Should I date a guy with a criminal and chemical dependency record?

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Should I date a guy with a criminal and chemical dependency record?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    July 7, 2019 at 5:20 am FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    bikergirl83
    bikergirl83
    Participant
    May 27, 2019 at 5:32 pm #201125
    Should I date a guy with a criminal and chemical dependency record?

    I met an amazing guy online, on a dating app, and we had been seeing each other for about a month and a half. He was very sweet and giving, a complete gentleman, and our personalities were very similar. After about 3 weeks of seeing each other a few times a week, he asked me to be his girlfriend, which I accepted. After some more time, he started dropping hints that he was falling in love with me but never actually admitted it. I felt like the same though things seemed to be moving fast so I never said anything either and wanted to give it more time.
    Before our first date he admitted to me that his sobriety was #1 to him, he had DUIs and been caught running from cops drunk on his motorcycle. He went to treatment and has since cleaned up his act. He has a steady job but lives in a bad situation with friends who drink/do drugs that he is trying to get out of but isn’t able to find anywhere affordable that will accept him. He hasn’t gotten his license back yet and is working on that also.

    bikergirl83
    bikergirl83
    Participant
    May 27, 2019 at 5:38 pm #201129

    He was upfront with me and said I could ask any questions I had from the beginning about that situation, which I appreciated, and left the option to go on a date open if I didn’t want to at the time.
    I just found out yesterday after one of my cousins who is a cop looked him up that he has a lengthy criminal record. Some on there that he was honest about, DUIs, treatment, drug problems in the past with Meth. There were also charges of domestic violence, stalking, and disobeying orders. These all scared my parents and cousins when they found out, obviously, and they let me know. They said I needed to break up with him that he was bad news, and that the cop was told by one his cop friends who personally know the guy I’m dating said to “run away” from him.
    I broke things off with him yesterday afterward and let him pick up his stuff outside when I wasn’t there.
    After calling him and telling him things were over he was upset but took it well considering. He didn’t yell or throw a fit.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    May 27, 2019 at 5:51 pm #201132

    Everyone is entitled to have their own mate selection/screening process and “must haves list”.

    After only 3 weeks of dating he’s asked you to be his girlfriend and he’s “falling in love”.
    That sounds like a major “red flag”: Moving too fast usually leads to mistakes and heartaches.
    You don’t know each other well enough to know if you want an “exclusive relationship” yet!

    “he had DUIs and been caught running from cops drunk on his motorcycle..”
    “..lives in a bad situation with {friends} who drink/do drugs”
    “He hasn’t gotten his license back yet..”
    “..he has a lengthy criminal record”

    The guy made online dating a priority over taking care of these issues.
    That’s another major red flag!

    If you’re drug addict you don’t want to have friends you hang out with using drugs and drinking.
    Living with such people is a (choice) he’s made. I’m sure he has other options or could get help finding some.

    Last but not least in a world with over 7 Billion people do you feel this is the BEST you can do?
    Are you in a “bad boy” phase? Looking to take on a “project”? Odds are you’re going to USED!
    Move on!

    frankt
    frankt
    Participant
    May 27, 2019 at 5:55 pm #201133

    I think you made the correct decision. You would have had a “project” in your life. I know i wouldn’t want a “project” to work on and worry about.
    The domestic violence and stalking are concerning. And, there is no way of determining if the alcohol/drug treatments are going to be “permanently” successful. He could relapse.

    bikergirl83
    bikergirl83
    Participant
    May 28, 2019 at 8:24 am #201130

    I questioned the domestic abuse and he admitted the girl he dated for 9 years ended things after cheating on him and he was depressed, turned to drugs/alcohol. He never hit anyone but texted her constantly and that was how he got those charges. He also had many failed suicide attempts but served time, went to counselin, psychiatrist, etc. He knew the things I found out on paper were scary but not him anymore. That he wanted a chance to prove to me that it was in the past and he is a different person. The records came up from only a couple years ago or more, so somewhat recent, but he admitted he had been sober for 8 months. Should I continue to see him? Should I date him or maybe at least be friends until more time has passed? My parents are against it but said they would support my decision. He has done nothing wrong in our relationship and can’t help but feel like he is being honest and really has or wants to change. People deserve second chances and chance to change don’t they?

    bikergirl83
    bikergirl83
    Participant
    May 28, 2019 at 8:24 am #201131

    I questioned the domestic abuse and he admitted the girl he dated for 9 years ended things after cheating on him and he was depressed, turned to drugs/alcohol. He never hit anyone but texted her constantly and that was how he got those charges. He also had many failed suicide attempts but served time, counseling, psychiatrist, etc. He knew the things I found out on paper were scary but not him anymore. That he wanted a chance to prove to me that it was in the past and he is a different person. The records came up from only a couple years ago or more, so somewhat recent, but he admitted he had been sober for 8 months. Should I continue to see him? Should I date him or maybe at least be friends until more time has passed? My parents are against it but said they would support my decision. He has done nothing wrong in our relationship and can’t help but feel like he is being honest and really has or wants to change. People deserve second chances and chance to change don’t they?

    frankt
    frankt
    Participant
    May 28, 2019 at 6:25 pm #201238

    You Said:
    “He never hit anyone but texted her constantly and that was how he got those charges”
    The Domestic violence charges come from hitting people. They don’t come from constant texting.
    The Stalking charges can include constant texting, but he most likely did more than just that.

    There is no way of determining if the alcohol/drug treatments are going to be “permanently” successful. He could relapse.

    You can keep in contact, but i would tread lightly.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    May 29, 2019 at 10:31 am #201274

    He’s had multiple DUIs, Cops have WARNED you!
    His FRIENDS are drug users and criminals most likely. That should tell you all you need to know.
    Honestly, Is this The Best you can do where you live? Seriously?
    If so you need to move! This guy shouldn’t be up for consideration.

    Nothing you’ve said about him would be on (most) women’s “must haves list’ for a mate or friend.
    As for the story about stalking/harassing his ex, remember you’re only hearing HIS side!
    Trust me if the police got involved it’s because she felt threatened and could prove she had reason to be.

    Figure out why you want to play the role of savior, take on projects, or need to FEEL NEEDED .
    Some women bend over backwards to show a man their new possibilities in life and believe they’ll be appreciated.
    Next thing you know they’re giving the guy money, buying him clothes, and paying for all the dates.
    However instead of being appreciated they’re taken for granted, physically abused, or being cheated on.
    STOP romanticizing obstacles! You’ll be happier with less baggage!