Now doubting our relationship

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Now doubting our relationship

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    January 1, 2020 at 5:01 am FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    Lcjams
    Lcjams
    Participant
    December 20, 2019 at 3:43 am #226836
    Now doubting our relationship

    Me and my boyfriend have been together for 14 months amd everything was so perfect. Recently i find out he has been bad mouthing me and telling his friends private details of our relationship and arguments. We argued last week so badly he chucked all my stuff in bin liners and tried to throw me out telling me enough was enough. This really hurt me and i even though we have since made up and he has promised not to do it again i cant shake the belitting, degrading feeling that it made me feel. I cant get the incident out of my head.

    To make it worse i told him i didnt want anyone to know and he has then text his friend all about it. I asked him if he had spoken to her about it and he said no but i saw the texts as evidence. He has flat out lied to my face and i gave him enough chances to own up to this. Only problem is i found this out by snooping on hos phone so now i am in the wrong too!
    Any advice on what i should do or say to him? Thanks

    herkamer63
    herkamer63
    Participant
    December 20, 2019 at 6:28 am #226840

    Sounds like you two are living together. My take (as a guy myself):

    -First off, GF AND BF LIVING TOGETHER IS ALWAYS A BAD IDEA! It’s even a bad idea to live together if they were engaged. Stuff like you described comes out, and even though you’re living together, stuff like this pops up and can be held against you. Then, of course, you do it. Privacy is compromised for both of you. Same goes with finances.

    -Second, you should have broke up with him when he was giving away secrets to his friends because now THEY know it.

    -Third, he keeps lying to you. Another reason to break up with him.

    Final thoughts: move out of the place you two are living in and break up. Next guy you start a relationship with, DON’T MOVE IN WITH HIM! That was your NUMBER 1 problem with this current guy. Only time you do is when you two get married. Make sure the next guy can keep the more personal stuff secrets. That’s what caused him to lie (not saying it was right of him to do so). Find a better guy.

    blueeyes67
    blueeyes67
    Participant
    December 20, 2019 at 8:50 am #226853

    First, I’m sorry you’re going through these difficult times in your relationship. I would be hurt too if I found out my BF was talking negatively about me to his friends. That is a red flag. Another red flag is that you don’t trust him, hence why you stopped through his phone. Btw, that is also a red flag made by you. Invasion of his privacy. I think you should really focus on the underlying issue which seems to be lack of trust by both of you. It would be difficult to go forward until you both are honest with each other and address the real problem. Good luck!

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    December 23, 2019 at 11:17 am #226953

    “Me and my boyfriend have been together for 14 months and everything was so perfect.”
    “Recently i find out he has been bad mouthing me and telling his friends private details of our relationship and arguments.”
    “He has flat out lied to my face and i gave him enough chances to own up to this.”
    “Only problem is i found this out by snooping on his phone so now i am in the wrong too!”

    {Apparently everything was NOT perfect.}

    If you truly LOVED YOURSELF and someone bad mouthed you, threw your stuff in a bin, and tried to throw you out…etc.
    Odds are you would NOT choose to spend another minute with such as person!
    Forget about the snooping issue. It’s normal for people to snoop when they Don’t Trust their mate!

    There’s no point in confronting this guy unless you need some sort of EGO star for busting him.
    The reality is you know this guy lies to you, mistreats you, and he’s supposed to be the love of your life?
    Surly you can do better. Move on!
    Suffering is optional.

    Caroline24122
    Caroline24122
    Participant
    January 17, 2020 at 5:22 pm #228059

    I think you should tell him that you know that he is lying.