Pursue or let go…


Pursue or let go…

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    March 29, 2019 at 3:01 pm #197928
    Pursue or let go…

    Ok, So I have been on 8 dates the last 2 months with an amazing woman that is pretty much everything I ever dreamed of.
    She was totally into me during the first 3 – 4 dates and then I started noticing the first signs of hesitation/withdrawal.
    We had a talk about this, and I told her I was not yet feeling my best, happy, confident self due to a divorce last year (of which I already told her before).
    We continued dating and eventually started kissing, cuddling, making plans to do things on the longer term.
    And now all of a sudden she blows me off, tells me she’s not feeling the way she would like to feel and that she thinks this is because I’m not fully recovered. She also admitted she was dating a 2nd guy and proposed to have a break with me for 1 – 2 months. She tells me I’m such a great guy and that she really would have liked to feel it the way she would like it. And if it doesnt work out with this 2nd guy we could maybe try to make it work in a few weeks.

    March 29, 2019 at 3:09 pm #197929

    Part 2:
    So I totally get that… I am aware I had not been behaving in a very attractive way.. quite unconfident, needy and a bit clingy.
    So I decided to focus on myself now and take the next few weeks to get my act together and improve myself, my life and my lifestyle. I’m almost 100% sure this would have been a match made in heaven when I would have felt better from the start.
    However, she also acted in a disrespectful way and that really bothers me. I dont want to be a second choice. And I think I would not have been when I had been feeling confident and happy enough at the start.
    So now I don’t know…
    a) Call it quits
    b) See if she really contacts me again in a few weeks and show her the new and improved me
    c) Contact her myself in a few weeks if she doesn’t do it, and show her I’m improved.
    d) Someting else entirely? 🙂

    Thanks for any advice, insights, guidance, …

    March 29, 2019 at 9:13 pm #197934

    Eight dates over two months is an average of one date per week.
    Admitting to someone you are not fully over your divorce is not likely to cause someone to be “all in”.
    Even if you had not made those statements both of you should have kept your options open by dating others.
    Going out on 8 dates does make for a “committed/exclusive relationship”.

    Having said that I would NOT “wait by the phone” or “sit on the bench” waiting to see if I will be called in to play. (Move ON)
    Take some time heal over your divorce fully and then start going out with (multiple) women until you find a special one.
    It’s a mistake to become emotionally invested too quickly with someone you barely know.

    In order for (her) to be “the one” she would have to see (you) as being “the one”.
    At the very least a “soulmate” is someone who actually wants to be with you! (And vice versa)

    “Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary.” – Oscar Wilde

    Best wishes!

    April 1, 2019 at 8:21 am #197945

    Thank you for your answer Scorpio!
    Yes, you are correct, I had become too emotionally invested in her way too soon.
    She honestly said she felt pressured from that.
    I started dating as soon as I got over my ex… as in: I no longer missed HER.
    But after being in a close relationship for several years, it is hard being on your own and trying to fill the big black hole of time and lack of affection.
    That was the part I was still struggeling with and made me cling on to this new woman way too soon I think.

    She honestly told me she was feeling a strong physical attraction to me, that she trusted me and that we had a great connection and almost identical interests, life visions, lifestyle.
    So I can only guess it’s the gut-wrenching feeling of attraction that a strong, confident and happy man can bring about is what she was missing.
    I put her on a pedestal (emotionally speaking) way too soon, and I am aware of that 🙁

    Do you believe in 2nd chances in this case? 🙂