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Steve LaRueParticipantMarch 11, 2019 at 10:32 pm #196467
Ok here is the very abridged version…recently reconnected with a high school sweetheart. She has had 3 failed abusive marriages. She has 3 teen agers living with her from the second ex. I am a widower with a son. I know I love her but she cannot commit the same way yet because of all the negative done to her and her kids. How do I help her and more importantly her kids see me not as another abuser?
dashingscorpioParticipantMarch 12, 2019 at 10:57 am #196515
Give it time. Don’t try to force anything.
Anyone with several bad experiences requires proof over the long haul.
There is also the possibility that she doesn’t trust (herself).
Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.
From what you’ve said she has not had a great “track record” when it comes to choosing men.
It will probably take a while for her to convince herself that she “got it right” this time.
All you can do is be patient, loving, supportive, and good to her and her teenagers.
Last but not least consider that YOU may not be HER type.
Some women simply have a penchant for being attracted to “bad boys”, narcissistic types, Alpha males, and the like.
Being with a “nice guy” is out of their comfort zone. It’s like giving up “junk food” to go on a strict healthy diet.
While it is wise on her part to be with you it’s possible you don’t make her heart skip a beat.
Making “healthy choices” is often an “acquired taste” for a lot of people.
Some are unable to make permanent changes.
Steve LaRueParticipantMarch 21, 2019 at 4:55 pm #197256
Thank you dashingscorpio for your comments. There are a number of obstacles I’m facing here…im in Ohio, she is in New York; she is still very much traumatized by her last ex. He really messed her up. She is saying that she has no capacity or desire to feel love or romantic commitment again. I think she is hiding behind her past out of fear of being let down again. How do I get past this barrier and get her to see that with me she could be happy again?
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