She becomes avoidant everytime we talked about meeting up-What should I do?

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She becomes avoidant everytime we talked about meeting up-What should I do?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    watdahellidk
    watdahellidk
    Participant
    August 14, 2019 at 3:25 am #205382
    She becomes avoidant everytime we talked about meeting up-What should I do?

    I met someone online.Because of her difficult past she doesn’t want to talk on the phone.I had suspected that she might’ve been a catfishing me but I’ve done Google reverse image on her and a few background checks, she’s legit no doubt but doesn’t want to because she has a rule for herself when it comes to meeting people online.From the beginning of the relationship she made it pretty clear that the rule is that only text, when we meet up then we can call and video chat and if we’re compatible then we’ll be together.We’ve been talking for the past 4 months now. We text each other everyday and it was great. We plan things on what we will do and she’s very enthusiast about that.Lately alot of big changes are going on in her life and last month I brought up the topic when we will be able and her excuse is always “when its time” until she told me I may have been pressuring her and its too soon to talk about it.I’ve gotten frustrated and scared that I may never have the chance to meet her.

    rollingeyes
    rollingeyes
    Participant
    August 15, 2019 at 8:45 am #205463

    I think the golden rule about any sort of relationship whatsoever is that one must respect it’s boundaries. If she said, from the beginning, that it would be a text-only relationship until she felt comfortable to meet, that’s what is it and there’s no changing that beyond respecting her limits and also your own. If you need things to go ahead, than I’d suggest you to make that clear without hurting her feelings while also respecting that she might not be ready to take that step. Answer: talk to her, but don’t scare her. It’s not much of a help, but we can’t change people. If she likes you enough, she’ll come around and you guys will eventually meet.

    Brrr in Alaska
    Brrr in Alaska
    Participant
    August 15, 2019 at 6:43 pm #205549

    Why are you wasting your time on a flaky woman? Seriously. Move on to someone who is ready for a relationship if that;s what you really want.

    jfes1688
    jfes1688
    Participant
    August 16, 2019 at 10:49 pm #205592

    From your description it sounds like she just wants a pen-pal, usually after you’ve been texting someone for 4 months they’re eager to meet.

    frankt
    frankt
    Participant
    August 24, 2019 at 12:39 am #206097

    “Lately alot of big changes are going on in her life and last month I brought up the topic when we will be able and her excuse is always “when its time”

    Did she say what those big changes are ?
    It’s possible she is already in a relationship & is waiting to see how things work out with it.

    After 4 months of texting ONLY, i would move on. My suggestion is to talk to other people. She is wasting your time.
    After 4 months, most people by that point have already texted, talked, met in person, had more than 16 dates, and had sex by that point !

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 3 weeks ago by frankt frankt.
    richiro
    richiro
    Participant
    August 24, 2019 at 12:02 pm #206104

    this is NOT a relationship. you’ve never met and there are no plans to meet – this is NOT a relationship.
    it sounds like you’ve been pushing from the start and she’s been trying to give you clues and signs that she’s not interested – but you aren’t getting them. And she’s one of those that just doesn’t have the heart to tell you so….

    I’d drop this one and find somebody else, and NOT online.

    Intergenerational
    Intergenerational
    Participant
    September 16, 2019 at 11:08 am #207061

    If she keeps putting it off, it isn’t a good sign. Either it’s a scam or someone who doesn’t take commitment/responsibility very seriously. So I wouldn’t invest too much more time into it.

    Bilian
    Bilian
    Participant
    September 16, 2019 at 2:19 pm #207076

    go ahead

    pedropedro
    pedropedro
    Participant
    September 16, 2019 at 8:21 pm #207129

    While I sympathize for people who “have a lot going on” if she’s not in a healthy place she’s not capable of a healthy relationship. For her OWN sake, she shouldn’t even be looking for one. Be honest. Tell her you feel strung along. If nothing happens in a couple weeks, I’d stop wasting your time. You’ve already invested a lot in this relationship, and if you’re even asking this question on this forum, I think you’re beginnning to question if it’s worth it. If you are honest with her about these doubts, and she doesn’t change, it isn’t worth it.

    tomnmel
    tomnmel
    Participant
    September 16, 2019 at 8:34 pm #207132
    Reply To: She becomes avoidant everytime we talked about meeting up-What should I do?

    I think you’ll be okay

    lifesaver34
    lifesaver34
    Participant
    September 17, 2019 at 12:38 am #207140
    Reply To: She becomes avoidant everytime we talked about meeting up-What should I do?

    About a few months ago I was struggling to keep my relationship and maintain it at a healthy level. I spent hours and hours trying to find a solution to fix it reading tons of blogs online and talking to my friends in real life. I couldn’t find one single solution that worked.

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    It was making me frustrated to see my relationship get thrown into the drain, and it felt like my world was ending. I was so sad, tired, angry, and depressed. This relationship meant the whole world to me, so I needed to find a solution fast.

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