Open relationship, help!

DATING ADVICE FORUM

Open relationship, help!

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    BlunderBuss
    BlunderBuss
    Participant
    May 4, 2019 at 3:59 pm #199863
    Open relationship, help!

    My girlfriend and I are in an open relationship. This is a very new thing. We’ve been together for 2 years but only open for about a week. And I’m already having problems with it. Mostly, I hate the new guy she’s dating. He was talking to her too much before we opened up, and now it feels like he’s just getting what he always wanted, and doesn’t respect our relationship. I get the feeling that he’s into the idea of having sex with someone else’s girl a little too much. It just makes me very uncomfortable. Do I have the right to ask her not to date him? It feels hypocritical, because I’ve already hooked up with someone, but the problem isn’t that I don’t want her to hook up, it’s that I really hate and don’t trust this specific guy. But we’re also so early into this, my gf might just assume I’m getting cold feet about it. Is there a way that I can talk to her about this?

    Don Hoolio
    Don Hoolio
    Participant
    May 4, 2019 at 4:52 pm #199864

    The problem with open relationships is that in our society it very much goes against the values we were brought up with. When someone believes something is right early on it can really mess with their heads later on in life when something against those values happens. There have been countless societies where open relationships were the norm, and to be honest she was going to do this anyways.

    Since you aren’t going for a traditional relationship I think its time that you work on your own game and find yourself some more women. The idea behind an open relationship is very altruistic in that because we only live once and its great to let people do what they really want to without lying or controlling them. On your path, you might feel inadequate and that you need self growth before you can do what she is doing.

    If you want to get back into dating but you aren’t confident looking a site called virtual dating help.

    • This reply was modified 6 months, 1 week ago by Don Hoolio Don Hoolio.
    BlunderBuss
    BlunderBuss
    Participant
    May 4, 2019 at 5:46 pm #199866

    That’s not really my problem, though. While I don’t know if I have great game, the issue is more that my gf, who has agreed that our relationship will remain the most important, is dating someone I don’t like, and who I don’t think respects me. Some of these feelings might be from my own inner insecurity, but I don’t think that totally invalidates those feelings. It’s her body, but I also don’t want people I don’t like having sex with her. If he was cool, it’d be fine. But he’s not.

    Don Hoolio
    Don Hoolio
    Participant
    May 5, 2019 at 12:45 am #199873

    So you’re mad because the guy banging your girlfriend doesn’t respect you? Does that sound correct?

    BlunderBuss
    BlunderBuss
    Participant
    May 5, 2019 at 1:12 am #199874

    I mean, basically. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that this is an open relationship, which means I’m not inherently enemies with people who bang my gf. Just like how she wasn’t mad when I told her about how I slept with someone else. But this guy doesn’t seem like a good guy. I don’t think he respects our relationship, and I think he might want to steal her away. And it frustrates me that my gf either can’t see that or doesn’t care.

    yeet345
    yeet345
    Participant
    May 5, 2019 at 2:35 pm #199891

    I think the most important thing in any relationship is communication. If anything is concerning you about the new guy your girlfriend’s dating, talk to her and lay things out. If she reacts well, that’s amazing, but you shouldn’t continue in a relationship if she acts hostile about it or refuses to look further into both her relationships.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    May 5, 2019 at 6:44 pm #199903

    “We’ve been together for 2 years but {only open for about a week}.”
    ” I’ve already hooked up with someone,”
    “I also don’t want people I don’t like having sex with her.”

    Your problem is not with this guy. It’s with your “girlfriend!”
    This guy doesn’t have to impress you or meet YOUR standards!
    An “open relationship” means SHE gets to decide who she spreads her legs for or gets on her knees for.
    As you noted it’s (her body) and if she wanted to have threesomes or gang bangs it’s (her) choice.

    You never stated which one of you (initiated) the conversation which facilitated your current “open” status.
    Generally speaking the person who began the conversation already had someone in mind they wanted to have sex with.

    Very few people are truly fine with having the person they love and call {their own} to be having sex with others.
    Using the words “my girlfriend” implies she isn’t “available” to date or have sex with other men.
    If you’re still “emotionally invested” being (open) isn’t for you!