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Should I drop everything?April 26, 2017 at 1:25 am #134407So there’s this girl I’m acquainted with, and recently I’ve become totally infatuated with her. We met briefly 2 years ago when I lived in Washington, DC (where she still lives) and hit it off (in a friendly way). I wanted to ask her out then, but decided against it. I moved back south and we haven’t spoken much since, but I’m still able to keep up with her because she runs a fairly popular Facebook page that I keep up with. We share similar interests and morals, and I’m convinced we would go great together.
Today at work I suddenly had an OVERWHELMING urge to quit, go back to DC, and ask her on a date. I need to lose some weight first and prepare but I’m seriously considering doing it. But it would seem like such a shame to derail my career and leave my family only to have her turn me down. I’ve been told to follow my gut, but this seems rash. I’m sick of living in regret. What should I do? Is there a 3rd option I’m missing?
PS: We ARE Facebook friends, if that makes a difference.April 26, 2017 at 5:49 pm #134530Don’t go to such unnecessary extremes, just visit her and go on a date then. Don’t quit everything and move just to ask a girl out
April 26, 2017 at 5:51 pm #134532Don’t go to such unnecessary extremes, just visit her and go on a date then. Don’t quit everything and move just to ask a girl out
April 27, 2017 at 5:54 pm #134711“Infatuated” and “OVERWHELMING” stand out in your post. “Recently” also stands out. What just happened in your life? So you met this girl two years ago and have been casual friends since. Does she share this infatuation? Be careful here. Do you know her well? Is she even single? If you actually tell her this, or if she finds out or if she figures it out, this could backfire and not only will you blow your chance at the date, but it could freak her out if it comes out looking to her like you are obsessed in an unhealthy way. Think hard whether this “infatuation” is a healthy thing and if you really feel this way about her. And vice-versa. Again, think hard. Being infatuated is usually a BAD thing this early. If you do go out there, don’t tell her it’s just to see her, tone it down, say you just happen to be in the area, go on a date, see if you hit it off as well as you hope. If so, THEN start thinking about quitting/moving. If not, move on.
April 30, 2017 at 2:01 am #134933Thanks for the reply! The strange thing is, nothing too significant has recently happened in my life to trigger this, which makes the whole thing just strange. I’ve always had a minor crush on her simmering under the surface, but one day I was just suddenly seized by this overwhelming urge to act, and it’s persisted to today. I seriously doubt she share would the feelings, but I know she is single and is the type of girl that will give a guy a chance if he’s sincere, so I’m hopeful. I haven’t spoken to her for over a year and don’t know her very well though, do you have any tips on how to re-engage without spooking her?
I do have a bad tendency to “obsess” (for lack of a better term) over women, and it can last months-years. Those other times, though, I’ve always second-guessed myself and never actually acted, and it’s made me lose my self-confidence over time. I guess I think that strapping down and going after what I want for once could do some good, but I suppose I could be wrong.April 30, 2017 at 7:11 pm #134951Building a career is not just a necessity of life, it sometimes serves as a pillar of foundation that helps to hold on relationships.
May 1, 2017 at 8:50 am #134937Well you don’t want to go through life thinking “I’ll never know if she would have said yes”. I won’t try to do long-distance psychotherapy on someone I don’t know, but try to do some on yourself. Maybe you’ll figure out where this is coming from and what your priorities are.. At the same time, don’t overthink things as far as dating and romance go. If it feels right, go for it. If not, don’t. You might get rejected, you might not. You never know till you try. If you get rejected, respect that boundary.
Passion is good, but don’t overwhelm her, and I think quitting a good job and moving cross country to ask out someone you hardly know out could “spook her”, as you put it, and you don’t want to do it, so don’t do that, and don’t tell her you considered that. Think of some excuse to go out to the area she is in (sightseeing, whatever), tell her you’re coming out there and would she like to get together with you. Being in the geographical area is an excuse to “re-engage”.
May 1, 2017 at 9:08 pm #135071Just ask her on a date, get to know her a little more. Grand gestures are nice but most girls will not want you to up-root your whole life for them.
Reply To: Should I drop everything?May 2, 2017 at 11:55 pm #135228Get in touch with her first. Make sure what you are seeing isn’t an illusion to fool or persuade yourself to do something impulsive.
Reply To: Should I drop everything?May 4, 2017 at 6:29 pm #135460check on things on her side at first. She may be too busy for a date or has something going on. Texting her or speaking to her more often before you do something like that would be best.
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