Restoring the Credibility of Intergenerational Courtships

DATING ADVICE FORUM

Restoring the Credibility of Intergenerational Courtships

    Author
    Comments
  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    October 10, 2019 at 7:04 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

    Hey DatingAdvice.com forum readers! Just a quick heads up that a few dating sites are offering a FREE trial to DatingAdvice forum readers. Try it now and meet local singles in just a few minutes! Here are the sites:

    Site Who You'll Meet Today's Deal
    Match.com Casual dating for ages 18-65 Get FREE access
    EliteSingles Educated professionals 25 and older Get FREE access
    Adult Friend Finder Hookups, casual encounters Get FREE access

    What are you waiting for? One mouse click could be all that stands between you and your next romance!

    Intergenerational
    Intergenerational
    Participant
    September 16, 2019 at 11:19 am #207064
    Restoring the Credibility of Intergenerational Courtships

    Many of you are not familiar with this topic, especially you younger folks, but dating with large differences in age has been a common and legitimate thing throughout much of human history until quite recently. It wasn’t viewed as taboo like it is now. I have found considerable success in dating girls younger than I am, but most people still see it as freakish and have terrible prejudices against this type of arrangement. Generally in my mind such age differences range between 20 and 30 years whereas most relationships today are in the +/- 10 year differences (i.e. the same generation). How can we promote intergenerational courtships as a meaningful option for those who are looking for lasting love that one day will lead to marriage and family and who are better suited for this type of arrangement? How can we get past the age bias and harassment that currently exists?

    Intergenerational
    Intergenerational
    Participant
    September 16, 2019 at 12:18 pm #207066

    We really need to get past the extreme prejudice and hurtful rhetoric associated with those who are such relationships: “Cougar”, “Pervert”, “Cradle Robber”, etc. Let’s stop judging and punishing people strictly on the basis of their age. Let’s look at how he treats her as the focus.

    Intergenerational
    Intergenerational
    Participant
    September 16, 2019 at 4:55 pm #207127

    I am still trying to figure out the best places/circumstances where I could strike up a few conversations or even a few platonic outings. The college campus would be a bit challenging with their laser focus on studies (due to high tuition costs with little room for failure) to those who live more or less week to week. But the latter group tends to be uncommitted, living in the moment, partying whenever possible, doing dope, and not really looking for a serious relationship. The best encounters I have ever had were in the daily course of just going about my usual business, but these are few and far between. The pubs, workout places and the like don’t work well either. They usually come alone or with a group and come off as largely apathetic/robotic.

    Intergenerational
    Intergenerational
    Participant
    September 17, 2019 at 12:20 pm #207165

    I know girls these days spend about 5 hours a day with their faces in the smartphones. Of course my generation didn’t grow up wit h those; we only had Walkmans and TV video games. And I know they can’t help but take at least one selfie a day (what’s up with that girls???). But these differences can be overcome with someone who is patient, caring, resourceful, and understanding such as myself.

    Intergenerational
    Intergenerational
    Participant
    September 18, 2019 at 12:06 pm #207198

    I have read numerous articles on the many positives of dating older men and found the list of reasons provided are qualities I have long possessed, not just in the past 20 years. These include: he knows what he wants, he is committed, he doesn’t plan games, he treats her right, he is established, he is responsible, he has immense wisdom/knowledge to name a few. OK so she won’t get a life on the wild side, she won’t be able to just pack up and go wherever/whenever, but look at what she can gain from someone like me!!

    Intergenerational
    Intergenerational
    Participant
    September 19, 2019 at 11:39 am #207258

    I have met a few really special girls over the last several years; unlike my peers they give me the time of day. They are engaging, bubbly, energetic, affectionate, just wonderful sweethearts. They are not afraid to express themselves. My peers can so much from them!

    Brrr in Alaska
    Brrr in Alaska
    Participant
    September 19, 2019 at 3:46 pm #207264

    Don’t know what country you are living in, but clearly one where large age gaps are not the norm. It’s a societal thing that you’ll just have to accept and be willing to bear the brunt of the gossip and negative opinions or move to a country where the society is more tolerant of such practices and even accepts them as the norm. (and there are such places)

    Intergenerational
    Intergenerational
    Participant
    September 20, 2019 at 1:15 pm #207312

    I believe we can change things here. It’s just a matter of perseverance and drive. It should not matter where you live. In my view relationships between 2 consenting adults whether there be a five year difference or a 25 year difference are both normal.

    Intergenerational
    Intergenerational
    Participant
    September 23, 2019 at 10:56 am #207379

    I don’t care what others think as long as she and I are OK with it; that doesn’t mean people are free to harass us or interfere in our relationship. That will not be tolerated.

    Brrr in Alaska
    Brrr in Alaska
    Participant
    September 23, 2019 at 5:56 pm #207409
    Reply To: Restoring the Credibility of Intergenerational Courtships

    You don’t have to like it, but you are going to have to deal with it. It comes with the territory. I myself would not get into a relationship with a large age gap for many reasons. It’s not that I have not had the opportunity to, but they are too complicated on many levels. A relationship with no or very little age gap is complicated enough on it’s own. No need to add potential problems. But to each their own,

    Intergenerational
    Intergenerational
    Participant
    September 23, 2019 at 6:22 pm #207410
    Reply To: Restoring the Credibility of Intergenerational Courtships

    That’s true. But sometimes the challenges that come with one type of relationship work better than for another. It may confuse people as to how two people with an age difference of 25 years can hit it off so well, but for them it just works. They can relate to each other so well in ways they can’t with people their own age.

    Intergenerational
    Intergenerational
    Participant
    September 23, 2019 at 6:23 pm #207411
    Reply To: Restoring the Credibility of Intergenerational Courtships

    Please feel free to share some of the challenges you have encountered or envision. It may be something I am not yet aware of.

    Brrr in Alaska
    Brrr in Alaska
    Participant
    September 24, 2019 at 8:21 am #207416
    Reply To: Restoring the Credibility of Intergenerational Courtships

    You didn’t mention your specific situation as far as actual ages. But in general, say an older guy and a younger woman, and of course this is dependent on actual ages and circumstances, she may want kids, where as he is past the stage of raising kids. There are different tastes in music and general interests. Say one being raised with a phone in their hand while the other knows what a card catalog is at the library. There’s the risk of the woman wanting someone closer to her own age somewhere down the road when she reaches an age where the guys her same age have reached that age of mental maturity and responsibility. Ha she really considered the fact that eventually the time will come where she would be giving her chosen mate nearly full time care. Can she even afford the time to do that with children still to raise or a job to deal with?

    Brrr in Alaska
    Brrr in Alaska
    Participant
    September 24, 2019 at 8:26 am #207418
    Reply To: Restoring the Credibility of Intergenerational Courtships

    Let’s not forget perhaps the most important issue. Life expectancy. Is she ready to be a widow at 50 or 60 maybe? Perhaps even consigning her to a future life of loneliness? Not to mention children growing up without a father. There are other issues that I haven’t even mentioned and of course they are all subject to the personalities and individual situations of each couple as well. But the previous are some of the more common ones that come to mind.

    Intergenerational
    Intergenerational
    Participant
    September 24, 2019 at 12:12 pm #207462
    Reply To: Restoring the Credibility of Intergenerational Courtships

    Superb points! Much agreed. But let me jus say not only do I want more kids, I even have some names picked out!

1 2