Hayley MatthewsDatingAdvice.comApril 4, 2019 at 5:17 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT
Hey DatingAdvice.com forum readers! Just a quick heads up that a few dating sites are offering a FREE trial to DatingAdvice forum readers. Try it now and meet local singles in just a few minutes! Here are the sites:
Site Who You'll Meet Today's Deal Match.com Casual dating for ages 18-65 Get FREE access Elite Singles Educated professionals 25 and older Get FREE access AFF.com Hookups, casual encounters Get FREE access
What are you waiting for? One mouse click could be all that stands between you and your next romance!February 1, 2019 at 9:05 am #193876
So i met this girl on bumble, we talked, went out for dates, kinda liked each other so yeah but we didn’t see each other often (4-5 times in the span of our “relationship” – which was like a month) She kept sending me cute stuff and we talked ALOT of ig. We would text almost everyday sometimes only 2-3 responses but sometimes a nice conversation. But yeah didn’t see each other for a month after because I went on vacation. I come back from vacation, try making plans with her, show her that im trying to be serious with her and she said she also wants to see me. I ask when are you free, she says anytime next week after thursday, i message her thurs for friday, she says shes busy, i message her saturday she says its too cold and it was a snowstorm (but i was at the gym i mean it was really bad weather but idk why she wouldn’t still wanna see me cause it’s been a month of just texting as I was away for vacation. She did mention she thinks i was ghosting her etc like we had a talk about thatFebruary 1, 2019 at 5:06 pm #194003
I read your post and understand why you are feeling so confused. I would like to assist, but I need some information to provide you with the appropriate feedback:
1. How old are you?
2. What is your relationship history with other women?
3. Why is the title of your post called “Sould I Block My “EX” Since We Stopped Talking? What EX?
I look forward to reading your replies providing you my feedback.
GJFebruary 2, 2019 at 9:27 am #194014
1) We’re both the same age, 23
2) Well I have always had issues expressing my feelings towards women, not sure why, most likely because I’m scared to get hurt but I feel like I’m strong anyways. The other girls I saw in my past have never been anything like a relationship for example, when my “ex”, not the one mentioned in the post, (4-5 months into dating) asked “what are we?”, I instantly said we’re more than friends obviously. I guess you can say friends with benefits. I didn’t really care about dating or being with a person like that.
3) By “ex” I meant like the girl I was seeing up until now where we stopped talking about a week ago. She hasn’t replied to my last 2 messages (other than the she’s sorry part). Idk if I consider her an “ex” but idk what else to call it. Pretty much just asking for opinions or not if I should message her again if I do, what should it be. If not getting a response to last 2 texts is a sign I shouldn’t message her again then I won’tFebruary 2, 2019 at 1:39 pm #194023
Thank you for your honest replies. It will greatly assist to give you the appropriate feedback to have the positive impact in your dating life that you desire. First let’s consider looking at your responses in a different lens to help you gain a broader perspective:
1. Dating a new person 4-5 times within a month and texting each other 2 to 3 times a day is not as you say “we didn’t see each other often.” The average of once a week dating for a new relationship and daily communication are something of substance.
2. When you went on vacation this young-woman had the fantasy that you were ghosting her. It is true that you had a lot of contact prior to you leaving on your vacation, but you really don’t know this person yet. It takes time for people to open up and share their intimate feelings; both of happiness and pain. You can understand how difficult it could be to share feelings. One thing we know for sure is that she had a reaction to you leaving on vacation, and it wasn’t pleasant.February 2, 2019 at 1:40 pm #194024
3. It is very important how we label things. Labels are attached to thoughts, feelings and expectations that drive our actions. This young-lady is a person who you were dating. Unless there is something I do not know, you were simply dating this person and getting to know one another; not in a committed relationship, and not an “EX.” This is very important to differentiate your wishes and the reality of where you are in this relationship.
Now for the questions:
1. What is the “other than she’s sorry part”? What was going on in the communication when this was said?
2. What was your reply when this woman told you that she believed you were ghosting her?
3. What do you know about her previous relationships?
4. What have you shared with her about your previous relationship?
5. What are you feeling and what are your thoughts when you ask if you should message her?
I look forward to your replies and continuing to provide you feedback that will stop you from working against yourself.
GJFebruary 4, 2019 at 8:21 am #194033
@gj I like how you’re trying to understand the situation so I’ll provide more details.
I talked to her less and less then eventually went on vacation and she knew when I was going to be going. I usually didn’t initiate the conversation but she usually did. I thought about her on vacation but like I said earlier, I’m bad at expressing myself. We talked once in a while (2 days out of the week – I was gone for 5 weeks). She wished me Happy New Year after not talking to her for like a 5 days so that kind of told me that she’s serious and that’s when I wanted to reciprocate. I agree she isn’t an ex, I guess a person I dated but I thought that’s what you would call an ex.
1) No clue what she’s sorry about. Her reply was “I’m going through a lot, my mind is everywhere, I’m sorry”. I asked to see her on friday, she had plans, asked saturday she said okay but the weather conditions were REALLY bad so we cancelled. Tells me to make the time and place on sunday, I do and no response.February 4, 2019 at 8:21 am #194034
2 days later, she messaged me with the “I’m sorry” message. Being kind of attached to her, to show her I was serious, I told her “It’s okay baby you can talk to me anytime, keep your head up” something along the lines of that which I regret saying now. I didn’t know what to say due to my inexperience. We haven’t talked since and it’s been a week.
2) I told her to explain further and she did. She said I was “gone” for a couple of days then we talk again etc. Tbh I thought it was completely normal. I told her I’ll improve and she said it’s okay she got me.
3) Nothing. I guess we never talked about that? Should we have?
4) Nothing other than the fact I told her I have no experience and these things and probably like to take it slow (as in put labels)
5) Great question. I feel like I have moved on (it’s been a week) so I’m not sure what I’m doing on this thread but I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try because I genuinely like her. I’m not clingy and don’t want her to think I am so should IFebruary 5, 2019 at 2:36 pm #194238
I”m very glad for you that you decided to stay on this thread. Many people post with the focus on the other person. What most people have trouble connecting to is that we are attracted to these people and are a contributing factor as to why things work or do not work. A very important point you shared is that you struggle to express your feelings with women. This is very important because this affects you feelings, thoughts, and actions when you are involved with a woman, and this will happen over an over again whether you move on from this woman or not.
Now we know that this woman has share with you that she is going through a lot; and that can include her new experience dating you. We just don’t know. but she is struggling and we know that.February 5, 2019 at 2:42 pm #194239
So let’s continue to help you. kindly explore the following questions and give me your answers:
1. Why do feel so ready to be rejected and get hurt by a woman?
2. What do you like about this woman?
3. What are you feeling and thinking that you said I have moved on from this woman
Remember the focus is on your feelings, thoughts, and actions. That is the only think you can have direct impact on that will change how you interact with woman. I look forward to your response and continuing to give you my feedback.
doesntmatterParticipantMarch 18, 2019 at 8:48 am #196919
It’s over dude, block her physically and mentally. This happens all the time. Don’t be surprised. A man is a cheap commodity, the woman has 10 men in line waiting to date her, and she can dump you at any time for any reason or no reason at all.
Top 10 Best Sites
Looking for a dating site you can trust? Search no more.