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Ghost12345ParticipantFebruary 4, 2020 at 3:06 pm #228954
So I’m 31 and I’ve never been in a long term relationship. I’ve been in plenty of situationships and short term and casuals relationships but it is nigh on impossible to find myself in anything more permanent.
I’ve been thinking and pondering this a lot more recently now that I’m getting older. To tell you the truth ,it’s making me miserable. Yes,I know I shouldn’t ‘need’ a relationship but come on…isn’t it my time yet?
I’ve identified a bit of a pattern : the men I’m interested in/dating will ‘Chang’e or start flaking anywhere between the 2 week-2 month period and I’m not sure what the cause is. I’ve tried everything , from dating outside my usual type , learning every red flag i can think of etc etc but the result is the same. Most of these men go straight on to have long happy relationships with someone else.
I’m not overly clingy or anything… But as this pattern has been so consistent ,I’m no forming a belief that there is something inherently wrong with me.
Ghost12345ParticipantFebruary 4, 2020 at 3:11 pm #228956
I can’t help but stress and worry that something in my personality is repellant in some way? The common denominator is me after all…and let’s face it: if someone really wants to be with you, they won’t just flake or disappear.
My personality is sort of reserved but certainly not shy . I do think I have low self esteem but I carry myself off as someone who has healthy levels of confidence.. I would love to know where I’m going wrong. I don’t rush into these things or put pressure on the other party in anyway , I certainly don’t frantically text or message them . I think I’m pretty normal but obviously something is wrong?
dashingscorpioParticipantFebruary 5, 2020 at 10:45 am #229026
“I can’t help but stress and worry that something in my personality is repellant…”
“I do think I have low self esteem but I carry myself off as someone who has healthy levels of confidence..”
First of all dating supposed to be a FUN social activity especially in the beginning.
Anyone who is stressing or lacks confidence is bound to reveal it within a couple of weeks/months.
You need to adopt more of a “buyer mentality” and less of seller mentality when it comes to dating.
It’s the seller who is always trying to lure or impress the buyer.
Since you posted this under Online Dating I assume you’re meeting most of these guys online.
One of the biggest mistakes people make is becoming emotionally invested because they date ONE person at a time.
They behave as if they’re in an “exclusive relationship” the minute they meet someone they like.
If you were job hunting you wouldn’t stop sending out your resume just because you had a great interview with one company!
Keep you options open by dating multiple people until there has been a discussion about being exclusive.
Remember anyone who has an active dating profile is likely dating others!
dashingscorpioParticipantFebruary 5, 2020 at 10:59 am #229035
Each of us chooses our own friends, lovers, and spouse.
Each of us has our own mate selection/screening process and must haves list.
Each of us has our boundaries and “deal breakers”.
If you’re having one bad dating experience after another it’s time to reexamine your mate selection process.
As you noted the only thing all of your failed relationships have in common is YOU.
If you want something different YOU have to do something different.
You may want to take a “time out” from dating for a while and hang out with family and friends.
Maybe read a couple of books on dating such as My Cat Won’t Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany)
or Online Dating Avoid The Catfish! How to Date Online Successfully
You can also speak with true platonic male friends and have them tell you what they believe your issue is.
Consider joining a couple of hobby/interest groups on Meetup dot com group to meet people who have similar interests.
There ae also singles networking groups as well. Online dating can be very competitive with millions of profiles.
Lastly 31 isn’t the end of the world!
A lot of guys look at their 20s and early 30s as a time to have fun.
Settling down isn’t a priority for them.
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