Please help, part 1


Please help, part 1

  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    August 4, 2018 at 11:54 am #180805
    Please help, part 1

    Here’s my story and I could use a little (make that a lot) of advice.

    The woman I was recently dating broke up with me a couple of weeks ago.
    The back story:
    We met online (wish there were a better story here).
    From day 1, the conversation flowed freely and there was never any awkwardness, or feelings of “pulling teeth” to keep it flowing.
    After 2 weeks of increasing, feeling charged texting and phone calls, we finally met in person.
    All I can say is……! She is beautiful!
    We sat and talked for 4 hours that night. I went to her house for dinner the next night, as we couldn’t wait to see each other again.
    From the get go, she had told me that she had some reservations and hesitations of entering into a serious, long term relationship, as she had only been single again, for about 2-3 mos. The reason she had gone online, was she was beginning to feel cynical about men and that perhaps the type of man/relationship she had sought her entire adult life, didn’t really exist.

    August 4, 2018 at 11:56 am #180806

    Part 2
    Anyway, we fell fast, furious and head over heels for each other. We shared a like passion for love and the intensity and passion between us was absolutely amazing. She told me, I gave her everything she had been looking for. Honesty, vulnerability, sharing of feelings and thoughts, romance and the passion for her, from me was exactly what she was looking for.
    We fit together easy. There was never an awkward moment. Even the first time we were intimate together, there was none of the fumblings and nervousness. It was like we had been together for years.
    Fast forward a few months. Her feelings of doubt, hesitation and reservations had begun to take hold of her. We got together almost 3 weeks ago now, and talked about it. Not that it was what I wanted, but we came to the agreement that for now, we needed to call it off. She said she wasn’t ready for a relationship and it wasn’t fair to me, as she knew I was so much more ready.

    August 4, 2018 at 6:56 pm #180814

    “She said she wasn’t ready for a relationship and it wasn’t fair to me, as she knew I was so much more ready.”
    There is no amount of “work” or “communication” that can overcome being with someone who does NOT want what you want.

    In order for (her) to be “the one” she would have had to see (you) as being “the one”.
    At the very least a “soulmate” is someone who actually wants to be with you!

    “Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary.” – Oscar Wilde

    In a world with over 7 Billion people rejection just means: NEXT!
    Every ending is a new beginning.

    August 6, 2018 at 8:58 am #180807

    Part 3
    We’ve stayed in touch and I can tell by her messages and the couple of times we’ve talked on the phone, that she still has feelings for me.

    I feel this woman is so worth waiting for and taking the time to let her sort out her feelings. She has expressed to me, that some of her feelings of no trust, may stem from her work with refugees and the trauma they have gone through and experiencing that vicariously through them. She is a social worker, by the way.

    Am I crazy for wanting to wait?
    Can any women out there relate to this and help me to understand a bit better?

    I am a man who has a “need” and “desire” for solutions and answers.
    We are both in our mid 40’s