Recent "Breakup" Issues

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Recent "Breakup" Issues

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    December 12, 2018 at 11:17 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    supdude
    supdude
    Participant
    September 7, 2018 at 3:49 pm #183714
    Recent "Breakup" Issues

    I’ll try to keep this concise as possible.

    Gf and I were dating about close to 11 months. She’s had some minor issues with my drinking in the past, but for the most part our relationship has been really great. Loving, fun, deep connection, great sex, very copacetic living situation. About the only problem I’ve had with her up to this point is how often she sees her family, but that’s become much more manageable. Not even close to a deal breaker.

    Anyway, we got in a huge fight about a month ago. Long story short, a friend of ours canceled his birthday party and basically ruined both of our days. He does this a lot, very flaky. I was venting to her about it and not only did she take his side, but she accused my anger on me having had a couple drinks. That made me more mad and she claims I was “nasty” to her. I don’t feel I was, but it’s her feelings, so I have to go with how I made her feel.

    Continues below….

    supdude
    supdude
    Participant
    September 7, 2018 at 3:54 pm #183717

    She proceeds to ignore me for the rest of the night. This includes our 2 hour bus ride home where she basically humiliated me in front of a bus full of people every time I tried to make light of things and just have a normal conversation. After we got home she still ignored me, so I went in the office and started BS’ing around on the computer. I sent an e-mail to an old flame which started a thread that lasted off and on for maybe a week. In one of the e-mails I told the girl I loved her (HUGE mistake, I know), and of course, my girlfriend finds out about it. I didn’t hide it from her, I manned up when she brought it up.

    She lost trust in me and proceeded to interrogate me about it and other girls multiple times a week until finally I started to reach a breaking point and started losing my temper with her. She broke up with me last Wednesday or Thursday night bringing up my drinking and anger and the trust issues.

    Question is below….

    dizzy
    dizzy
    Participant
    September 9, 2018 at 11:21 pm #183821

    If it takes you only a few hours of arguing with someone who you normally have a great relationship with for you to turn to an old flame (and subsequently tell them you love them) then you’re not ready for a girlfriend. You seem rather flippant about your girlfriend’s feelings in a very serious, betraying situation.

    In the future, if someone wants to be mad, let them be mad for a while. Then try to talk to them later. Don’t go looking for a different girl to give you attention or blame everything on your girlfriend before you’ve talked calmly.

    I would also suggest you seriously think about your drinking habits. Once your alcohol consumption starts having a negative affect on other people, it’s time to review it and make a change.

    I wish you all the best in the future. I think you should leave your girlfriend alone, have a think about yourself, your life, and your actions, and start a new relationship after you’ve had some time to improve your behaviour.

    supdude
    supdude
    Participant
    September 10, 2018 at 8:16 am #183720

    We live together and still have sex almost every night. She still insists we’re broken up, but she doesn’t want me sleeping with anyone else, and of course I don’t want her to either. We both want to fix things, but she has serious doubts. We’ve been making good progress the last few days, but she still brings up the negative quite often. I’ve been laying off the booze and keeping my cool, and she now really knows that I’m committed and love her deeply (she questioned that before).

    Problem is, she still has the strong doubts. This all conveniently falls around the time she’s signing a deal for a property she’s buying from a guy who has openly been hitting on her. On my end, I got contacted by this great girl I met a few years ago who broke up with her BF who wants to meet up.

    I know me sleeping with the other girl will really hurt my (ex) GF, but if she’s so doubtful and we’re broken up…. I don’t know if this will ruin things or make her realize she could lose me. Thoughts?

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    September 14, 2018 at 9:32 am #184259

    First of all your friend had every right to do whatever he wanted on HIS birthday.
    How that became an issue between you and your girlfriend is an example of immaturity.
    Couples fighting over things that have nothing to do with them is a sign of tension in the relationship.

    What are the benefits of being broken up for (her)?
    If she has “serious doubts” about you being able to work things out why continue to have sex with you and demand monogamy?
    This is a very controlling manipulative strategy for her to keep her options open until she meets a guy she wants to be with.
    In the mean time you’re putting your life in “limbo’ with the hope of reconciling while she insists it’s over.

    If you both were serious about fixing things you’d be going to couples therapy.
    She wouldn’t be moving out and you would not be flirting with ex girlfriends.
    On some level you know it’s over. She doesn’t see (you) as being the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with.
    Find a girl who does.