Overcoming my lackluster past?


Overcoming my lackluster past?

  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    February 18, 2013 at 2:02 am #22860
    Overcoming my lackluster past?

    Confidence has eluded me all my life. Especially with women. It took me 25 years to go on my first date, and now at 27, I am still struggling to get date number 5 penciled in.

    I have a lot of things I SHOULD be confident about. I lived in a foreign country on my own for half a year. I excelled in college. I will soon be an architect in a competitive market. I am in decent physical shape. I know where I want to go in this world, and I know what I need to do to get there. Still, doubt is a big part of my life.

    Something about me must be attractive to some women though. I’ve been on 30 or so first dates since I started dating (all via online). Women smile and say hi when I pass them in the streets. Cute baristas flirt with me when I buy coffee. A week ago a single mom told me she “wanted to get to know me better” while force feeding me shots. Haha, yet, confidence, especially with women, eludes me.

    My biggest problem, I think, is the fact that at 27 years old I’ve still never been in a relationship. I worry a lot about this, and I believe my insecurities combined with my lack of experience scares most women away. I wouldn’t have had 30 first dates if it didn’t:) And me doing 50 more pushups or reading about some abstract theory will not help me with something I see as a failure of past character. So what will help? How do I jump start this self-serving loop of confidence with women? Would I be better served to learn the art of just not carrying?

    Thanks for your advice! Honesty is always the best medicine:)

    February 18, 2013 at 2:50 pm #22902

    Have you witnessed some other kind of “bad” relationship in your immediate family or with friends? Sometimes seeing how badly people suffer through bad relationships can be a turn off. Maybe try and let go of that notion (if that’s the case) and accept the fact that you will fall and get up no matter how the relationship goes. just be comfortable (not just confident) but COMFORTABLE with the life you have, regardless of your experience, remember how well you’ve done and don’t let any insecurities put you in an inferior bubble.

    Women like confident but they also like some commitment, so try and offer a second date ever once in a while and get to know them.