Need some advice from a woman's perspective…

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Need some advice from a woman's perspective…

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    mbrod12
    mbrod12
    Participant
    February 16, 2019 at 4:30 pm #195058
    Reply To: Need some advice from a woman's perspective…

    @GJ, thank you for the feedback. This may be a few posts to fit all the details. First, to answer your questions:
    1. I’m 36

    2. I’ve only been in one actual relationship in my life, which led to engagement, then marriage, then divorce haha.

    3. I guess it’s just hard to find girls that have all their stuff together and just seem very genuine, and she seems to have all of that.

    4. Her son I believe is 4, and it doesn’t bother me at all. When I was younger, I would generally try to avoid dating girls that had kids (unless it was just an absolute perfect match), but now it doesn’t bother me (She is 32 FYI). I’ve found the older you get, the harder it is to meet someone without kids. As mentioned earlier too, it seems like the dad is a good guy, good father and not some deadbeat or something, so thats positive.

    5. See next thread.

    mbrod12
    mbrod12
    Participant
    February 16, 2019 at 4:35 pm #195059
    Reply To: Need some advice from a woman's perspective…

    5. I think she’s definitely going through a lot. I’m not sure where everything is at at the moment, but she’s dealing with a lot for sure. I know her ex moved out of the house and I think they are just sharing custody based on their work schedules (it sounds like he works an erratic schedule). Technically, I think they are still going through the divorce process, so I’m not sure where it’s all at…

    So at this point, I haven’t seen her since January 4, when we went out to dinner. Granted, there were probably at least 7-8 attempts to try and get together since then, but it just didn’t work out and I know she felt bad about having to cancel plans. Unfortunately, she hasn’t really been communicative at all in the last few weeks. I texted her I think Tuesday night, granted about nothing overly important, but have yet to hear back…

    mbrod12
    mbrod12
    Participant
    February 16, 2019 at 4:38 pm #195060
    Reply To: Need some advice from a woman's perspective…

    So communication has been gradually dying, but again she is going through a lot and I truly don’t feel as if I’m being blown off. I asked her last Sunday if she wanted to meet up for dinner (last night), but she had plans…So I think at this point what I’m going to do is send her what I’m calling a “concession text” tomorrow night. Basically just going to acknowledge that things have been crazy for her and that I definitely understand and want to support in any way I can. Also will tell her I think she’s a great person and that it’s been fun hanging out with her and getting to know her and hopefully we can reconnect down the road when her life isn’t that hectic….I think this is probably my best play for now. Rather than just randomly texting her trying to hang out, this way I’ll just kind of throw it all out there and then just back off for a while and hopefully she’ll come back around when her life settles down a bit.

    mbrod12
    mbrod12
    Participant
    February 16, 2019 at 4:42 pm #195061
    Reply To: Need some advice from a woman's perspective…

    So this way it will hopefully show her that I’m genuine and also kind of puts the ball in her court for if/when she’s ready to hang out. She did say she’s not sure she’s ready to date anyone, and I believe her, so I’d be very surprised if she was seeing another guy. I just think she has so much going on and is trying to work through all that before dating, which I totally understand and appreciate. Of course, there’s no guarantees we will end up together, but I do feel we definitely have a connection and I feel she just wants to make sure she’s in the right place before dating, which is smart on her part instead of just jumping right in to something…So again I’m going to text her tomorrow night with my feelings- thoughts?

    Appreciate the feedback!

    MrNiceGuy19
    MrNiceGuy19
    Participant
    February 16, 2019 at 10:00 pm #195062

    Seems worth pursuing.

    Joxer
    Joxer
    Participant
    February 19, 2019 at 2:25 pm #195189

    I think that you need to pull back and give this woman space> I would not contact her again, until she contacts you first. Just my opinion

    mbrod12
    mbrod12
    Participant
    February 20, 2019 at 7:14 am #195219

    @MrNiceGuy19, @Joxer- thanks for the feedback and I agree with you both.

    I did send what I call a “concession text” to her on Sunday evening, basically just saying that I hope she had a good weekend and that I know she has a lot going on but that I completely understand. I also said I think she’s a great person and I’ve had a lot of fun hanging out with her and getting to know her and that I hope that we can reconnect at some point down the road when things aren’t as hectic. Also told her to not hesitate to reach out for support because she’s going through some similar stuff that I went through from, at its worst, Sep 2017-March 2018. She seemed to respond pretty favorably and I feel more encouraged than I have with the situation in about a month or so. She got back to me pretty promptly (I texted her at 6p Sunday and she got back to me Monday morning at 9a), which may seem trivial but I think it’s important a) that she responded and b) it was so prompt (to be continued…)

    mbrod12
    mbrod12
    Participant
    February 20, 2019 at 7:23 am #195220

    She said thank you so much for understanding and also said she hopes I’m doing well and that she’ll talk to me soon. It’s the “talk to you soon” that has me encouraged. I think if she had just said “thanks for understanding, hope you’re well” it would have been a bit discouraging, but the “talk to you soon” has lifted my spirits a bit, as I mentioned she hasn’t been all that communicative in the last 3-4 weeks, but again she has a lot going on. I also think this alleviates maybe some pressure she felt about the situation. Maybe it kind of stressed her out that I kept asking to hang out and she wasn’t able to. So this way it maybe makes her feel more relaxed about everything and allows her to deal with her stuff on her own terms and then talk/hang out when she is ready. I do definitely think, even though we haven’t hung out in 1.5 months and haven’t communicated a ton over the past few weeks, that the interest level is still there on her end…

    mbrod12
    mbrod12
    Participant
    February 20, 2019 at 7:25 am #195221

    Because I certainly could have been “ghosted” by now if there was no interest. So in a perfect world, we’d be hanging out but I have to respect the fact that she’s just not ready yet so I think this is the best scenario under the circumstances. She is definitely worth pursuing. So I did not respond to her text Monday morning and won’t plan to text her unless she texts me first, no sending snap chats, etc. This will take a lot of patience on my end, but I do think if I play my cards right and am patient, it could eventually work into something great in time…Thank you for the feedback and suggestions!

    patgomez
    patgomez
    Participant
    February 25, 2019 at 5:34 pm #195553

    cool

    beckyd83
    beckyd83
    Participant
    February 26, 2019 at 9:23 am #195586

    She isn’t looking for anything serious. She just ‘wants to have fun’ leave it be. Don’t push her for anything and of course, guard your heart.

    mbrod12
    mbrod12
    Participant
    March 13, 2019 at 3:52 pm #196670

    Thanks for the feedback @beckyd83! I don’t necessarily know if she’s not looking for anything serious, or if it’s more just the timing isn’t right with everything going on, coupled with the fact that she hasn’t been single in I think 12 years. But who knows. At this point, it’s been close to a month since we’ve communicated. I may send her a text or snapchat on Sunday for St. Patrick’s Day (we both really enjoy beer, haha) just to see how things are going and maybe go from there depending what kind of vibe I get.

    mbrod12
    mbrod12
    Participant
    April 25, 2019 at 12:01 pm #199176

    Well, unfortunately it appears I’ve been “ghosted”. All details above in past posts. I did end up sending her a text right around St. Patrick’s Day with a picture of a beer and asked how she was doing (I made sure to pose a question, and not just say “hope things are well”, so as to in theory have a better chance of a response). She did not respond to that. So another month or so went by with no communication. I did send her a text this past Sunday, just wishing her a happy Easter and that I hope things are well. No response (at least as of yet, but that was 4 days ago now). I’m kind of upset and just confused why she just outright has stopped talking to me. I know she has a lot going on but I just don’t understand why I’m getting no response.

    mbrod12
    mbrod12
    Participant
    April 25, 2019 at 12:05 pm #199177

    As noted in prior posts, it got off to a hot start (early January) but then she just had a ton of things going on. It seemed pretty promising the last time she texted me (which was about 2 months ago) basically thanking me for understanding what she’s going through and that she’ll “talk to me soon”. So at this point I’m kind of pissed that I’m not getting ANY response. Again, i’m sympathetic and understanding of what she’s going thru (divorce, house, custody of son, busy career, etc) but I just don’t understand why she just is now not even having the decency to respond to me. Unfortunately at this point, I think I’ve exhausted all options and most likely won’t contact her again since we haven’t communicated in 2 months and the last 2 texts I sent to her, I got nothing in response. Just want to vent haha. I appreciate all the feedback, wondering if anyone has any opinions on this and maybe a woman can try to explain maybe why this is happening, as I’m just confused at this point.Thanks!

    mbrod12
    mbrod12
    Participant
    April 25, 2019 at 12:08 pm #199178

    Also, I’m not naive enough to think there’s the possibility she is seeing someone else, however, her and I seemed to click very well and she did tell me at one point she’s “not sure if she’s ready to date anyone” and that she appeared to be pretty honest in saying that. Of course anything is possible, but I’d find it hard to believe that her and I clicked so well and had a lot in common that she would back off and then date someone else, as that would be against what she told me…

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