Out of the frying pan of a narcissist and into my fire of neurosis..

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Out of the frying pan of a narcissist and into my fire of neurosis..

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    Withoutweapon
    Withoutweapon
    Participant
    March 12, 2018 at 5:04 am #167191
    Out of the frying pan of a narcissist and into my fire of neurosis..

    I am 43, divorced since 2013, dating for first time in 22 years. I was married for 17 years and had never dated for longer than 3 months before I met my ex.

    My marriage was riddled with highs and lows. I came out of it with little left of myself that hadn’t been tattered or tarnished. That being said, I wouldn’t change a single minute of it, because even though I may be damaged goods, I have been blessed with the two most overwhelmingly precious children I could’ve ever had the fortune to receive.

    KNOW THIS ABOUT ME: I either instigated, allowed, or took part in everything that occurred in my marriage and I blame no one except myself for my circumstances.

    My concern, simply put, is this: how do I go about retraining my thought processes when dealing with a partner? The anxiety, the skepticism, the self doubt…THE TRIGGERS! And how do I successfully walk the tight rope between listening to my gut and acting on my neurosis?

    Thank you for your words of assistance in advance!

    Ivywave
    Ivywave
    Participant
    March 13, 2018 at 9:45 am #167268

    Actually the triggers can’t be controlled or surpressed. u need to let them come and then heal them.
    Take it slow when u dealing with a new partner. Take slow breath and imagine u r sweet and in perfect situation to talk to a partner….
    but same time get a chance to heal the trigger.
    the best is to find a partner who can work together with u.

    Withoutweapon
    Withoutweapon
    Participant
    March 13, 2018 at 4:42 pm #167342

    Thank you for the input. The worst thing about the triggers is not the fact that they occur, it’s the fact that afterward my mind has to cycle through so much baggage. It makes you lose sight of what’s directly in front of you and I take offense at that for the singular fact that it renders me distracted and disabled for those I care about the most. It took me a long while to pressure my mind back into play, to not just be despondent, to be willing to learn to cope properly. I still have days where I just want to hide, where every little thing is too much to endure. Then I get pissed off! Determined! Full of life!

    I dear I spend so much time keeping myself in check that I am failing to say some of the things that I should.

    People need to know that awareness comes in stages, just like everything else: recognition, avoidance, evaluation, confrontation, correction…