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boondigga123ParticipantFebruary 17, 2013 at 8:41 pm #22858
Hey everyone, my names Dylan, 20 yr. old straight male and would certainly consider myself an extremely hopeless romantic.
In my short life I’ve had one real relationship that really brought out the worst in me. I destroyed the relationship through my own insecurities. Anxiety is what tears me up inside, so bad that I’m unable to keep it tucked away and this ends up destroying relationships I have with others and even my ability to create new ones.
I’m sure others are experiencing the same thing but it is just so unbelievably hard to shake these horrible, irrational habits. My mind moves a mile a minute and heads most always in a very bad direction.
Just a week ago I began dating this girl I met through a mutual friend, and to be frank I’m head over heels for this girl. She does everything right and makes me so unbelievably happy. But this fondness growing each day for her is also causing my anxiety to grow just as much. So far I’ve been very diligent on hiding my insecurities from her but regardless it eats me up inside.
This anxiety all stems from one very simple fear, abandonment. Once I’ve commited emotinally to a female thats all that runs through my head. It’s like a disease elaving me almost crippled when I’m alone without her. The short text messages, the kindness she shows to my best friend, her being around other males without me there, her not responding to my texts fast enough to make me feel better. Every little thing snowballs in my though untill that very small incident like her not texting me back whiile shes out with friends turns in to she didnt respond because shes connecting with another guy and soon will fall for him and leave me. I mean it sounds obnoxious but thats how my mind works and its horrible. I refuse to bring this up to her because the last thing I want is to scare her away or put doubt in her mind. But this post is more so to help myself break these awful mental habits. It has gotten to the point where I can’t focus on anything but worrying about her!!!! It needs to stop or I will never be happy. Anyone experience something like this and was able to overcome it in anyway?
slobeachboyParticipantMarch 10, 2013 at 5:07 am #25386
Well it sounds like you already know this but that kind of behavior will eventually drive any woman away. It becomes a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy – the tighter you hang on to what you love the faster it slips through your fingers. I lived with a girlfriend for over a year in my youth who was probably even worse than you. She was insanely jealous even though I never gave her any reason to be. If I was 5 minutes late getting home from work she would start calling all my friends to see where I was, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Anyway once I finally liberated myself from that hell I swore I would NEVER go down that path again. Now if a girl even acts a little insecure or jealous I drop her like a bad habit. Life is too short to live like that. Anyway at least you are aware that you have a problem and you want to do something about it. Unfortunately the only way to do that is to uncover and examine all the childhood incidents that are ultimately responsible for you insecurities and you inability to control these feelings and actions that you know are not rational. I can’t really go into how to do that here though. The good thing is you are still young and some people tend to get a little more in control of these things as they get older even if they never end up getting to the root of the problem.
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