She doesn't know what she wants – she loves me – we live together

DATING ADVICE FORUM

She doesn't know what she wants – she loves me – we live together

    Author
    Comments
  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    March 3, 2019 at 2:41 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

    Hey DatingAdvice.com forum readers! Just a quick heads up that a few dating sites are offering a FREE trial to DatingAdvice forum readers. Try it now and meet local singles in just a few minutes! Here are the sites:

    Site Who You'll Meet Today's Deal
    Match.com Casual dating for ages 18-65 Get FREE access
    Elite Singles Educated professionals 25 and older Get FREE access
    AFF.com Hookups, casual encounters Get FREE access

    What are you waiting for? One mouse click could be all that stands between you and your next romance!

    Denn1s
    Denn1s
    Participant
    February 26, 2019 at 6:48 am #195566
    She doesn't know what she wants – she loves me – we live together

    I’m 26 years old and I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for four years, she is 21. Less than a year ago we made a decision to move in together which was something new for the both of us.

    Long story short; she dropped me the “I don’t know what I want. I still love you which isn’t making this easy.” -line. We discussed about the matter; she isn’t seeing anyone else nor is interested. She seems confused and isn’t sure if she wants to be alone or try to work things out.

    Context to this; I’ve been battling with depression for two years. I may have lost touch with my masculinity every now and then and I didn’t find a way to value life in general and what we had. I may have been a little too controlling at times. Anyway things have lately been getting much better to this day.

    Since the discussion I’ve given her space and put my focus on my own life and friends. All this is challenging because we live together and moving out would mean ending things. Is there still a chance?

    MFisc
    MFisc
    Participant
    February 26, 2019 at 7:06 am #195567

    Well if THAT LINE always might be scary but U have to find out does it was for rl or just in rage. But all I can say is that if Girl goin with I THINK I NEED A TIME or smthing like that then sory bro but always doubts can move someone to wrong decisions. So if You be carefull mate it also depends how much u trust each other but when doubts comes U should be carefull

    Denn1s
    Denn1s
    Participant
    February 26, 2019 at 7:22 am #195570

    At first I reacted a little forcefully to get an answer if she wants to break up so we wouldn’t have to drag this thing out. But then I decided to take a step back and give her space to figure her thoughts out. Now I’ve put my focus on my own life and getting my sh*t together. I try not to fish her attention like a vulnerable dog and I avoid creating false hope on positive responses I might get from her.

    I don’t hate or resent her for being confused and distant. For the time being I let her to come to me first. I’ll talk back and show her I still care for her but as I respect her need for space I don’t go ‘clinging on to her’ first. Other than that I focus on my own comings and goings and let her be.

    I’m not quite sure if I should lead the situation somehow and show her I still care for her, take her out or something. Or should I just trust giving the space and freedom to see how things will eventually work out. But if it’ll drag out for too long, I will to break it up myself.

    beckyd83
    beckyd83
    Participant
    February 26, 2019 at 9:19 am #195585

    I feel like how you are approaching this matter is well. As far as the giving her her space and doing your own thing.
    I mean, .. With you guys living together what else can you do? Right?
    Give her her space. When she says ‘I don’t know what I want’ what does she mean? As far as what? As far as, living together? As far as, the relationship continuing to go further? At this point, the next steps would hopefully mean marriage, starting a family, etc..
    Is that what she means? She doesn’t want to marry, or have kids?
    As far as you being controlling, STOP that! no one likes to be controlled. It is pushing me away in my relationship now. Don’t do that.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    February 26, 2019 at 5:28 pm #195713

    “I’m 26 years old and I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for four years, she is 21.”
    So basically you have been with her since she was (17) years old.
    Legally she was not an adult when she met you.
    Odds are she hadn’t figured out who (she was) let alone knew what she wanted in a mate for life.

    It’s only natural for someone with so little dating and life experience to wonder if they’ve met their “soulmate”.
    Generally speaking what makes for an “ideal mate” at age (17) is not going to cut it at age 21, 25, 30, or beyond.
    She may feel as if she’s missing out on being a single adult having her own career, apartment, traveling, dating, and so on.
    Most women these days don’t dream of going from their parent’s house to being married.

    When it comes to love and relationships most of us (fail our way) to success.
    Very few people hit a homerun their first, second, third, or fourth time up at bat.
    If this were not the case we would all be married to our high school sweetheart!
    It’s time to let her go.

    MC52
    MC52
    Participant
    February 28, 2019 at 9:39 pm #195847

    I don’t know why you would expect a 21 year old to just move in