Not good enough to date?

DATING ADVICE FORUM

Not good enough to date?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    twinkystar
    twinkystar
    Participant
    December 17, 2018 at 2:15 pm #191192
    Not good enough to date?

    I really need to talk about this because this has been something that I’ve been worrying about for the past week. I’m 21 years old and am on my 4th year of college. I’m on winter break and I’ve started worrying about dating now that I don’t have to deal with school for a month. I’ve been using dating apps since I turned 18 but I haven’t gone on a single date or been in a relationship. I feel like what’s holding me back are my autism and anxiety. My autism makes me socially awkward and weird, and I’ve had people directly tell me and heard people talking about me saying that I’m weird. Being told that really hurts because all I want is to blend in with everyone else and be good at making connections. My anxiety makes me scared of rejection and feel like I’m too ugly and not good enough to be in a relationship. Sometimes I get so lonely I end up crying myself to sleep. I’ve had enough of being single and lonely but I don’t think there’s anyone out there who would put up with me.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    December 19, 2018 at 10:37 pm #191445

    “I haven’t gone on a single date or been in a relationship.”
    “I feel like what’s holding me back are my autism and anxiety.”
    “My anxiety makes me scared of rejection and feel like I’m too ugly and not good enough to be in a relationship.”

    If you have been using dating apps and have never gone out on a single date you can’t blame it on autism and anxiety.
    No one looking at your photo would see those traits. Generally speaking men are visual creatures especially in their 20s.
    They are going to try to pursue women they consider to be “hot” or have a sexy body and so on.
    Most guys in their 20s are not looking to “settle down” or get married. They mainly just want to have fun.
    Any “serious relationships” they have are the result of a “casual relationship” that evolved into something “serious”.

    As for being “ugly” beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
    Go to any public place, mall, park, movie theatre, beach or church and you’ll see people you find unattractive with a mate.

    alex10167
    alex10167
    Participant
    December 19, 2018 at 10:46 pm #191446

    Look I know this sounds corny but just talk to people this will make you more comfortable with people in general the same way you practice a sport to get better at it. Also keep in mind that you can’t expect to someone to come knocking at your door to fall in love with you, so go out with friends or look for events to go to and get to know people, especially since you are in college. One thing you can do is go out and walk and when you pass people give a little nod, this will let them know you acknowledge your presence and most of the time they will nod back. The worst thing that can happen is they ignore you, but by doing this you will start to feel more confident in a social environment which is where you find almost all your dates.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    December 19, 2018 at 10:52 pm #191447

    Having self esteem, avoiding negative self-talk, and learning to enjoy all areas of life is the key.
    Anyone who is happy with their career, friendships, family, hobbies, traveling and so on attracts others.
    Avoid being all consuming with regard to dating and relationships.
    Do your best to look your best and allow inner beauty and humor to shine.

    Your 20s are a time for exploration.
    Oftentimes what keeps people from enjoying life is they have a “set way” on how they want life to be.
    Some guys won’t date overweight women and some women won’t date men who are shorter than them.
    Almost every woman has a male friend who is nice and has a crush on her which she has put in her “friend zone”.
    Everyone has their own mate selection process and “must haves list”.

    Consider joining a niche dating site which is geared towards autism.
    Some people strike gold dating outside of their race, older people, or a different nationality.
    In a world with over 7 Billion people rejection just means: Next!

    KC3736
    KC3736
    Participant
    December 27, 2018 at 8:37 pm #191722

    I can relate to this so much. I am about to turn 21 and also struggle with anxiety and have major self-esteem issues, which affects my dating life (non-existent). I think before dating, it is best to find a good support system (friends, family) and fulfilling hobbies/activities to help fill the void and loneliness you are feeling.
    Although romantic relationships are important, there is more to life than that and you have time. I think it’s best to focus on you right now. If you haven’t already, I suggest looking into therapy to help with your negative self- image. I did for the first time last year and it honestly helped me sooo much. You can get through this!

    incanada
    incanada
    Participant
    January 7, 2019 at 8:16 am #191985

    This may not mean anything for you, but I’m a guy who really likes girls who are unique and interesting. I see your autism and anxiety as part of what would make you a real person in the world. Hang in there. I’m not the only dude on earth who appreciates these quirks. Embrace them, be strong with them, that’s attractive like crazy.

    GreatLove44
    GreatLove44
    Participant
    January 8, 2019 at 2:59 pm #192153

    It seems to me that you need to work on your self-esteem. Number one don’t listen to people’s opinion of you. The only one that counts its what you think of yourself. You go into this world alone and come out alone. Be comfortable with your own company. So why don’t you be your best friend for a while? Focus on graduating and getting a career. Men will come when they see you shinning and living your best life. Trust me, men are more attracted to a confident successful woman than one that self doubts. They can sense that! You want to attract what you put out. So have confidence in yourself and be patient. I’m 29 and have been single since 2013. I’ve used dating apps gone on a ton of dates but no relationship. I’m just as frustrated if not more than you. So enjoy your youth and the anxiety will die down over time. Get that piece of paper girl! Good luck!

    devdo
    devdo
    Participant
    January 9, 2019 at 11:58 pm #192282

    You are too young for a relationship. Don’t call yourself single; it implies that something is missing. Call yourself unattached. Being unattached is one of the most amazing and beautiful times in ones life. You are free of all the drama that comes with relationships. Plus, most women are after your money and want to convince you to pay their bills. Embrace your freedom and enjoy yourself.
    Once you become happy with yourself, you may find the very idea of a relationship, repulsive.