Sex – Last thing to be considered

DATING ADVICE FORUM

Sex – Last thing to be considered

    Author
    Comments
  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    January 1, 2019 at 10:11 am FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

    Hey DatingAdvice.com forum readers! Just a quick heads up that a few dating sites are offering a FREE trial to DatingAdvice forum readers. Try it now and meet local singles in just a few minutes! Here are the sites:

    Site Who You'll Meet Today's Deal
    Match.com Casual dating for ages 18-65 Get FREE access
    Elite Singles Educated professionals 25 and older Get FREE access
    AFF.com Hookups, casual encounters Get FREE access

    What are you waiting for? One mouse click could be all that stands between you and your next romance!

    mdate
    mdate
    Participant
    December 28, 2018 at 10:49 am #191732
    Sex – Last thing to be considered

    Why is sex the last thing that is considered when dating? It appears to be deemed unimportant against other things in life.
    A quote from a ladies profile “I don’t want to discuss what I like intimately until the time is right” 
    That may well be to late by then, that person may not like it, then what.

    melika
    melika
    Participant
    December 28, 2018 at 10:38 pm #191739

    If sex is the first thing you are considering then you are in it for the wrong reasons. Sex can be an emotional thing and some people want to get to know people better before they sleep with someone.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    December 29, 2018 at 3:35 pm #191745

    Life is a (personal) journey.
    There is no “right” or “wrong” only “agree” or disagree”.
    The goal is to find someone who (naturally) wants what YOU want.
    In a world with over 7 Billion people rejection just means: Next!

    The main reason why many people delay having sex is because they fear making a mistake or being taking advantage of.
    Having sex on the first date and never hearing from a person stings more to them than being in a relationship and getting dumped a year later. It’s all about the calendar.

    It’s sort of a mind/calendar game people play: like not throwing out left over food the first night because you feel guilty.
    However once it’s been in the fridge for 3-4 days it’s easier to toss it out.

    Some folks believe by putting off sex they can make someone {emotionally invest} in them.
    When they finally have sex if it sucks there is an obligation to try and “work on it” because you “love them”.
    Where as if you knew the first night you were sexually incompatible there wouldn’t a second date!

    mdate
    mdate
    Participant
    December 29, 2018 at 3:44 pm #191747

    “If sex is the first thing you are considering then you are in it for the wrong reasons. Sex can be an emotional thing and some people want to get to know people better before they sleep with someone.”

    Hi Melika, Yes but your forgetting one thing, sex is not just sex, the subject is vast, it’s can be many things, and it may not be just vanilla sex. Some people may or may not like it and if it is not disused at the beginning someone will be very disappointed later on.

    This is reason why okcupid have got the questions for this, unfortunately people rarely fill them in.

    mdate
    mdate
    Participant
    December 31, 2018 at 8:41 am #191749

    Hi dashingscorpio

    “When they finally have sex if it sucks there is an obligation to try and “work on it” because you “love them””

    Yes you’re right they will then be emotionally evolved with that person, and try to make it work. They may not even want bring the subject up in view of jeopardising the relationship, they will therefore miss out on what they really like.

    The other thing here is why should you make someone do something that they may or may not like don’t like to do. You shouldn’t be persuading them to do anything. It’s fine if they like what the person is suggesting, but if they don’t like it, what then, they may be ok with it for a while to please them, but I would imagine  it would eventually fizzle out.

    mdate
    mdate
    Participant
    December 31, 2018 at 8:41 am #191751

      Hi dashingscorpio

    “When they finally have sex if it sucks there is an obligation to try and “work on it” because you “love them””

    Yes you’re right they will then be emotionally evolved with that person, and try to make it work. They may not even want bring the subject up in view of jeopardising the relationship, they will therefore miss out on what they really like.

    The other thing here is why should you make someone do something that they may or may not like don’t like to do. You shouldn’t be persuading them to do anything. It’s fine if they like what the person is suggesting, but if they don’t like it, what then, they may be ok with it for a while to please them, but I would imagine  it would eventually fizzle out.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    December 31, 2018 at 2:56 pm #191787

    mdate,

    “You shouldn’t be persuading them to do anything.” – Exactly!

    The goal should be to find someone who naturally (wants) the same things you do.
    In a world with over 7 Billion people odds are whatever one is “into” they most likely aren’t the one who wants it.
    Whenever someone partakes in things they detest only for the sake of pleasing others there is resentment.
    Compatibility trumps compromise. Like attracts like and opposites attract divorce attorneys!

    Sadly some people measure your love for them based upon your wiliness to suffer or be inconvenienced for them.
    This begs the question: If someone truly loves YOU would they really want you to do things you don’t enjoy?
    When it’s put that way it sounds selfish, controlling, and sadistic.

    Last but not least there is an advantage to broach sex early during the “infatuation phase” of a new relationship.
    A lot of people are more “open to trying new things” with a (new person) they like than a known one.

    mdate
    mdate
    Participant
    January 4, 2019 at 3:52 pm #191938

    Hi dashingscorpio,
    I’m glad you see my point here, I believe to many people focus on to many other things in life,
    and not on the most intimate thing they can do between them and their partner. Something like 90% other 10% sex.

    “Where as if you knew the first night you were sexually incompatible there wouldn’t a second date!”

    This is my point here, if they are incompatible why stay together, they should try to find someone who they are is compatible in ALL aspects of life, and not try persuade them to do anything.

    Bottom line
    So what what is the real problem here, is it the fact that we are treating sex as a narrow subject, when it certainly isn’t, it has many facets.

    devdo
    devdo
    Participant
    January 10, 2019 at 12:16 am #192285

    Firstly, the whole reason for dating is to meet someone to have sex with. If she won’t put out, dump her and get another.
    She sounds like she wants to keep guys “on the hook”, milk them for money and then friendzone them.