.
    If a company were looking to fill a position they’d interview multiple candidates.
    Candidates also email their resumes to multiple companies.
    Keep your options open!

    bullschamp180
    bullschamp180
    Participant
    March 11, 2019 at 2:44 am #196328

    Yes it is

    dreamGirlCA
    dreamGirlCA
    Participant
    March 11, 2019 at 8:42 am #196326

    Thanks dashingscorpio!

    Yeah he told me that he wants to make me his forever and then sent me a kiss over chat and also LOL text. It’s really confusing to understand someone’s true feeling over chat so when he asked me about qualities in my husband, I thought of clearing it out that I don’t want bf just for fun. If me and my bf are compatible then I would be looking forward for him as my life partner. I did mention about having compatibility and was not asking him to marry me.

    Not sure what happened after that, but he stopped texting. Later next day he sent me just one text asking how was my day, I responded and when I asked about his he doesn’t share. We used to have chatting session for 2 hrs at night and even that stopped.

    Continuing in next comment due to short of characters…

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    March 11, 2019 at 6:10 pm #196462

    In the U.S. you go on a few dates maybe several dates before determining IF you want to be in a relationship.
    Let go of the idea of fast forwarding through time to have a “boyfriend” or possible marriage without investing time.
    When it comes to love and relationships most of us (fail our way) to success.
    It is very rare for someone to hit a homerun their first, second, third, or fourth time up at bat.
    If this were not the case we would all be married to our high school sweethearts!

    In the U.S. almost everyone has a number of ex boyfriends/girlfriends prior to getting married.
    The average person here loses their virginity by age 17. The average age of a first time bride is 27 and 29 for grooms.
    Truth be told a lot of people don’t even think about seriously getting married until they are in their early 30s.
    So essentially on average you’re looking at people having 10-15+ years of dating/sexual experience prior to getting married.
    Beware of men professing love so soon!

    dreamGirlCA
    dreamGirlCA
    Participant
    March 11, 2019 at 7:41 pm #196465

    Thanks!

    I come from a culture which follows arrange marriages mostly. He started showing interest in me & after 5 days itself he said he likes a lot & wanted to talk everyday. He wanted my pics & phone number immediately as well, but I wasn’t comfortable sharing so soon & I did after 2 weeks. After looking at the pic, he immediately wanted to see me on video & said he would want to take me on a date someday. I clearly asked him is he is serious about it & we both have shared about our past relationships, so I didn’t wanted to connect to someone just for fun. Ever since then he kept on saying he is very serious about me. After that we chatted about 4 times & out of that 3 times he wanted to know count of my bf’s & wanted to see me on video. Every time I would say no for video & said I need more time & he would get upset. I told him there is no bf in arranged marriage system & he wasn’t ready to believe & wud keep doubting on my not having bf in the past.

    dreamGirlCA
    dreamGirlCA
    Participant
    March 11, 2019 at 7:50 pm #196466

    Continuing…

    He stopped asking me bf question after I got upset. Reduced chatting with me & just did once after that where he again asked for video. I repeated about needing time & he lost interest. He forced me for video about 4 times in 1.5 weeks. Then said he has feelings for me, hence he doesn’t talk much, made dating plans, then asked about qualities in husband. I just told him that I would like to marry bf if we are compatible & he just ghosted thereafter. Nowhere I mentioned that he would be my bf or I want to marry him. I had given him an option of talking over the phone & seemed like he didn’t want to.

    He just left one message after 2 days saying I can text him whenever I want to, I asked him how is he doing & didn’t get answer for that. I was feeling bad thinking that I might have hurt his feelings, but at the same time feel disrespected over him not clearing things out with me. Was thinking to call him once to end it nicely & so I feel good too, but now I won’t.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    March 12, 2019 at 12:22 pm #196550

    “He {forced me} for video about 4 times in 1.5 weeks”
    No one can make you do anything; especially if you’ve never met.
    Don’t blame anyone for choices YOU made.

    In the U.S. there is no arranged marriage system.
    You have to make a decision as to whether you want to hold onto your cultural traditions or embrace you new homeland.
    Either way beware of any man professing his love and desire for marriage you’ve never personally met.
    In the U.S. most couples date for at least a year if not more before becoming engaged.

    Data from the National Survey of Family Growth indicate that in 2002, 77% of Americans had sex by age 20, and of that percent, 75% had premarital sex. In comparison, of {women who turned 15 between 1964 and 1993, approximately 91% had premarital sex by age 30.}
    It’s now 2019 and if anything those numbers are rising. However you get to live Your Life on YOUR terms!

    Any guy who doesn’t share your values is NOT the right man for YOU.
    Move on and never apologize!