Needing Space: Is this normal or should I be worried?

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Needing Space: Is this normal or should I be worried?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    October 10, 2019 at 1:36 am FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    HotMess_2142
    HotMess_2142
    Participant
    January 20, 2019 at 5:44 am #193046
    Needing Space: Is this normal or should I be worried?

    So I met this woman on a Christian Dating app. There is a 13-hour time difference between us. We’ve admitted that we both like each other, at least physically. Although, she has a history of depression, anxiety, and insomnia. Add that she recently got dumped from a 2-year relationship and she has been a wreck. Regardless, my naive self decided to support her. What an emotional rollercoaster for me.. Not knowing how to deal with people in a depressed state I made poor decisions in how I talked to her. I’ve made her upset on two occasions that have resulted in 1-week periods of radio silence. She wouldn’t talk to me no matter what I said. I had to get ahold of her through IG instead of WhatsApp just to talk to her again. Twice now. This last time she said she needed space but that it wasn’t my fault. I’ll admit, I sounded like a needy wimp when I was trying to get her to talk to me again so I have my doubts.

    Given her depression, am I overthinking this or is she done with me now?

    HotMess_2142
    HotMess_2142
    Participant
    January 20, 2019 at 2:06 pm #193050

    Well for starters, I’m 24 years old and have never been in a relationship before. I was up front with that. Because of that, I believe I got attached too early. That being said, I don’t know why I’m so attached. This is the furthest I’ve gone in a potential relationship? I don’t want to abandon her, but help her get better? I liked the feeling of being needed, perhaps?

    I like to envision the future and I’ve put this image in my head of her that probably won’t ever come true, but I haven’t accepted that fully yet. The logical person in me is telling me to move on and cut my losses. But at the same time, I offered my friendship, if nothing else, to someone who I believe needed help and I would feel hypocritical to pull my hand back now; especially if she deteriorates again and needs someone to talk to.

    HotMess_2142
    HotMess_2142
    Participant
    January 22, 2019 at 8:51 am #193051

    She had called me one night super drunk and crying. Turns out she found her ex on Tinder and he was D2F with other women already. She kept asking me what was wrong with her and if I thought she was pretty. She had downed an entire bottle of rum by herself and had to stop talking because she was in such physical pain (I can only guess from the alcohol). However, she was still planning on drinking her second bottle of rum that she bought. I had to fight tooth and nail to get her to stop. That was super stressful. Everything was fine before that. I couldn’t deal with the stress so I started to “lash” out at her. I made her feel bad that she gave her virginity to this loser. She stopped talking to me for a week after that. I thought I may have driven her over the edge again so I profusely apologized. She said she was fine. Then soon after, we talked again and I upset her again. Another week. Apology #2. And now she needs a break. That’s where we’re at right now.

    HotMess_2142
    HotMess_2142
    Participant
    January 22, 2019 at 8:51 am #193083

    Positives: Physically Attractive, Wants kids & is experienced with kids (pre k teacher), Pro Life.

    Negatives: Depression, Anxiety, Insomnia, Likely to engage in destructive behavior, Mentally Immature (Poor Judgement), Impulsive, Seems disinterested in wanting to improve (she’s taken my advice with gratitude but has done nothing with it as far as I can tell from her social media).

    She’s obviously a mess and I don’t think she will change. I haven’t blocked her but I have muted her on social media. She can still contact me if she needs to but outside of that, I’m moving on. I’m glad that she needed a break because I needed one too. I’ve been able to separate myself from this a little bit and see the forest for the trees. I wish her the best and hope she improves but I can’t watch if she decides to spiral down further.

    If she doesn’t talk to me again, I’ll try and check in a month from now. But outside of her pulling a 180 in that time, I’ll be cutting ties completely.