Reconnecting with a guy from 11 years back

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Reconnecting with a guy from 11 years back

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    demi
    demi
    Participant
    December 10, 2019 at 3:02 am #226351
    Reconnecting with a guy from 11 years back

    In my early 20s, I dated a guy casually for a couple of months back in 2008, we broke things off as he was looking for a casual, no strings attached friendship/ relationship while I wanted someone exclusive and serious. I havent heard from him again and to nurse my bruised ego, I moved on completely. He has an unique, introverted character that is endearing and engimatic.

    Fast forward to 2019, I visited a place and it sort of trigged my thoughts about him. A decade has passed and I have never thought about him at all until recently. I plucked my courage and texted him at his mobile (surprisingly he didn’t change his number) I have a habit of reaching out to old friends – male and female alike.

    Surprisingly, he recognised and remembered me from my pics and sounded pleased and friendly to hear from me. He shared that he is still single and hasn’t dated for the last 5 years. We exchanged texts continuously for a couple of days, he sent me his current pics and asked how he looks now, after 3 days of texting, I decided to ask him out for dinner on the day itself. He rejected my invitation immediately, stating that he has plans for the day and we could arrange it again. At this point, I told him that I am married and my “reconnection” to him doesn’t constitute any intention/desire to “woo” him and I don’t have any romantic designs on him. The dinner invitation was just to chitchat in person, he asked about my husband, and I told him that he’s out of town. He assured me not to worry and he doesn’t see it that way at all. We also sort of explored the idea of exercising together but he was hesitant about it shortly after stating that he has a exercise regimen in place already.

    After he declined my “dinner” invitation, I pulled away and didn’t text him at all. I blocked him then unblocked him and he texted me a week later and asked me how I was doing, we resumed our conversation intermittently for the next few days, with him updating me about his exercise regimen. This continued until one day, I inititated a text about his exercise regimen and he asked me where’s my husband and whether he will be angry with us communicating. I told him my hubby is ok and has even met my single male colleagues. I then added generally that I am not on good terms with my husband but simply leave it as that.

    I asked if he minds that I continue to text him, and if he minds, I will cease all contact. He said he doesn’t mind and when I asked if his gf/date minds, he said he doesn’t have a gf for now and then I apologise to him if my texts has disturbed him, but he replied that hat it’s ok, i can share everything with him.

    It’s been a week and I haven’t heard from him again. What could possibly be on his mind? It was just casual texting, I didnt confess or force anything on him. I also didn’t try to ask what happened to his love life as i feel its too private and intrusive. I didn’t also try to ask him out again.

    • This topic was modified 1 month, 1 week ago by demi demi.
    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    December 10, 2019 at 2:00 pm #226387

    Casual acquaintances means different things to different people.
    Some people in particular might consider connecting with someone 3-4 times {a year} to be causal.
    While others might view being in touch once or twice a week as being casual.

    Here are three possibilities

    1. The vast majority of straight men have no desire to be in the “friend zone” with women they find attractive.
    Generally speaking if they feel it’s not an opportunity to get laid they don’t want to invest a lot of time.

    2. He has no romantic interest in you and senses you want date or hookup with him.

    a) “after 3 days of texting, I decided to ask him out for dinner on the day itself. He rejected my invitation immediately..”
    b) “explored the idea of exercising together but he was hesitant..”
    c)

    Last but not least he may be turned off by the fact you are married and contacting him behind your husband’s back.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    December 10, 2019 at 2:19 pm #226388

    Are you really just “reconnecting” with an old “friend” or hoping to explore something more?

    “After he declined my “dinner” invitation, I pulled away and didn’t text him at all. I blocked him then unblocked him”

    You need to figure out WHY you did that. (People usually don’t block “platonic friends” over such small things.)
    Some women/men have no interest in being anyone’s “side piece”.