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healthyandhappyParticipantApril 29, 2019 at 9:14 pm #199468
I’m struggling with the same, but I’ll offer my thoughts on how I’m trying to approach it.
1) Spend time considering and give a nice, reasonably expensive gift. Perhaps she expresses a real interest in something? Avoids you being perceived as cheap.
2) Discuss what you’d like to see as a future model for sharing expenses if you were married. Do you both contribute the same? The same % as you earn? What makes sense or is reasonable and respectful in your mind? Focus on the future. For how long will you both work and contribute (maybe you’re not the same age or close to retirement status?)? Will your contributions be more because you’re older until you retire and she contribute afterwards 100% until she retires? Try to suss out what is “fair” in her mind and see if you can find something you can be HAPPY with.
3) With the future agreed, why not have that today? Dating is an exploration of what life might be like if married, so why not try to do some of those things today?
ElegantBrieParticipantApril 30, 2019 at 11:38 pm #199599
Let her know your opinion on the matter and see if she would be willing to contribute to bills occasionally. I dated someone before and I paid for everything all the time, including gas for him to come pick me up. It’s not good for you or for them in any way.
SilverEagle907ParticipantMay 20, 2019 at 7:32 pm #200790
She is a Model T and the world has moved past starting a car with a crank. There are going to be a herd of women who are still going to want their feminism to be suntan lotion in the summer and a parka in the winter. In today’s world there is a lot of energy driving the demonization of male sensuality. It is a “depersonalization” of men. I see that there are and there will be people who are saying that a man should pay first. Maybe. However, if that becomes a habit across three dates then in her mind her company is her investment. That means that in two years when she still hasn’t told you how much she really wants you, how much she needs you, and still hasn’t really dug into your psyche to find out who YOU really are emotionally, remember at that moment as you are standing in front of the ice box that she never invested into the partnership in the first place.
JohnDPParticipantAugust 3, 2019 at 6:38 pm #204791
When she suggests anything that will cost you money make excuses. She wants to go out to eat tell her you prefer to eat at home. When she wants to go on vacation tell her that every place we could go looks just like some place I’ve already been. Get it?
KevinMcCabeParticipantAugust 12, 2019 at 5:06 pm #205291
When a woman goes out alone, she has money.
When a woman goes out with her lady friends, she has money.
When a woman goes out with a lady friend who significantly earns more than her, she has money.
I don’t know when suddenly a D involved she becomes poor.
KevinMcCabeParticipantAugust 13, 2019 at 8:35 am #205292
I forgot to mention what happened to that lovely “strong and independent” woman motto?
jfes1688ParticipantAugust 16, 2019 at 11:13 pm #205593
You both have expectations based on the past. I would say it’s in your best interests to have an open and honest dialogue about this, because assumptions can lead to disappointment, which can lead to resentments.
aliaspennameParticipantAugust 17, 2019 at 11:04 pm #205601
Definitely broach the subject. Perhaps approach it from a budget standpoint. You’d like to treat, but that you have limited resources. You could stretch the “outings” by going Dutch or taking turns. Or you can fill in the gaps with affordable options. It’ll give her an opportunity to offer to jump in or be totally ok with just spending time without cost.
If she balks st any of that, she’s definitely not someone you want to stick around.
FemaleFriends123ParticipantAugust 18, 2019 at 1:02 pm #205617
I think you just need to be real with her and tell her what you feel, especially when you are contemplating to keep her. As a woman, it feels good when men spend for us, but I am also a woman who takes pride in my independence so I’d rather pay for my meal than have a man pay for it. If my guy does end up paying for the meal, I pay for something else – like coffee or do a bit of grocery. It’s give and take.
nyassParticipantAugust 18, 2019 at 8:33 pm #205621
Have a conversation with her and tell her what you can afford to pay for her and what you can’t. Speak it out!
JoellaParticipantAugust 19, 2019 at 12:08 pm #205637
I think paying for dates and paying for vacations are 2 separate things.
Talk about it before you get mad and blow up, and it comes out all wrong.
LGParticipantSeptember 3, 2019 at 2:59 pm #206494
It is nice to get treated but a woman can’t always expect a man to pay. If the woman’s income doesn’t match the man’s, then there are a lot of things to do and places to go that don’t cost a lot or even nothing at all. The important thing is being together and having fun.
nillie93ParticipantSeptember 5, 2019 at 2:49 am #206538
I always pay at the start, after a few months this becomes more even
selfishpartnerParticipantSeptember 6, 2019 at 11:01 am #206606
At a certain point it should be a shared expense.
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