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i have had a casual rtshp with a guy for 9 months. casual meaning texted every few days/once a week, but saw each other only once or twice a month/every few weeks. a few months ago he brought up the idea of exclusivity and then we didn’t see each other for 2 months after that convo. granted i didn’t really say yes right away, so maybe his feelings were hurt, but i also pursued him and tried to meet up with him to talk about it more, or just to hang. we finally saw each other again 2 months later – dinner and sleepover. still casual. but sometimes he does things like send me song lyrics – i try not to read into it, but should i be? i try to hang out with him but he doesn’t always have time, so in that way it makes me think that when he’s feeling lonely he sends lyrics or sappy texts, but it doesn’t mean he actually wants to see me or be exclusive/pursue something more serious. i just felt like we weren’t in a relationship that was moving forward, so why would he bring up exclusivity?January 29, 2016 at 9:55 am #92423
was it just to have me be his on call girl when he got lonely? or could he have been feeling it but thought that maybe i wanted a casual thing the last few months as well since i didn’t say otherwise and then when i didn’t jump at the chance for exclusivity he kind of backed away? I’ve been trying to make plans and see him since then and sometimes he’ll hang and sometimes he’s busy. is he just pulling away or is he just not that into me and not prioritizing me?
i know the only way to know is to talk to him, and i will, but just want to hear your thoughts! isn’t it true that if he wanted to make me a priority he would, regardless of how busy he is? and that i shouldn’t read too much into him saying he wants exclusivity, or the texts he sends me, if he doesn’t make time to see me often? or could i have scared him off by not jumping at the chance of exclusivity?
RightURKenParticipantJanuary 29, 2016 at 4:58 pm #92438
He was the one who brought up being exclusive so he was serious about you at the time. But you not saying yes right away is the problem. He definitely would have taken that as meaning you didn’t want that and to keep it casual. So he’s keeping his distance because of that. At this point you’re the one who will have to clear and upfront if you want this be exclusive and see him more often.January 29, 2016 at 5:00 pm #92439
thanks! and you don’t think the exclusive came out of nowhere? given that it was a casual relationship where we only saw each other once every few weeks and it wasn’t progressing? he kind of brought it up out of the blue…which is why it took me by surprise.
AnonymousInactiveJanuary 29, 2016 at 7:49 pm #92443
My first response is noticing that he is sending mixed messages. He wants exclusivity, but then he “doesn’t have much time” for you. There could be a lot of reasons he is acting this way…passive aggressive, he is chicken to admit how he REALLY feels and maybe had a couragous moment and asked for exclusivity, he felt that way at the time then changed his mind, he met someone else, or maybe he doesn’t know what the heck he REALLY wants. None of that really matters as these are questions you need to be asking him. Women have a tendency to analyze and understand their guy and their actions/words and waste so much time trying to “interpret” when what the healthiest thing to do is ASK the guy! Get more info. and keep talking about the subject until you feel like you both are on the same page. And by the way….what do YOU want??? Do you want to be exclusive with him now? Sounds like you are not quite clear on what you want with him, so make sure you know that before you talk to himJanuary 30, 2016 at 11:34 am #92467
thanks, all! yes, i just need to talk to him. i do want exclusivity. It just seems like exclusivity came out of left field sincce we were only hook up buddies. it seems to me like he just wants someone on the hook at his convenience, and the words were an easy way to try to get that..
yoga2424ParticipantFebruary 1, 2016 at 9:05 am #92466
He may not know what he is looking for from you. Just give it time
IdontevenknowParticipantFebruary 2, 2016 at 6:48 am #92607
To me, it kind of sounds like he wants to be exclusive, built up the courage to ask you and since you didn’t jump at it he got insecure / scared, resulting in him hanging back a bit. Like some others here said, it might be good to just talk to him and mention you want exclusivity but when he asked it, it just kind of felt like it came out of nowhere. If at that point he doesn’t jump at it, well then it might be time to move on.
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